What would you do?

[sweetprincess23]

Not sure if this is right thread but I figured it was family related.

My biological father was the black sheep of his family. My grandparents died when I was in elementary school and after they passed my fathers family cut off all connections with me. I do not speak to my father either. Pretty much I do not know my fathers family at all. My mother runs into my dad’s family every couple of years and they don’t seem to want to know me. I do remember when I was younger I had a younger cousin who had issues with either her kidney or liver, I am not sure the details. Recently my mother ran into my aunt and my cousin. My mom said my cousin looked very ill and my aunt said she is on a waiting list for a new liver or kidney. Every time they think she will get a new organ someone is a little worse off than her so she doesn’t get the transplant. I do not know the details of her illness.

My issue is…

Should I try to find my family and offer any help if possible? I want to know if there is something I can do to help her. What if I am a match and could donate an organ or piece of an organ to help her? Just because my family has no plans on knowing me I don’t think a young girl should suffer. But, what if there is nothing I can do and my family still wants nothing to do with me. I will be hurt even more and have to deal with even more rejection. I know my aunts first name and very little about my family. I spoke to my father last year and he didn’t seem to happy about helping get to know them. I do know they have moved to St.Marys recently but that is all I know.

What would you do? Would you try to hunt down a family that you don’t know or would you leave it the way it is? How do you hunt down a family without spending money on websites that may not work? My mother isn’t the type of person who would help me and I don’t speak to my father. I don’t want anything bad to happen to her but I don’t want to be rejected again.

 

[Wenchy]

You can easily live with half a liver (regenerates) and one kidney.

This is an issue you have to deal with personally. You might die.

You are feeling the need to ask and need to explore all the issues.

Do what you feel is right.

 

[SoMDGirl42]

Not sure if this is right thread but I figured it was family related.

My biological father was the black sheep of his family. My grandparents died when I was in elementary school and after they passed my fathers family cut off all connections with me. I do not speak to my father either. Pretty much I do not know my fathers family at all. My mother runs into my dad’s family every couple of years and they don’t seem to want to know me. I do remember when I was younger I had a younger cousin who had issues with either her kidney or liver, I am not sure the details. Recently my mother ran into my aunt and my cousin. My mom said my cousin looked very ill and my aunt said she is on a waiting list for a new liver or kidney. Every time they think she will get a new organ someone is a little worse off than her so she doesn’t get the transplant. I do not know the details of her illness.

My issue is…

Should I try to find my family and offer any help if possible? I want to know if there is something I can do to help her. What if I am a match and could donate an organ or piece of an organ to help her? Just because my family has no plans on knowing me I don’t think a young girl should suffer. But, what if there is nothing I can do and my family still wants nothing to do with me. I will be hurt even more and have to deal with even more rejection. I know my aunts first name and very little about my family. I spoke to my father last year and he didn’t seem to happy about helping get to know them. I do know they have moved to St.Marys recently but that is all I know.

What would you do? Would you try to hunt down a family that you don’t know or would you leave it the way it is? How do you hunt down a family without spending money on websites that may not work? My mother isn’t the type of person who would help me and I don’t speak to my father. I don’t want anything bad to happen to her but I don’t want to be rejected again.

that's tough. Wait, see if they approach you first. Then you will have to make the choice. I'm leaning toward no. Kinda like when you hit the lottery and you have friends and family falling out of the woodwork wanting to be your new BFF. Where the hell where they when you were broke and eating oodles of noodles? Just a thought, do you think they'd do it for you if the shoe was on the other foot?

 

[theArtistFormerlyKnownAs]

that's tough. Wait, see if they approach you first. Then you will have to make the choice. I'm leaning toward no. Kinda like when you hit the lottery and you have friends and family falling out of the woodwork wanting to be your new BFF. Where the hell where they when you were broke and eating oodles of noodles? Just a thought, do you think they'd do it for you if the shoe was on the other foot?

I wholeheartedly agree with this post

 

[Cowgirl]

You can easily live with half a liver (regenerates) and one kidney.

Well, you can live with one kidney but it shortens your life.

Hmm. I guess that was the old answer. The new studies show it does not shorten your life.

 

[SoccerMom2]

I say no. The cut ties with you a long time ago. Your cousin has been suffering a while and they have not contacted you. That"s your answer. They won't even contact you to save your cousins life. It sucks but you are better off with out them. I know it sounds mean but i wouldn't help any so called family member if they shut me out years ago.

 

[Dupontster]

I say no. The cut ties with you a long time ago. Your cousin has been suffering a while and they have not contacted you. That"s your answer. They won't even contact you to save your cousins life. It sucks but you are better off with out them. I know it sounds mean but i wouldn't help any so called family member if they shut me out years ago.

Can't help too much on this thread but how were the crabcakes?

