Mikeinsmd
New Member
> An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.
>
> He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of
hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman
went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your
hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."
>
> The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and
listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"
>
>
>
> Keep reading
>
>
>
> Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench
under a tree when one turns to the other and says:
"Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're
about my age. How do you feel?"
>
> Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby."
>
> "Really!? Like a newborn baby!?"
>
> Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.
>
>
>
>
>
> Keep Reading
>
>
>
> An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after
> eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two
> gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a
>
> new restaurant and it was really great I would recommend it very
> highly."
>
> The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?"
>
> The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name of
> that flower you give to someone you love? You know... the one that's red
> and has thorns."
>
> "Do you mean a rose?"
>
> "Yes, that's the one," replied the man. He then turned towards the
> kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to
> last night?
>
>
>
> Keep Reading
>
>
>
> Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being
> discharged.
>
> However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman
> already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who
> insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital. After a
>
> chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the
> elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him. "I
> don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out
> of her hospital gown."
>
>
>
> Keep Reading
>
>
>
> Couple in their nineties is both having problems remembering things.
> During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but
> they might want to start writing things down to help them remember. Later
> that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. "Want
> anything while I'm in the kitchen?" he asks.
>
> "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"
>
> "Sure."
>
> "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she
> asks.
>
> "No, I can remember it."
>
> "Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it
> down, so's not to forget it?"
>
> He says, "I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with
> strawberries."
>
> "I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it
> down?" she asks.
>
> Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it!
> Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness
> sake!"
>
> Then he toddles into the kitchen.
>
> After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands
> his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.
>
> She stares at the plate for a moment. "Where's my toast?"
>
>
>
> KEEP READING
>
>
>
> A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: "So I hear you're
> getting married?"
>
> "Yep!"
>
> "Do I know her?"
>
> "Nope!"
>
> "This woman, is she good looking?"
>
> "Not really."
>
> "Is she a good cook?"
>
> "Naw, she can't cook too well."
>
> "Does she have lots of money?"
>
> "Nope, poor as a church mouse."
>
> "Well, then, is she good in bed?"
>
> "I don't know."
>
> "Why in the world do you want to marry her then?"
>
> "Because she can still drive!"
>
>
>
> Keep Reading
>
>
>
> Three old guys are out walking.
>
> First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"
>
> Second one says, "No, it's Thursday!"
>
> Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer".
>
> Keep Reading
>
>
>
> A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It
> cost me four thousand dollars, but its state of the art; it's perfect."
>
> "Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"
>
> " Twelve thirty."
>
>
>
> Keep Reading
>
>
>
> Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
>
> A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a
> gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke
> to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
>
> Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be
> cheerful.'"
>
> The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'"
>
>
>
> Keep Reading
>
> A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled
> himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he
> ordered a banana split.
>
> The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"
>
> "No," he replied, "Arthritis."
>
> He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of
hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman
went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your
hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."
>
> The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and
listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"
>
>
>
> Keep reading
>
>
>
> Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench
under a tree when one turns to the other and says:
"Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're
about my age. How do you feel?"
>
> Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby."
>
> "Really!? Like a newborn baby!?"
>
> Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.
>
>
>
>
>
> Keep Reading
>
>
>
> An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after
> eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two
> gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a
>
> new restaurant and it was really great I would recommend it very
> highly."
>
> The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?"
>
> The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name of
> that flower you give to someone you love? You know... the one that's red
> and has thorns."
>
> "Do you mean a rose?"
>
> "Yes, that's the one," replied the man. He then turned towards the
> kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to
> last night?
>
>
>
> Keep Reading
>
>
>
> Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being
> discharged.
>
> However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman
> already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who
> insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital. After a
>
> chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the
> elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him. "I
> don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out
> of her hospital gown."
>
>
>
> Keep Reading
>
>
>
> Couple in their nineties is both having problems remembering things.
> During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but
> they might want to start writing things down to help them remember. Later
> that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. "Want
> anything while I'm in the kitchen?" he asks.
>
> "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"
>
> "Sure."
>
> "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she
> asks.
>
> "No, I can remember it."
>
> "Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it
> down, so's not to forget it?"
>
> He says, "I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with
> strawberries."
>
> "I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it
> down?" she asks.
>
> Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it!
> Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness
> sake!"
>
> Then he toddles into the kitchen.
>
> After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands
> his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.
>
> She stares at the plate for a moment. "Where's my toast?"
>
>
>
> KEEP READING
>
>
>
> A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: "So I hear you're
> getting married?"
>
> "Yep!"
>
> "Do I know her?"
>
> "Nope!"
>
> "This woman, is she good looking?"
>
> "Not really."
>
> "Is she a good cook?"
>
> "Naw, she can't cook too well."
>
> "Does she have lots of money?"
>
> "Nope, poor as a church mouse."
>
> "Well, then, is she good in bed?"
>
> "I don't know."
>
> "Why in the world do you want to marry her then?"
>
> "Because she can still drive!"
>
>
>
> Keep Reading
>
>
>
> Three old guys are out walking.
>
> First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"
>
> Second one says, "No, it's Thursday!"
>
> Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer".
>
> Keep Reading
>
>
>
> A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It
> cost me four thousand dollars, but its state of the art; it's perfect."
>
> "Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"
>
> " Twelve thirty."
>
>
>
> Keep Reading
>
>
>
> Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
>
> A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a
> gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke
> to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
>
> Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be
> cheerful.'"
>
> The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'"
>
>
>
> Keep Reading
>
> A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled
> himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he
> ordered a banana split.
>
> The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"
>
> "No," he replied, "Arthritis."