Jailed Parents Imposed Views on Their Own Children
(2002-09-08) -- A Minnesota couple has been jailed on suspicion of imposing their own views on their young children. A public school teacher first alerted the division of family services (DFS) which immediately took three children out of the home pending an investigation. The arrest was made as the family left a Sunday morning worship service.
"We found in this home evidence of the worst sort of bigotry," said a spokeswoman for DFS. "Not only were these children receiving explicit instruction in the religion of their parents, to the exclusion of all others, but the parents also imposed a whole range of their own provincial ideas upon the youngsters. These little blank-slate minds were subjected to dogmatic instruction in everything from eating, clothing and hygiene practices, to beliefs about virtue, sin and the existence of God."
The children will continue in public school and will be reared in the Huxley-Freud Group Home, where they will receive intensive post-traumatic stress counseling and instruction from government-approved text books.
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McDonald's To Launch Restaurants for Protestors
2002-08-23 -- Following yet another lawsuit, McDonald's Corporation announced today it intends to launch restaurants specifically for protestors.
"We looked at the demographics and it just made sense," according the news release. "Protestors are everywhere and they're very vocal about what they like and what they don't. In essence, they're the ultimate target market. If our regular customers stood in the streets shouting about their personal preferences, we'd be out there with tape recorders. These protestors have really opened our eyes to opportunity.
The new restaurants will not serve piping hot coffee, nor anything with fat, nor products containing monosodium glutamate (MSG), nor anything that might have come from a mad cow, nor the new McAfrika sandwich.
No food or beverage containers will be made from Styrofoam, nor paper, nor plastic. Employees will earn $45,000-$75,000 per year with a 20 hour work week, full medical, dental, psychiatric and drug rehab care. Women will earn more than men, racial minorities more than Caucasians, homosexuals more than heterosexuals, prisoners on work release more than Boy Scouts, and handicapped people more than the apparently able-bodied.
McDonald's will also not allow smoking, nor fur-wearing, nor weapons of any kind. There will be no drive-up window to discourage the burning of fossil fuels, and the restaurants will actually be simple tent-like structures erected on lands free of endangered species, toxic waste and Native American burial grounds.
The news release did not divulge what the restaurants would serve, but suggested that focus groups are looking at several potential names, including: McTolerance, McTouchy-McFeely and McVictim. About 110 percent of every sale will go to the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, the Sierra Club, Greenpeace, the National Organization for Women, the National Gay and Lesbian Task force and "anyone else who wants some."
(2002-09-08) -- A Minnesota couple has been jailed on suspicion of imposing their own views on their young children. A public school teacher first alerted the division of family services (DFS) which immediately took three children out of the home pending an investigation. The arrest was made as the family left a Sunday morning worship service.
"We found in this home evidence of the worst sort of bigotry," said a spokeswoman for DFS. "Not only were these children receiving explicit instruction in the religion of their parents, to the exclusion of all others, but the parents also imposed a whole range of their own provincial ideas upon the youngsters. These little blank-slate minds were subjected to dogmatic instruction in everything from eating, clothing and hygiene practices, to beliefs about virtue, sin and the existence of God."
The children will continue in public school and will be reared in the Huxley-Freud Group Home, where they will receive intensive post-traumatic stress counseling and instruction from government-approved text books.
~~~~~~~
McDonald's To Launch Restaurants for Protestors
2002-08-23 -- Following yet another lawsuit, McDonald's Corporation announced today it intends to launch restaurants specifically for protestors.
"We looked at the demographics and it just made sense," according the news release. "Protestors are everywhere and they're very vocal about what they like and what they don't. In essence, they're the ultimate target market. If our regular customers stood in the streets shouting about their personal preferences, we'd be out there with tape recorders. These protestors have really opened our eyes to opportunity.
The new restaurants will not serve piping hot coffee, nor anything with fat, nor products containing monosodium glutamate (MSG), nor anything that might have come from a mad cow, nor the new McAfrika sandwich.
No food or beverage containers will be made from Styrofoam, nor paper, nor plastic. Employees will earn $45,000-$75,000 per year with a 20 hour work week, full medical, dental, psychiatric and drug rehab care. Women will earn more than men, racial minorities more than Caucasians, homosexuals more than heterosexuals, prisoners on work release more than Boy Scouts, and handicapped people more than the apparently able-bodied.
McDonald's will also not allow smoking, nor fur-wearing, nor weapons of any kind. There will be no drive-up window to discourage the burning of fossil fuels, and the restaurants will actually be simple tent-like structures erected on lands free of endangered species, toxic waste and Native American burial grounds.
The news release did not divulge what the restaurants would serve, but suggested that focus groups are looking at several potential names, including: McTolerance, McTouchy-McFeely and McVictim. About 110 percent of every sale will go to the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, the Sierra Club, Greenpeace, the National Organization for Women, the National Gay and Lesbian Task force and "anyone else who wants some."