 

[SoccerMom2]

Can't help too much on this thread but how were the crabcakes?

They were awesome! My Hubby loved them. I wish i wasn't allergic to them. They looked so yummy!

 

[sweetprincess23]

wow I thought atleast someone would say go for it. But I understand where everyone is coming from.

I also think about why haven't they come looking for me. I believe she has dealt with this for atleast 12 years maybe. I know she is a in high school and was maybe 3 or 5 when they realized she was sick, Idk.

I also think about how it isn't her fault for me losing my family. When my mom recently saw her she said she looked jaundice, which I thought was liver issues. But my mom also said something about her being on dialysis I think, which is kidney issues. I don't know what is wrong with her. Maybe there is nothing I could do.

I don't even know what would be involved if I was able to help her. I do think they have financial resources so I am sure they have tried everything. I don't know what I will do, probably nothing because I don't even know where to start looking for them. I just hope she gets the help she needs to survive.

 

[libby]

that's tough. Wait, see if they approach you first. Then you will have to make the choice. I'm leaning toward no. Kinda like when you hit the lottery and you have friends and family falling out of the woodwork wanting to be your new BFF. Where the hell where they when you were broke and eating oodles of noodles? Just a thought, do you think they'd do it for you if the shoe was on the other foot?

Well, I disagree with this. Are we supposed to do what is right only if they would do right by us? I don't think so.
The sick cousin is an innocent victim of the family dynamic, is that correct? You have the chance to do something great, even if you do not turn out to be a match. How do you think you might change them by your selflessness?
I have no idea if you are Christian, but if you are, you have the chance to say exactly as Jesus did, "This is my body, which is given up for you."
You would be doing no less.

 

[Beta84]

Well, I disagree with this. Are we supposed to do what is right only if they would do right by us? I don't think so.
The sick cousin is an innocent victim of the family dynamic, is that correct? You have the chance to do something great, even if you do not turn out to be a match. How do you think you might change them by your selflessness?
I have no idea if you are Christian, but if you are, you have the chance to say exactly as Jesus did, "This is my body, which is given up for you."
You would be doing no less.

I don't know about that. These days with internet, you can track down family members by using facebook/myspace and talk to them even if the rest of your family doesn't. I've tracked down a couple family members that other people in my family don't really talk to...so I don't know if a high schooler is necessarily only unable to speak with her because of the other family members.

I think it's pretty disappointing when people sit around trying to quote scripture and using religion for reasons why someone should be making a potentially life-threatening decision to donate a kidney or part of a liver. That's dangerous stuff and on top of that, it sounds like her cousin would need both to be ok.

I got an idea...libby...you go down and check to see if you're an organ match. If you aren't then you should recommend your relatives to check. If they aren't, then maybe try to get some friends or other people on the SOMD boards to go next. After all, it sounds like everyone should do it. Why stop at estranged family? Everyone should donate 1 kidney and part of their liver to someone in need. Ok everyone go go go! Even if that happens, I still hate people trying to guilt someone into it because of religion. No life or death decision, no matter how minimal the risk, should EVER be guilted by religious jargon. Each person has a right to their own decision.

sp -- it's a dangerous procedure and while this is technically a blood relative, she is basically nothing more than a stranger to you. I don't really know if risking your life for a stranger is a good idea. Additionally, there would be 2 possible results. The first is that part of the family starts talking to you...but only talks to you because you donated an organ. The other more hurtful option is they still don't talk to you, even after all you've done. Do you really want to face either situation?

 

[pixiegirl]

wow I thought atleast someone would say go for it. But I understand where everyone is coming from.

I also think about why haven't they come looking for me. I believe she has dealt with this for atleast 12 years maybe. I know she is a in high school and was maybe 3 or 5 when they realized she was sick, Idk.

I also think about how it isn't her fault for me losing my family. When my mom recently saw her she said she looked jaundice, which I thought was liver issues. But my mom also said something about her being on dialysis I think, which is kidney issues. I don't know what is wrong with her. Maybe there is nothing I could do.

I don't even know what would be involved if I was able to help her. I do think they have financial resources so I am sure they have tried everything. I don't know what I will do, probably nothing because I don't even know where to start looking for them. I just hope she gets the help she needs to survive.

I'm pretty surprised by the answers myself. As biatchy as I am I'd do it for ANY child and probably most adults. You have to separate yourself from your feelings of rejection by the rest of the family. It's apples and oranges. She didn't abandon you or turn her back on you. The rest of the family very well may not embrace you afterwards but that shouldn't be the reason you do it. You should do it because there's something inside you that wants to selflessly help someone that needs you. I know you'd hope that the good deed would be rewarded but the reward would and should be within yourself knowing you did something good. I think from your post that part of you exists because if it didn't than you wouldn't even be considering with the possibility of more rejection from your estranged family. Real life karma is interesting.

