1. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him
"How do you expect to get into Heaven?"
The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming
the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"
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2. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon. All the
children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as
she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?"
The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a b##ch to iron."
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3. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She
came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read,
".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"
The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?"
One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy S##t! A talking chicken!'"
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
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4. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter."
Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown."
The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, "Aren't you Mr Sugarbrown's daughter?"
She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."
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5 A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the boys?"
Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough."
The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"
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6. A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father.
She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake.
The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your Twinkie."
She says, "Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too."
"How do you expect to get into Heaven?"
The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming
the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"
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2. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon. All the
children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as
she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?"
The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a b##ch to iron."
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3. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She
came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read,
".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"
The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?"
One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy S##t! A talking chicken!'"
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
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4. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter."
Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown."
The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, "Aren't you Mr Sugarbrown's daughter?"
She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."
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5 A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the boys?"
Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough."
The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"
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6. A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father.
She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake.
The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your Twinkie."
She says, "Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too."