Who feels this way?

[This_person]

Is this how most women view getting married in the first place - they do it because "that's the way I've always heard it should be", my friends are all doing it, etc. - all the while not believing in the idea of marriage at all? All negative feelings, but doing it anyway?

 

[BET]

I think that a lot fewer couples stay together in an "empty marriage" today than when this song was written.

 

[BET]

...Oh, and no women don't get married because they think, "it's the thing to do" like back when the song was written either.

 

[MMM_donuts]

A few years ago, my aunt (she's only 9 years older than me) had a very serious conversations with me that my current boyfriend was good enough because he wasn't a cheater or beater and was financially stable. She also told me how I had set my expectations too high and no one ever really finds complete happiness.

Now that I am married to the perfect man, I feel sorry for her and her sad little marriage.

 

[drivingdaisy]

I don't think people to because "they are supposed to" much anymore. But I bet plenty of people get caught up in wanting a wedding and not thinking about how the marriage to this person will be. I don't believe in a perfect man or a perfect marriage, but I love my husband more than I could possibly explain and he loves me. We were together for over 7 years before we finally got married so I wasn't in a rush just to get married.

 

[vraiblonde]

I think women in particular view marriage as a validation of their worth. They also think this means someone else will be paying their bills and taking care of them. We can simply look at the divorce rate to know that this is not true.

Marriage is pretty much played out. It used to be a joining of two people who loved each other and wanted to build a life together, affirmed by God and/or society. Now it's just something people do when they're bored or feeling insecure. I don't think anyone really takes it seriously anymore.

 

[vraiblonde]

Now that I am married to the perfect man, I feel sorry for her and her sad little marriage.

How long have you been married?

 

[Im_Me]

Well I'm optimistic that marriage can work, even though mine didn't. I know many people who have lovely marriages of long standing. But it isn't about finding the perfect person...I think commitment is as much about respecting and valuing yourself as it is valuing the other person.

There is way too much rushing into relationships for the wrong reasons though! I know I'm passing up really nice but not very good looking guys and picking "pretty" jerks! (Even though I walk around the retirement home where my mom lives and realize that pretty soon everyone is going to look equally bad!.)

 

[libertytyranny]

I don't see any reason to get married anymore, aside from having a wedding. Really, what are the benefits? It isn't necessary anymore, why put your 401k within reach of someone else for no clear benefit?

people get married because they think they are supposed to, that's it. If you really believe in love forever, perfect soulmate blah blah blah... you can love each other without being married. :shrug: So what does marriage do for you? it gives you an excuse to throw a party, and not much else.

Marriage has nothing to do with love. It's a business decision...you decide that you are going to be together, pool your resources, raise children, and enjoy some tax breaks. You marry because you "loveeee" someone without the business considerations, you are doomed. This is why arranged marriages last longer and have MUCH lower divorce rates, they have the right "view" of marriage. there is no perfect man, there is no perfect marriage. A huge body of research shows that your passionate love for someone goes away nearly entirely after a few years and is replaced with companionship love much like you could get from a friend. the quicker you realize that love doesn't matter a bit, and it's about business, the better off your life will be.

People have been deluded into thinking they must marry for LOVE, that it must be the "prince charming" ...the "perfect man" their "soulmate" someone they will feel romantic comedy style love for their whole lives...and then are bitterly disapointed and severely confused when that love and intense feeling goes away...that's when they decide to divorce or cheat..to get that feeling back. You can chase it your whole life, it won't stay. Realize that, embrace it, and decide that instead of chasing it you will be content with a family, a good life, and a business partner who supports you and pursues the same goals...and your life will be far happier than someone who married because they were soooo in love.

 

[Vince]

Love? Marriage? Something you read about in books and see on TV. No such things in real life.

 

[BadGirl]

I'm surprised, and pretty disappointed, at some of the cynicism here in this thread.