 

[Beta84]

I'm pretty surprised by the answers myself. As biatchy as I am I'd do it for ANY child and probably most adults. You have to separate yourself from your feelings of rejection by the rest of the family. It's apples and oranges. She didn't abandon you or turn her back on you. The rest of the family very well may not embrace you afterwards but that shouldn't be the reason you do it. You should do it because there's something inside you that wants to selflessly help someone that needs you. I know you'd hope that the good deed would be rewarded but the reward would and should be within yourself knowing you did something good. I think from your post that part of you exists because if it didn't than you wouldn't even be considering with the possibility of more rejection from your estranged family. Real life karma is interesting.

A good reason to consider it without any BS attached. (yay for green karma!)

sp, only you know what you want to do. You've heard both sides and I think good arguments both ways...but when all is said and done, you need to do with you think is right for all involved. If you look inside you'll eventually know what you want to do. But remember, you can probably only do these donations once. It truly is a gift.

 

[Cowgirl]

I don't think I'd do it unless it was a family member or a very close friend. I've got a family too, and I have to think about them. It's a HUGE decision and I don't think I'd take it very lightly.

 

[libby]

I don't know about that. These days with internet, you can track down family members by using facebook/myspace and talk to them even if the rest of your family doesn't. I've tracked down a couple family members that other people in my family don't really talk to...so I don't know if a high schooler is necessarily only unable to speak with her because of the other family members.

I think it's pretty disappointing when people sit around trying to quote scripture and using religion for reasons why someone should be making a potentially life-threatening decision to donate a kidney or part of a liver. That's dangerous stuff and on top of that, it sounds like her cousin would need both to be ok.

I got an idea...libby...you go down and check to see if you're an organ match. If you aren't then you should recommend your relatives to check. If they aren't, then maybe try to get some friends or other people on the SOMD boards to go next. After all, it sounds like everyone should do it. Why stop at estranged family? Everyone should donate 1 kidney and part of their liver to someone in need. Ok everyone go go go! Even if that happens, I still hate people trying to guilt someone into it because of religion. No life or death decision, no matter how minimal the risk, should EVER be guilted by religious jargon. Each person has a right to their own decision.

sp -- it's a dangerous procedure and while this is technically a blood relative, she is basically nothing more than a stranger to you. I don't really know if risking your life for a stranger is a good idea. Additionally, there would be 2 possible results. The first is that part of the family starts talking to you...but only talks to you because you donated an organ. The other more hurtful option is they still don't talk to you, even after all you've done. Do you really want to face either situation?

When someone poses a question in a public forum, I think it's safe to assume that they are going to get a variety of responses. Some with have "religious" undertones (or overtones), and some not.
Note that I said, "if" she happens to be Christian, and if she is, perhaps my particular line of reasoning would "speak" to her. Nowhere did I condemn any other faith traditions or opinions. I also never implied that a "good Christian" would absolutely make the donation, either. Indeed, it is up to a person to make the decision based on their own circumstances.

I think it's pretty disappointing when people sit around trying to quote scripture and using religion for reasons why someone should be making a potentially life-threatening decision

So, somehow it's more virtuous and right to have reasons based on....what? Opinions? Yeah, okay.

I got an idea...libby...you go down and check to see if you're an organ match

FYI- I have been tested for kidney donation when I learned of the need of an aquaintance, I am on the bone marrow donor registry list, and I will be donating my organs at the time of my death if they are usable. Oh yeah, and I give blood regularly. Next.

 

[SouthernMdRocks]

Not sure if this is right thread but I figured it was family related.

My biological father was the black sheep of his family. My grandparents died when I was in elementary school and after they passed my fathers family cut off all connections with me. I do not speak to my father either. Pretty much I do not know my fathers family at all. My mother runs into my dad’s family every couple of years and they don’t seem to want to know me. I do remember when I was younger I had a younger cousin who had issues with either her kidney or liver, I am not sure the details. Recently my mother ran into my aunt and my cousin. My mom said my cousin looked very ill and my aunt said she is on a waiting list for a new liver or kidney. Every time they think she will get a new organ someone is a little worse off than her so she doesn’t get the transplant. I do not know the details of her illness.

My issue is…

Should I try to find my family and offer any help if possible? I want to know if there is something I can do to help her. What if I am a match and could donate an organ or piece of an organ to help her? Just because my family has no plans on knowing me I don’t think a young girl should suffer. But, what if there is nothing I can do and my family still wants nothing to do with me. I will be hurt even more and have to deal with even more rejection. I know my aunts first name and very little about my family. I spoke to my father last year and he didn’t seem to happy about helping get to know them. I do know they have moved to St.Marys recently but that is all I know.

