Wet raccoon smells...

[Larry Gude]

...just a little worse than wet dog.

I'm trying to trap a ground hog who dug a hole under my porch so I can assassinate him. Last night, I got me a raccoon. Well, he was just pathetic, wet, cold, hungry, a mess, so, he looks at me with this 'help me, please?' look and those raccoon eyes, just sad, and I'm like, OK, OK, OK.

So I take him out to the back 40 and this cage is new to me. This is the first release. I was just gonna shoot a ground hog in it and dump the body so, this was NOT part of the plan, a live release.

So, I'm sitting there, good angel "You're doing a good thing, he's not destructive, leaves the cat alone" and bad angel "Kill him. You're gonna feel like a total ass if he bites you or chases you around..." and I'm in shorts and I'm trying to set the rifle so I can open the cage and grab the gun off the 4 wheeler in a hurry, am I gonna kick him, with tennis shoes if necessary...and good angel, bad angel...

The whole time, Ricky is like "Man, this sucks, I just wanna go home, please!?!" so, I'm fumbling with this thing, a false alarm where the gate slaps back down while I'm running away like a chicken #### and finally, it's just the way it is; I'm simply gonna have to be close to the opening in order to let him out.

So, I say this out loud "Don't you dare bite me, mother####er...you better appreciate this ####..." and I open the cage.


...


...












He just hauled ass into the bushes like Barack Obama after a car company.


Scared the hell out of me, but I feel like I did something good today.

 

[vraiblonde]

You did good.

 

[RoseRed]

Funny story!

 

[dems4me]

...just a little worse than wet dog.

I'm trying to trap a ground hog who dug a hole under my porch so I can assassinate him. Last night, I got me a raccoon. Well, he was just pathetic, wet, cold, hungry, a mess, so, he looks at me with this 'help me, please?' look and those raccoon eyes, just sad, and I'm like, OK, OK, OK.

So I take him out to the back 40 and this cage is new to me. This is the first release. I was just gonna shoot a ground hog in it and dump the body so, this was NOT part of the plan, a live release.

So, I'm sitting there, good angel "You're doing a good thing, he's not destructive, leaves the cat alone" and bad angel "Kill him. You're gonna feel like a total ass if he bites you or chases you around..." and I'm in shorts and I'm trying to set the rifle so I can open the cage and grab the gun off the 4 wheeler in a hurry, am I gonna kick him, with tennis shoes if necessary...and good angel, bad angel...

The whole time, Ricky is like "Man, this sucks, I just wanna go home, please!?!" so, I'm fumbling with this thing, a false alarm where the gate slaps back down while I'm running away like a chicken #### and finally, it's just the way it is; I'm simply gonna have to be close to the opening in order to let him out.

So, I say this out loud "Don't you dare bite me, mother####er...you better appreciate this ####..." and I open the cage.


...


...












He just hauled ass into the bushes like Barack Obama after a car company.


Scared the hell out of me, but I feel like I did something good today.

Good job!! Those arn't easy to let animals loose in. I've seen River Rat do it. She's light enough to stand on top of the cage and then pulls the door up.

 

[StanleyRugg]

Mister, I don't blame ya for bein ascared, wildlife is very unpredictable. I never took a racoon on a 4 wheeler ride but I had a bad experience with a opossum once. I went out to my inventin hut and when I turned on the light there was a opossum and it skeert the turpentine right out of me. Us Rugg's have lightnin fast reflexes and I whacked it on the head with a shovel. I figgured it was dead so I tossed it in a bag and decided to take it to my friend Comer Davis. We Ruggs are not terribly sophisticated but we don't eat opossum. Momma Rugg says a opossum is nothin but a big rat with those beady eyes and all. Well anyway I put the bag in the floorboard of the car and took off for Comer's house. I made it near to Leonardtown wher 234 cuts off and that opossum came back to life and jumped outa that bag onto the seat and started hissin at me and gnashin its teeth.

Now I aint the skeert type but if ya ever had a dead opossum crawl up in the seat next to ya and start hissin while you are goin 55 mile per hour I can tell ya it's nuthin you want to happen. Well luckily when it lunged for me I had the state of mind to grab the door handle and bail out. When I finally stopped rollin and got my bearins I saw Momma Ruggs Cordova still goin down the road with that crazed opossum peerin out the drivers window with those beady eyes and I swear he was grinnin at me.

Well I took off walkin cause I didn't figgure that opossum could make it very far cause the Cordova was near about outa gas. About a mile down the road there was that Cordova in the ditch and a sheriff's deputy next to it. That deputy near about laughed himself silly when I told him about bein car jacked by a marsupial. Of course that opossum was no where to be found but my payday candybar was missin off the front seat.

 

[belvak]

 

[RoseRed]

 

[jazz lady]

Good googlymoogly to both stories.

 

[frequentflier]

Mister, I don't blame ya for bein ascared, wildlife is very unpredictable. I never took a racoon on a 4 wheeler ride but I had a bad experience with a opossum once. I went out to my inventin hut and when I turned on the light there was a opossum and it skeert the turpentine right out of me. Us Rugg's have lightnin fast reflexes and I whacked it on the head with a shovel. I figgured it was dead so I tossed it in a bag and decided to take it to my friend Comer Davis. We Ruggs are not terribly sophisticated but we don't eat opossum. Momma Rugg says a opossum is nothin but a big rat with those beady eyes and all. Well anyway I put the bag in the floorboard of the car and took off for Comer's house. I made it near to Leonardtown wher 234 cuts off and that opossum came back to life and jumped outa that bag onto the seat and started hissin at me and gnashin its teeth.

