Why Is It Weirdly Sexy When Men Do The Bare Minimum?

SamSpade

Well-Known Member
Let me suggest you weren't turned on in the first place, otherwise her liking you back and wanting to see you would have been a plus.
There's some of that. Part of me was only slightly invested in the relationship, and that's actually part of the point.
I was only partly interested - she was very much so - overly eager gestures struck me as a turnoff.

Women - and men - are very often attracted to what they perceive as unattainable.
A distant person who is phoning it in might come across to some as more attractive.
Most of the time, a person who is phoning it in WAS definitely a turnoff - life is just too damned short.

I didn't OFTEN go all out for a girlfriend - I did for the woman I married. Sometimes. When we first began dating, I did buy for her birthday - and I was unemployed - a birthstone necklace, ring and earrings. Went over REALLY well. I didn't tell her I bought them from my sister, who felt guilty she had overspent for HER daughter's birthday and needed the money.

Mostly I had to be well into a relationship before I did a grand gesture. Married, I do it often. Snowstorm or raining, cold, late at night - and my wife wants something from the store. Just one thing. Same with daughters. Sure. Son? Hate to say it, but tough crap - wait like everyone else. My wife and daughters have me wrapped around their pinky.

I do think that sometimes, in a good marriage, you do things for your spouse that would SEEM really nice to a girlfriend, but you're just kind of used to doing them. Fold their laundry - fix them a lunch (when you're making your own). Pick them up something from the store they like. You're not TRYING, you just do it.
 

vraiblonde

Board Mommy
PREMO Member
Patron
I do think that sometimes, in a good marriage, you do things for your spouse that would SEEM really nice to a girlfriend, but you're just kind of used to doing them. Fold their laundry - fix them a lunch (when you're making your own). Pick them up something from the store they like. You're not TRYING, you just do it.
Ah, but those little things ARE trying. It says you recognize she exists, and sometimes that makes all the difference in the world. When Larry and I were dating my car headlights went out on the beltway. I called him from Greenbelt and he came from Frederick to rescue me, which of course I appreciated but the kicker was when he showed up with a Big Gulp filled with Diet Coke. He actually thought about I might want during that stressful episode and he was spot on.

That seems like a stupid thing, but that gesture was what made me want to marry him. Not the grand gesture rescue; the small gesture of the Big Gulp because that was personal and not something he'd do for a guy bud. It was just for me.

Of course, then I married him and he never did anything like that again, but that's beside the point. Sure, some women are high maintenance and need constant wining and dining, but I think most women fall in love with the small thoughtful gesture that lets her know you're thinking of her and that she is important to you.
 

SamSpade

Well-Known Member
Ah, but those little things ARE trying.
(shrug) It's not like she ever gives me credit. Somewhere in the back of her head where she's not thinking consciously there's this yeah he's a nice guy thought. And I'm not bucking for them, either. The other day I moved my daughter's laundry through and she had a lot (my kids do their own laundry). I wasn't mad because she hadn't done it and I wasn't trying to be thoughtful - I just knew she had a lot of things to do. I was online the other day and saw some elephant slippers and thought oh she'd like those (older daughter again). So I got them. Stuff like that. It's not bragging rights and you're not looking to win a contest. You just do them.

Of course, then I married him and he never did anything like that again, but that's beside the point. Sure, some women are high maintenance and need constant wining and dining, but I think most women fall in love with the small thoughtful gesture that lets her know you're thinking of her and that she is important to you.
Until my wife, that was largely the case for EVERYONE I dated - a few exceptions - but I've noticed sometimes that high maintenance persons don't always have their own life, are confident in their own skin and are self-assured. They need you to keep supplying it. My wife had her own life, and wanted me IN it - but I didn't have to create it for her.

It's a good thing, too. I've long given up trying to impress women - I just do stuff. I have never figured out that, for example, if I give my wife a dozen long stemmed roses - meh. But if I give her ONE every day for twelve days - THAT is cool. Makes no sense.
 

lucky_bee

RBF expert
Sure, some women are high maintenance and need constant wining and dining, but I think most women fall in love with the small thoughtful gesture that lets her know you're thinking of her and that she is important to you.
:yeahthat:

When I was dating my husband, I took him back home to meet the parents during the holidays. During the holiday meal prep a day or two before, my mom has a humongous pan of italian sausage on the stove browning. He noticed she had to spend a lot of time breaking it up with her wooden spoon. Without saying a word, the very next day (back when Amazon Prime actually delivered within 1-2 days :lol:) a brand new meat chopper/smasher tool (helps break up meat evenly as you brown it on the stove) arrived on her front porch. My mom was smitten, and I thought it was the sweetest gesture. Turns out he'd ordered me one too, waiting for when we returned. He knows my mother and I show our love thru food so he knew we'd love such a simple tool to help us when we cook for everyone else.

He's the last man to make some show-ey display of love. My birthday gift this year is extending our concrete patio so we can create more of an outdoors living area because he knows I enjoy relaxing out there. Concrete for my birthday :yahoo:
 

Grumpy

Well-Known Member
Wonder how many women would just swoon and get the vapors if they saw you in those shorts and tightee whities.
 
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