What would you do? Would you try to hunt down a family that you don’t know or would you leave it the way it is? How do you hunt down a family without spending money on websites that may not work? My mother isn’t the type of person who would help me and I don’t speak to my father. I don’t want anything bad to happen to her but I don’t want to be rejected again.

If you know what hospital she is using you might be able to let them know that you might be a match for her and make yourself available for testing. If you turned out to be a match then you could make the decision to donate to her. I don't know if the family would even be involved. I wouldn't do it just to try to be a part of their family. They don't seem worth it, only referring to those that didn't include you in their family, not the cousin.

 

[This_person]

Assuming you are an adult, I would say your father's family disowning you with your father was pretty weak and sorry of them. They were adults when you were a child, so by disowning you then they were making the "mature" decision that determined you were not a part of their family.

However, you can't live your life by how other people act - you have to act how YOU believe is correct, regardless of how they have acted.

Is this other person's life worth the risk to your own? Is helping them worth the risk of your immediate family losing you? If so, you should go through with trying to help this extended family member. If not, you should not and should not allow yourself any guilt for it. You did not make this other person sick in the first place, and your actions may or may not help them, may or may not harm you and yours.

I would suggest you simply weigh the potential risks to those who care about you and need you against the potential gain of this "family" member, and act accordingly.

 

[This_person]

Not sure if this is right thread but I figured it was family related.

My biological father was the black sheep of his family. My grandparents died when I was in elementary school and after they passed my fathers family cut off all connections with me. I do not speak to my father either. Pretty much I do not know my fathers family at all. My mother runs into my dad’s family every couple of years and they don’t seem to want to know me. I do remember when I was younger I had a younger cousin who had issues with either her kidney or liver, I am not sure the details. Recently my mother ran into my aunt and my cousin. My mom said my cousin looked very ill and my aunt said she is on a waiting list for a new liver or kidney. Every time they think she will get a new organ someone is a little worse off than her so she doesn’t get the transplant. I do not know the details of her illness.

My issue is…

Should I try to find my family and offer any help if possible? I want to know if there is something I can do to help her. What if I am a match and could donate an organ or piece of an organ to help her? Just because my family has no plans on knowing me I don’t think a young girl should suffer. But, what if there is nothing I can do and my family still wants nothing to do with me. I will be hurt even more and have to deal with even more rejection. I know my aunts first name and very little about my family. I spoke to my father last year and he didn’t seem to happy about helping get to know them. I do know they have moved to St.Marys recently but that is all I know.

What would you do? Would you try to hunt down a family that you don’t know or would you leave it the way it is? How do you hunt down a family without spending money on websites that may not work? My mother isn’t the type of person who would help me and I don’t speak to my father. I don’t want anything bad to happen to her but I don’t want to be rejected again.

So, what did you decide to do?

 

[RareBreed]

I'm kind of in the same boat as far as having a certain side of my family disown me (and my brother and sister). My dad's parents, upon my parent's divorce, decided that since their son was no longer married to our mom, we were no longer their grandkids. They cut off all ties to us in every respect. They wouldn't even talk to us if we called them to see how they were doing. Years later, I happened to get the email address of one of my cousins (on my dad's side of the family). On a whim, I decided to write him. Of course, he denied the whole "grandma and grandpa disowned me and my siblings" stuff but I expected nothing less. He and his brother had been in the grandparent's back pocket even when my family was still around.

Anyways, I think you should atleast contact them and tell them that you'd be willing to be tested to see if you are a match. If they say no, it's on them. If the girl dies, they are left with the thought that maybe you could have saved her. If they say yes, then that can be a platform to mend the hard feeling between you and your family. For all you know, they might not be aware of how or why communication stopped between you and that part of the family. In any case, I would atleast let them know that you are willing to get tested.

You should not have any predetermined ideas if by chance you are a match and they use your kidney/liver. Don't expect that since you were nice to them, everything will be happily ever after. If you are only offering to receive something in return, you are doing it for the wrong reason. JMHO.

 

[SoMDGirl42]

Well, I disagree with this. Are we supposed to do what is right only if they would do right by us? I don't think so.
The sick cousin is an innocent victim of the family dynamic, is that correct? You have the chance to do something great, even if you do not turn out to be a match. How do you think you might change them by your selflessness?
I have no idea if you are Christian, but if you are, you have the chance to say exactly as Jesus did, "This is my body, which is given up for you."
You would be doing no less.

BTW, in 1995 I was approached by a total stranger that was doing a drive for a family member of theirs that needed a bone marrow transplant.

I went to the lab and donated 10 vials of blood and requested to be put on the national donor registry. I've even updated my address and contact information with them for the last 14 years. I think that was pretty selfless. Had I been contacted as a match, I would have given my bone marrow without question to save someone.

How many others out here can say they've been cross matched and placed on the bone marrow resistry?????