Now I aint the skeert type but if ya ever had a dead opossum crawl up in the seat next to ya and start hissin while you are goin 55 mile per hour I can tell ya it's nuthin you want to happen. Well luckily when it lunged for me I had the state of mind to grab the door handle and bail out. When I finally stopped rollin and got my bearins I saw Momma Ruggs Cordova still goin down the road with that crazed opossum peerin out the drivers window with those beady eyes and I swear he was grinnin at me.

Well I took off walkin cause I didn't figgure that opossum could make it very far cause the Cordova was near about outa gas. About a mile down the road there was that Cordova in the ditch and a sheriff's deputy next to it. That deputy near about laughed himself silly when I told him about bein car jacked by a marsupial. Of course that opossum was no where to be found but my payday candybar was missin off the front seat.

Fer real?

 

[RoseRed]

Fer real?

Indeed!

 

[Dye Tied]

bedtime stories!

 

[RoseRed]

bedtime stories!

Funny movie!

 

[belvak]

bedtime stories!

I'ze might be maybe gonna be havin' nitemares!!

 

[Dye Tied]

Funny movie!

I haven't seen it.

 

[StanleyRugg]

Fer real?

Yessir, the truth. I also had a friend who had a parrot named McGuyver after that TV show about a man who could make anything out of common ordinary stuff. Like this one time he made a laser beam out of a 9 volt battery a ear ring from a pretty woman and a magnifying glass and shot down a helicopter full of bad guys. Momma loved McGuyver, she said it was a good clean show in a day when all the other shows were nuthin but debauchery and sinfullness. Bein an inventor and a scientist myself I know most of that was make believe just for TV stuff.

Anyhow McGuyver was not really a wild animal cause he was born tame but he was wild at heart cause he would be nice until you let your guard down then he would bite a hickey on you. He had one strong beak. Did you know parrots can bite with something like a bazzilion pounds of force? Anyhow McGuyver was a sneaky parrot and after he bit a hickey on you he would try to get away. So one day he was cozyin up and bein nice so I was pretting his head cause he liked that when he reached up out of the blue and near bout bit my finger off. In a moment of anger I aint proud of I grabbed Momma Ruggs "CHiPs" pillow autographed by Ponch whos real name is Erik Estrada and I chased McGuyver through the trailer trying to swat him out of the air.

Well I missed him and he hid in a closet but I was terrified of that parrot for years. Lucky I didn't hit him with that CHiPs pillow because if I had got bird droppings on it Momma would have come unhinged. She didn't like McGuyver either cause he knew some cuss words and would shout them out at bad times. One time when I was birdsitting McGuyver she was watchin PTL Club on TV when McGuyver busted out in a cuss laiden rant. Momma said any bird that would squak out filth during PTL Club TV show was no doubt filled with Satan.

 

[RoseRed]

Yessir, the truth. I also had a friend who had a parrot named McGuyver after that TV show about a man who could make anything out of common ordinary stuff. Like this one time he made a laser beam out of a 9 volt battery a ear ring from a pretty woman and a magnifying glass and shot down a helicopter full of bad guys. Momma loved McGuyver, she said it was a good clean show in a day when all the other shows were nuthin but debauchery and sinfullness. Bein an inventor and a scientist myself I know most of that was make believe just for TV stuff.

Anyhow McGuyver was not really a wild animal cause he was born tame but he was wild at heart cause he would be nice until you let your guard down then he would bite a hickey on you. He had one strong beak. Did you know parrots can bite with something like a bazzilion pounds of force? Anyhow McGuyver was a sneaky parrot and after he bit a hickey on you he would try to get away. So one day he was cozyin up and bein nice so I was pretting his head cause he liked that when he reached up out of the blue and near bout bit my finger off. In a moment of anger I aint proud of I grabbed Momma Ruggs "CHiPs" pillow autographed by Ponch whos real name is Erik Estrada and I chased McGuyver through the trailer trying to swat him out of the air.

Well I missed him and he hid in a closet but I was terrified of that parrot for years. Lucky I didn't hit him with that CHiPs pillow because if I had got bird droppings on it Momma would have come unhinged. She didn't like McGuyver either cause he knew some cuss words and would shout them out at bad times. One time when I was birdsitting McGuyver she was watchin PTL Club on TV when McGuyver busted out in a cuss laiden rant. Momma said any bird that would squak out filth during PTL Club TV show was no doubt filled with Satan.

 

[Larry Gude]

Damn, Stan, you need your own show!

 

[luckystar]

Think we can get him on Channel 10?

 

[Katelin]

...just a little worse than wet dog.

I'm trying to trap a ground hog who dug a hole under my porch so I can assassinate him. Last night, I got me a raccoon. Well, he was just pathetic, wet, cold, hungry, a mess, so, he looks at me with this 'help me, please?' look and those raccoon eyes, just sad, and I'm like, OK, OK, OK.

Scared the hell out of me, but I feel like I did something good today.

Nice job Larry!

You did better than a family who trapped a raccoon and released it several miles away and later called me after 3 babies fell from the ceiling of the garage. It had been 5 days and they were close to death from starvation.

Be very careful trapping and relocating animals right now...it is spring and many have babies still rely on momma on them for their survival.

Thanks for the great story!