"Who's On First" Meets the 21st Century......

Preceptor · Sep 10, 2003

ABBOTT: "Ultimate SuperDuper Computer Store. How can I help you?"

COSTELLO: "Thanks. I'm setting up a home office in the den, and I'm thinking
of buying a computer."

ABBOTT: "Mac?"

COSTELLO: "No, the name is Lou."

ABBOTT: "Your computer?"

COSTELLO: "I don't own a computer. I want to buy one."

ABBOTT: "Mac?"

COSTELLO: "I told you, my name is Lou."

ABBOTT: "What about Windows?"

COSTELLO: "Why? Does it get stuffy?"

ABBOTT: "Do you want a computer with Windows?"

COSTELLO: "I don't know. What do I see when I look out the windows?"

ABBOTT: "Wallpaper."

COSTELLO: "Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software."

ABBOTT: "Software that runs on Windows?"

COSTELLO: "No, on the computer! I need something I can use to write
proposals, track expenses. You know, run a business. What have you got?"

ABBOTT: "Office."

COSTELLO: "Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?"

ABBOTT: "I just did."

COSTELLO: "You just did what?"

ABBOTT: "Recommended something."

COSTELLO: "You recommended something?"

ABBOTT: "Yes."

COSTELLO: "For my office?"

ABBOTT: "Yes."

COSTELLO: "Okay, what did you recommend for my office?"

ABBOTT: "Office."

COSTELLO: "Yes, for my office."

ABBOTT: "Office for Windows."

COSTELLO: "I already have an office and it already has windows! Let's say
I'm sitting at my computer, and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?"

ABBOTT: "Word."

COSTELLO: "If I'm writing a proposal, I'm going to need lots of words. But
what program do I load?"

ABBOTT: "Word."

COSTELLO: "What word?"

ABBOTT: "The Word in Office."

COSTELLO: "The only word in office is office."

ABBOTT: "The Word in Office for Windows."

COSTELLO: "Which word in "office for windows?""

ABBOTT: "The Word you get when you click the blue W."

COSTELLO: "I'm going to click your big W if you don't give me a straight
answer. Let's forget about words for a minute. What do I need if I want to
watch a movie over the Internet?"

ABBOTT: "RealOne."

COSTELLO: "Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your
business. But what do I need to watch it?"

ABBOTT: "RealOne."

COSTELLO: "If it's a long movie I'll also want to watch reels two, three and
four. Can I watch reel four?"

ABBOTT: "Of course."

COSTELLO: "Great! With what?"

ABBOTT: "RealOne."

COSTELLO: "Okay, so I'm sitting at my computer and I want to watch a movie.
What do I do?"

ABBOTT: "You click the blue 1."

COSTELLO: "I click the blue one what?"

ABBOTT: "The blue 1."

COSTELLO: "Is that different from the blue W?"

ABBOTT: "Of course it is. The blue 1 is RealOne. The blue W is Word."

COSTELLO: "What word?"

ABBOTT: "The Word in Office for Windows."

COSTELLO: "But there's three words in "office for windows!""

ABBOTT: "No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world."

COSTELLO: "It is?"

ABBOTT: "Yes, although to be fair there aren't many other Words left. It
pretty much wiped out all the other Words."

COSTELLO: "And that word is the real one?"

ABBOTT: "No. RealOne has nothing to do with Word. RealOne isn't even part of
Office."

COSTELLO: "Never mind; I don't want to get started with that again. But I
also need something for bank accounts, loans, and so on. What do you have to
help me track my money?"

ABBOTT: "Money."

COSTELLO: "That's right. What do you have?"

ABBOTT: "Money."

COSTELLO: "I need money to track my money?"

ABBOTT: "No, not really. It comes bundled with your computer."

COSTELLO: "What comes bundled with my computer?"

ABBOTT: "Money."

COSTELLO: "Money comes bundled with my computer?"

ABBOTT: "Exactly. No extra charge."

COSTELLO: "I get a bundle of money with my computer at no extra charge? How
much money do I get?"

ABBOTT: "Just one copy."

COSTELLO: "I get a copy of money. Isn't that illegal?"

ABBOTT: "No. We have a license from Microsoft to make copies of Money."

COSTELLO: "Microsoft can license you to make money?"

ABBOTT: "Why not? They own it."

COSTELLO: "Well, it's great that I'm going to get free money, but I'll still
need to track it. Do you have anything for managing your money?"

ABBOTT: "Managing Your Money? That program disappeared years ago."

COSTELLO: "Well, what do you sell in its place?"

ABBOTT: "Money."

COSTELLO: "You sell money?"

ABBOTT: "Of course. But if you buy a computer from us, you get it for free."

COSTELLO: "That's all very wonderful, but I'll be running a business. Do you
have any software for, you know, accounting?"

ABBOTT: "Simply Accounting."

COSTELLO: "Probably, but it might get a little complicated."

ABBOTT: "If you don't want Simply Accounting, you might try M.Y.O.B."

COSTELLO: "M.Y.O.B.? What does that stand for?"

ABBOTT: "Mind Your Own Business."

COSTELLO: "I beg your pardon?"

ABBOTT: "No, that would be I.B.Y.P. I said M.Y.O.B."

COSTELLO: "Look, I just need to do some accounting for my home business. You
know--accounting? You do it with money."

ABBOTT: "Of course you can do accounting with Money. But you may need more."

COSTELLO: "More money?"

ABBOTT: "More than Money. Money can't do everything."

COSTELLO: "I don't need a sermon! Okay, let's forget about money for the
moment. I'm worried that my computer might...what's the word? Crash. And if
my computer crashes, what can I use to restore my data?"

ABBOTT: "GoBack."

COSTELLO: "Okay. I'm worried about my computer smashing and I need something
to restore my data. What do you recommend?"

ABBOTT: "GoBack."

COSTELLO: "How many times do I have to repeat myself?"

ABBOTT: "I've never asked you to repeat yourself. All I said was GoBack."

COSTELLO: "How can I go back if I haven't even been anywhere? Okay, I'll go
back. What do I need to write a proposal?"

ABBOTT: "Word."

COSTELLO: "But I'll need lots of words to write a proposal."

ABBOTT: "No, you only need one Word--the Word in Office for Windows."

COSTELLO: "But there's three words in. Oh, never mind."

ABBOTT: "Hello? Hello? Customers! Why do they always hang up on me?" "Oh,
well. Ultimate SuperDuper Computer Store. How can I help you?"