...unless you grew up in Lincoln, NE. I, obviously, laughed my arse off! (Grew up in Gaslight and Havelock, by the way 
)
Finally, the new line of Lincoln, NE Barbies are here!
Williamsburg Barbie -- This princess Barbie is only sold at South Point Von Maur. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a cookie cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face-lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with "augmented" version.
North Lincoln Barbie -- This modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar Minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full time occupation, but she can be seen trolling around the schoolyards waiting for Skipper. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.
Belmont Barbie -- This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and can only be paid for in cash-preferably small, untraceable bills. Unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.
Firethorn Barbie -- This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.
Havelock Barbie -- This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six pack of Coors light and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when he's drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.
Piedmont Barbie -- This collagen injected, rhino plastic Barbie wears undergarments from Victoria's Secret and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends at Libations. Percocet prescription available.
Gaslight Village Barbie -- This tobacco chewing, brassy haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer-Gutted Ken out of Havelock Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see through halter-top. Also available with a mobile home.
Haymarket Barbie -- This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her "Willow." She does not want or need a Ken doll, but you if purchase two Haymarket Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag sticker for free.
Willow Wood Barbie -- This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his '79 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.
Rural South Lincoln Barbie -- She's perfect in every way. We don't know who Ken is cause he's always hunting.
West O Barrio Barbie -- This Spanish Speaking only Barbie comes with a 1984 Toyota with expired temporary plates and three baby Barbies in the back seat, but no car seats. The optional Ken doll comes with a Meat Packers uniform and is missing three fingers on his left hand. Green Cards are not available for Barbie or Ken
)Finally, the new line of Lincoln, NE Barbies are here!
Williamsburg Barbie -- This princess Barbie is only sold at South Point Von Maur. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a cookie cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face-lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with "augmented" version.
North Lincoln Barbie -- This modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar Minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full time occupation, but she can be seen trolling around the schoolyards waiting for Skipper. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.
Belmont Barbie -- This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and can only be paid for in cash-preferably small, untraceable bills. Unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.
Firethorn Barbie -- This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.
Havelock Barbie -- This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six pack of Coors light and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when he's drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.
Piedmont Barbie -- This collagen injected, rhino plastic Barbie wears undergarments from Victoria's Secret and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends at Libations. Percocet prescription available.
Gaslight Village Barbie -- This tobacco chewing, brassy haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer-Gutted Ken out of Havelock Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see through halter-top. Also available with a mobile home.
Haymarket Barbie -- This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her "Willow." She does not want or need a Ken doll, but you if purchase two Haymarket Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag sticker for free.
Willow Wood Barbie -- This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his '79 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.
Rural South Lincoln Barbie -- She's perfect in every way. We don't know who Ken is cause he's always hunting.
West O Barrio Barbie -- This Spanish Speaking only Barbie comes with a 1984 Toyota with expired temporary plates and three baby Barbies in the back seat, but no car seats. The optional Ken doll comes with a Meat Packers uniform and is missing three fingers on his left hand. Green Cards are not available for Barbie or Ken
