Weight lose, body image & identity

[Monello]

This is an interesting blog from a gal that dropped 100+ pounds. She talks about her before and after.

Looking at the picture I put first in this post, I have to pause. I look at me … past vs. present. That is me. All of those pictures are of me. People say they do not recognize the girl in the other pictures. I’m here to say: that girl is me.

Don’t look at her as an abomination, because enough people, myself included, did that already.

Don’t congratulate me on no longer being her; I still am her. And doesn’t she deserve to be?

Don’t tell me I look better; I don’t. I look different.

Don’t speak of her as if she is a poor, piteous person. She’s not.

She’s me.

body blog

 

[Toxick]

This is an interesting blog from a gal that dropped 100+ pounds. She talks about her before and after.



body blog

It doesn't say in the article whether she's been fat her entire life or not. But I'm going to have to go on and say that she has been.

That's a bold assumption on my part, but I am confident it's true. I mentioned recently in another tread that I have been on both ends of the scale from grotesquely fat to grotesquely thin. What I neglected to mention (because it wasn't relevant) is that both of these conditions have come relatively recently in my life and before that - let's say, a little less than ten years ago - I was physically fit. I went to the gym regularly, I ate healthy and did all the things you're supposed to do to look and feel your best - and I looked and felt good. Then.... well, leaving out all the boring details which brought an abrupt end to that healthy lifestyle, I basically let myself go, and exploded into a pile of fat that I never would have previously thought possible. I wasn't TLC-Documentary fat, but I was big enough that people would give me "that look".

Then came myriad health issues (weight related, of course), then came an unexpected, unbelievable, and unintended transformation, and then I'm looking at my ribs and MrsToxick lay in bed poking at my vertebrae telling me she's getting more worried than she was when I was big. And my teeth looked way too big for my face.

From my zenith to my nadir, was a difference of about 250 pounds. I've since regained my health, and I've put back on a healthy amount of weight, and I'm back to an good normal weight, albeit 10 years later, and looking 20 years older.




Now, after reading the above story and the inevitable comparison to my own situation, she is way more disturbed, emotional, and downright broken by her weight loss than any human should be in her shoes.

For me, every pound I dropped I saw my old self coming back, whereas she seems to see her old self melting away. This is extremely disturbing to me. Because I get it.

Even though I saw my old self coming back, there is a sense of loss that comes with a drastic physical transformation, even a positive one. I do not understand it. I hated being fat. No... present tense: I hate it. Without the slightest bit of sarcasm or hyperbole, I swear to you that I would literally allow myself to die before I allow myself to get big like that again.... however, as my size dwindled, there was this tiny little part of me that (for lack of a better word) mourned the loss. In my case, this sense of loss was tempered by the ecstasy and giddy anticipation as I watch the resurfacing of a healthy happy man with a discernible jaw line and who could see his business without the aid of a mirror. Without that joy for that resurrection, I don't know I would handle it any better than she does. She doesn't have the same resurrection process going on - there is no emergence of an old friend, there is only the dwindling of who you are and being replaced with someone else. There was no counterbalance to the mourning. Just the mourning.

I sincerely hope she gets some professional help, because she has some deeply rooted issues that venting on a blog will not resolve by a damn sight.









And while we're on this topic, I just wanted to say that it seems to be way more socially acceptable to tell a skinny person to "eat a sandwich" than to tell someone who's fat to put down the fork.

They are both ####ing hurtful, and if you're one of those people who thinks it's ok to make snide comments to thin people I urge you to stop. Even people who knew what I was going through would comment laughingly "you look like a zombie" or "Isn't she feeding you?".

It's not OK.

If someone is overweight or underweight, believe me, they already know what they look like without your keen observations.



Also somewhat related, I've been casually following a story of this wheelchair-bound Russian guy who's interested in getting an entire-body transplant. If all goes according to plan, a doctor is going to put this guy's head on a replacement body.

I can only imagine the psychosis that will ensue, and I wonder if it's worth it.

 

[vraiblonde]

Now, after reading the above story and the inevitable comparison to my own situation, she is way more disturbed, emotional, and downright broken by her weight loss than any human should be in her shoes.

She comes across to me like some crazy social media drama flake, which may be a side effect of her weight loss journey or....might just be her natural state. Lots of them around, that's for sure.

Regardless, good for her! It's tough to lose 10 or 20 lbs, let alone change your life like that, so that's a heck of an accomplishment. And good for you that you got a handle on your weight and health.

And finally, I dislike seeing someone base their self-worth and define themselves by a number on the scale or the size of their pants. I know women who are quite thin who moan all the time about their butt and thighs. I suspect that even if they lost weight (whether their obesity is real or all in their head) they would still have self-esteem issues. This blog girl sounds like that.

 

[Toxick]

And good for you that you got a handle on your weight and health.

Thank you. It is unbelievably difficult to break out of that cycle once you get into it. I had no energy or motivation at a heavy weight .... so I didn't exercise enough to shed the pounds... which kept me heavy... which meant I had no energy... ad infinitum.

And finally, I dislike seeing someone base their self-worth and define themselves by a number on the scale or the size of their pants.

I agree.... but I painfully understand that too. When members of the opposite sex, who previously paid attention to you, suddenly avert their eyes or refuse to acknowledge your existence, it's kind of a blow to the ego. Too much of that, and your self-image drops pretty quickly. I was married at the time, so it didn't really matter per se, but it mattered. Know what I mean? It's probably shallow of me, but I always liked getting smiles and looks even when I had no intention of acting on them. Just a nice little stroke to the ego.... then suddenly it's gone. Then you get looks again, but they're not the good kind. Your self-worth drops considerably.


I have a suspicion that the opposite is not true at all. For instance if you're not attractive your whole life, then you get this incredible make-over, and suddenly the opposite sex notices you and casts appreciative glances your way all the time - I doubt that an ego-boost is not felt at all... and all you get is uncomfortable knots in your gut, and a feeling like you're being objectified, weighed and measured, and put on the spot.



PS: It's not just members of the opposite sex either. Whether its conscious or unconscious, everyone judges you when you get to be that size. "Look at that fat tub of ####. He clearly can't take care of himself, he must be dumb as a stick, doesn't care about his body, and is probably lazy and undisciplined as you can get." When you're constantly judged and always found wanting, your self-worth takes a hit from that as well.

I know women who are quite thin who moan all the time about their butt and thighs. I suspect that even if they lost weight (whether their obesity is real or all in their head) they would still have self-esteem issues. This blog girl sounds like that.

My daughter - my gorgeous beautiful thin cheerleader daughter - who damn near disappears when she stands side-ways, has been doing that lately. Something about this culture makes people (women and girls in particular) hate their looks no matter what. It's ridiculous.