Let us praise President Trump for saving us from himself.
As public outcry swelled,
Trump announced over the weekend that he would postpone immigration raids and mass deportations, reversing a reckless plan devised a week earlier by a thoughtless fellow by the name of — let’s see here — Donald J. Trump.
Last week, Trump
declared that 10 minutes before a planned strike on Iran, “I stopped it” because it was “not proportionate” to Tehran’s downing of an unmanned U.S. drone.
Thus did the coolheaded Trump overrule a rash escalation ordered previously by a warmonger named — I’ve got it here somewhere — Donald J. Trump. “We were cocked & loaded to retaliate last night on 3 different sights”
he said (presumably meaning “locked” not “cocked,” and “sites” not “sights”).
Before that, Trump
announced that he had “indefinitely suspended” tariffs on all Mexican goods, which had terrified U.S. businesses and Trump’s fellow Republicans.
Thus did he rescue America from a ruinous trade war cooked up a couple of weeks earlier by that villainous protectionist, Donald J. Trump.
That Trump is, in each case, essentially countermanding himself apparently caused some cognitive dissonance in the Trumpian brain, for on Saturday he
tweeted out a defense of his decision not to attack Iran: “I never called the strike against Iran ‘BACK,’ as people are incorrectly reporting, I just stopped it from going forward at this time!” A crucial distinction, no doubt.
He has even turned against his own advisers, as though they were the ones giving the orders, over his objections. “These people want to push us into a war, and it’s so disgusting,” Trump told
the Wall Street Journal, referring to “advisers in his inner circle,” the paper reported.
And what kind of idiot hired “these people”? Oh, wait.
