Your 2013 record: 3-13. As with the Browns, you can simply list everything the Skins did last year and have the list serve as its own form of ridicule. Let's begin:
- They brought their prize QB back from a catastrophic knee injury too early, mostly because Adidas wanted him to start in Week 1.
- The team got crushed in its first game against Philly because apparently no one on the coaching staff knew that Chip Kelly liked running plays quickly.
- They let the hobbled quarterback get killed for 13 weeks—destroying their relationship with him in the process—before finally benching him.
- The offensive coordinator and QB openly hated each other.
- Head coach and future wallet Mike Shanahan had his kid clumsily (and anonymously) leak to ESPN that he actually wanted to quit a year earlier because the owner and QB had become too chummy. I dare you to find a more obvious leak. There are blind items about John Travolta that are harder to solve.
- The team taped its windows shut so that reporters couldn't see inside the day of Shanahan's firing.
- The refs took a first down away from them because everyone ####ing hates the Skins.
- This lady got whitewashed with a hot dog.
- At all times, the stadium turf looked like 80 consecutive Phish concerts had been played on top of it.
- Fred Davis got a DUI.
- Owner Dan Snyder had a park ranger fired, and somehow that's the least grotesque thing he did. He was also caught giving out apples for holiday bonuses.