I for one, love being married, and love my husband VERY much. I'm glad that we are married, and glad that I waited to find one suitable to me. It is my hope that we are happily married old people wheeling each other through the retirement home some day, of course, that day will be sooner for Bob.

Now, he might have a differing opinion on our marriage and being married to me .......

 

[kwillia]

I believe...

 

[vraiblonde]

I don't see any reason to get married anymore, aside from having a wedding. Really, what are the benefits? It isn't necessary anymore, why put your 401k within reach of someone else for no clear benefit?

people get married because they think they are supposed to, that's it. If you really believe in love forever, perfect soulmate blah blah blah... you can love each other without being married. :shrug: So what does marriage do for you? it gives you an excuse to throw a party, and not much else.

Marriage has nothing to do with love. It's a business decision...you decide that you are going to be together, pool your resources, raise children, and enjoy some tax breaks. You marry because you "loveeee" someone without the business considerations, you are doomed. This is why arranged marriages last longer and have MUCH lower divorce rates, they have the right "view" of marriage. there is no perfect man, there is no perfect marriage. A huge body of research shows that your passionate love for someone goes away nearly entirely after a few years and is replaced with companionship love much like you could get from a friend. the quicker you realize that love doesn't matter a bit, and it's about business, the better off your life will be.

People have been deluded into thinking they must marry for LOVE, that it must be the "prince charming" ...the "perfect man" their "soulmate" someone they will feel romantic comedy style love for their whole lives...and then are bitterly disapointed and severely confused when that love and intense feeling goes away...that's when they decide to divorce or cheat..to get that feeling back. You can chase it your whole life, it won't stay. Realize that, embrace it, and decide that instead of chasing it you will be content with a family, a good life, and a business partner who supports you and pursues the same goals...and your life will be far happier than someone who married because they were soooo in love.

You are amazingly astute for someone so young.

 

[vraiblonde]

I for one, love being married, and love my husband VERY much. I'm glad that we are married, and glad that I waited to find one suitable to me.

Key. I don't think most people do that - they just take the first sucker who comes along.

Failed marriages fascinate me. You sit and talk to people about what went wrong, and many times it's very clear that these two people should have only gotten to the second date before they realized they weren't compatible. Then there are those who probably shouldn't be married ever to anyone because they just aren't the type to commit. As an outside observer, you see the looming disaster, and it's interesting that the people involved are blind to it.

 

[libertytyranny]

You are amazingly astute for someone so young.

and rarely intelligent enough to take my own advice.

 

[Merlin99]

I think women in particular view marriage as a validation of their worth. They also think this means someone else will be paying their bills and taking care of them. We can simply look at the divorce rate to know that this is not true.

Marriage is pretty much played out. It used to be a joining of two people who loved each other and wanted to build a life together, affirmed by God and/or society. Now it's just something people do when they're bored or feeling insecure. I don't think anyone really takes it seriously anymore.

I think a lot of women get married because they doubt their ability to make it on their own financially.

 

[RoseRed]

I think a lot of women get married because they doubt their ability to make it on their own financially.

I have been doing just fine for the last 7 years. :shrug:

 

[Vince]

Got my friends. Don't need a wife again.

If I need sex, I'll go get me one of those $1500 hookers.

 

[GWguy]

Marriage is pretty much played out. It used to be a joining of two people who loved each other and wanted to build a life together, affirmed by God and/or society. Now it's just something people do when they're bored or feeling insecure. I don't think anyone really takes it seriously anymore.

This was discussed on one of those 'celebrity new shows', like entertainment tonight or something... the 'authority' they talked with was a real believer that women get caught up with the idea of the marriage and the wedding, the pomp and circumstance, etc... and much less about the love, companionship and future. It's all about the wedding itself and not much else.

 

[GWguy]

Got my friends, don't need a wife again.

If I need sex, I'll go get me one of those $1500 hookers.

I was trying to figure out how to weave that in here.......

and I'm with you.... been there, done that, have no desire to ever do it again.