Have you ever wondered why men behave the way they do? Silly question. Of course, you have.
In his "Dear Women" letter, humor columnist Streeter Seidell aimed to clear up some baffling male phenomena, like why men don't seem the least bit thrilled by cute babies (because they aren't their babies) or why they're perpetually horny (their horniness is the equivalent of the female period; it's nature-induced so they can reproduce). All enlightening revelations.
So when Seidell issued a call to women asking for any insights into the female brain, I felt compelled to write back. It's only fair. To all the guys out there, I hope this letter is helpful.
For example, after a date, you say, "I had a great time tonight." Our thoughts: "Did he really? Was that a slight inflection in his tone? Did I sense apathy? Should I suggest a second date? Maybe he will. Maybe he'll just call tomorrow. Maybe he won't call at all. Maybe I'll never see him again. What does "I had a great time" really mean? Does it mean he was actually bored the whole time? Did he enjoy himself? What is it with the mind games?!"
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In his "Dear Women" letter, humor columnist Streeter Seidell aimed to clear up some baffling male phenomena, like why men don't seem the least bit thrilled by cute babies (because they aren't their babies) or why they're perpetually horny (their horniness is the equivalent of the female period; it's nature-induced so they can reproduce). All enlightening revelations.
So when Seidell issued a call to women asking for any insights into the female brain, I felt compelled to write back. It's only fair. To all the guys out there, I hope this letter is helpful.
1. Sometimes we cry for no reason
2. On the same note, we also like to vent
3. Spiders tend to freak us out
4. Speaking of irrational fears, we'd rather not make the first move
5. We love it when you call us...
6. If you're not that into us, let us know
7. Grand gestures aren't really necessary
8. We don't define a relationship by the size of a ring
9. We love babies, but that doesn't mean we want to rush into things
10. We aren't comparing you to that guy we dated
11. We tend to over-analyze
OK, we always over-analyze.For example, after a date, you say, "I had a great time tonight." Our thoughts: "Did he really? Was that a slight inflection in his tone? Did I sense apathy? Should I suggest a second date? Maybe he will. Maybe he'll just call tomorrow. Maybe he won't call at all. Maybe I'll never see him again. What does "I had a great time" really mean? Does it mean he was actually bored the whole time? Did he enjoy himself? What is it with the mind games?!"
12. If possible, we would appreciate it if you got even more direct with us
An "I had a great time tonight" followed by an "If you're free, I would love to get together again next Thursday" would basically be a minor miracle for us.13. We really appreciate chivalry
Opening doors, walking street-side, etc. In fact, we think it's really hot. But we live in a feminist world, and that's cool, too. We can take care of ourselves. We don't need you to lift a box of pillows or pick up every tab.14. But still, we want to feel feminine, beautiful and safe
15. We hold you in high regard
16. But we can still tie our shoes and do any number of other complex, Herculean things
16 Things Men Are Required, By Law, To Know About Women
Allow me to provide some insight into the female brain.
(their loss! Go be grumpy by yourself, dude!) 
