StmarysCity79
Well-Known Member
• “Can we just acknowledge how refreshing it is to see a President of the United States at an event that doesn’t begin with a bailiff saying, ‘All rise’? And I would like to point out: It’s after 10 p.m.; Sleepy Joe is still awake, while Donald Trump has spent the past week falling asleep in court every morning — though Fox News said he was just being ‘anti-woke.’”
“I love being in Washington. The last time I was in D.C., I left my cocaine at the White House. Luckily, the president was able to put it to good use for his State of the Union. I’m kidding, of course. The president doesn’t call it ‘cocaine,’ he calls it ‘high-speed rail.’”
“Lara Trump is here tonight. She recently released a cover of the song ‘I Won’t Back Down.’ Upon hearing it, Tom Petty died again. I can’t believe I’m saying this to a member of the Trump family, but maybe stick to politics?”
“There’s an election six extremely long months from now. So let me see if I can summarize where this race stands at this moment: The Republican candidate for president owes half a billion in fines for bank fraud, and is currently spending his days farting himself awake during a porn star hush money trial, and the race is tied?! The race is tied! Nothing makes sense anymore! The candidate who was a famous New York City playboy took abortion rights away, and the guy who’s trying to give you your abortion rights back is an 80-year-old Catholic.”
• “Wordle is here tonight. Sorry, sorry, I meant the New York Times. I forgot they do stuff in addition to puzzles. I have to say: It’s not a great sign when the only thing keeping a print media company alive are games people play on their phones. Too chilling for you guys? This room just froze faster than Mitch McConnell.”
“I love being in Washington. The last time I was in D.C., I left my cocaine at the White House. Luckily, the president was able to put it to good use for his State of the Union. I’m kidding, of course. The president doesn’t call it ‘cocaine,’ he calls it ‘high-speed rail.’”
“Lara Trump is here tonight. She recently released a cover of the song ‘I Won’t Back Down.’ Upon hearing it, Tom Petty died again. I can’t believe I’m saying this to a member of the Trump family, but maybe stick to politics?”
“There’s an election six extremely long months from now. So let me see if I can summarize where this race stands at this moment: The Republican candidate for president owes half a billion in fines for bank fraud, and is currently spending his days farting himself awake during a porn star hush money trial, and the race is tied?! The race is tied! Nothing makes sense anymore! The candidate who was a famous New York City playboy took abortion rights away, and the guy who’s trying to give you your abortion rights back is an 80-year-old Catholic.”
• “Wordle is here tonight. Sorry, sorry, I meant the New York Times. I forgot they do stuff in addition to puzzles. I have to say: It’s not a great sign when the only thing keeping a print media company alive are games people play on their phones. Too chilling for you guys? This room just froze faster than Mitch McConnell.”
