Homer J
Power Chord
· Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are almost dead?
· Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they already know there is not enough money?
· Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars; but have to check when you say the paint is still wet?
· Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
· Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
· Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
· Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?
· If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
· Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
· Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
· Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
· Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
· Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
· How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
· Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
· In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
· How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
And my FAVORITE......
· The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.
· Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they already know there is not enough money?
· Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars; but have to check when you say the paint is still wet?
· Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
· Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
· Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
· Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?
· If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
· Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
· Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
· Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
· Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
· Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
· How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
· Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
· In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
· How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
And my FAVORITE......
· The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.
