Letter to editor

[kwillia]

That is one way to look at it I suppose. However, her sister lives in a assisted care facility in South Carolina, she is very active, has friends who she goes on outings with and is still sharp as a tack. If my ex was trained, or perhaps took some training to help with memory and motor skills, it may have worked out very well. You had to know the kind of person his Mother was. Very vital woman, strong, independent, witty as hell and just plain fun. Since she has lived with my ex, she has been going down pretty quickly, due to lack of inactivity, both mental and physical. As I mentioned, his father passed away about a year ago and he has not told his mother. She asks where he is and my ex says he is in the hospital. This poor woman has no idea that the man she has been married to for over 52 years, is dead. I don't think this is the best situation for her.

Please don't compare her to her sister. Dementia is personal, different minds deteriorate differently. Also, grief has a huge play in the rate of aging both mentally and physically. Her sister is not grieving the loss of your MIL's husband and living in a world without him. Don't be fooled into thinking just because no one told her he died that she doesn't suspect him and grieve him just the same. What she does know is that he is no longer with her.

I'm not judging your perspective on how you think things could or should be. I just want you to try to look at it from a different perspective. And lastly, no matter how much you love her or how long you've known her, it is his mother and not your mother. You will NEVER feel the enormity of emotion and sense of responsibility that he is dealing with and can never expect to.

The aging and dying processes are just not cookie cutter and don't all have the same answers on how best to deal with them.

 

[luvmygdaughters]

Please don't compare her to her sister. Dementia is personal, different minds deteriorate differently. Also, grief has a huge play in the rate of aging both mentally and physically. Her sister is not grieving the loss of your MIL's husband and living in a world without him. Don't be fooled into thinking just because no one told her he died that she doesn't suspect him and grieve him just the same. What she does know is that he is no longer with her.

I'm not judging your perspective on how you think things could or should be. I just want you to try to look at it from a different perspective. And lastly, no matter how much you love her or how long you've known her, it is his mother and not your mother. You will NEVER feel the enormity of emotion and sense of responsibility that he is dealing with and can never expect to.

The aging and dying processes are just not cookie cutter and don't all have the same answers on how best to deal with them.

I understand, no sense of judging at all. I do know about the loss of a parent and caring for the other. My mother died unexpectedly after complications during a bypass at WHC, my father two years later. As hard as it was losing our mother, watching my father live without her was terrible.

 

[mitzi]

What used to happen is a couple of things:

People were allowed to die with dignity instead of living well past their expiration date because of medication and body replacements.
Elderly folks either lived with a relative or had a relative live with them.

I feel for Diane's situation - she may not be in a position to care for her mother for whatever reason, but it used to be the family's responsibility to care for their elderly, not the government's.

HOWEVER:

If we can funnel x-billion$$ to terrorists, and pay for some bebe mamas clean needles so she doesn't get the HIV when she shoots up her drugs, and give welfare benefits to illegal immigrants, we can certainly do something for our seniors.

Don't forget the free methadone to the addicts.

 

[GeorgiaCorgi]

Well, I don't really think care of our seniors is going to be real high on the list of priorities when we're talking about our entire government needs to be reworked. I'm still going with hire a nurse and bring mama home. However, I will add, make sure you have camera's all over the house, and you drop in from time to time during work hours. I view this the same way as public school. If you want anything done right, you have to do it yourself.

Maybe, just maybe, some day down the road, the situation with the elderly will improve, because our government has maybe sorta' kinda' gotten it's act together.

We'll see.

Often caring for people with dementia is a full time job. Just sticking them in a bed in front of a TV and checking in on them a couple of times a day may not cut it. When I was young my great grandmother snuck out of the house in the middle of the night, stole a car, and drove several states away trying to get back to MA, where she thought she lived.

 

[vince77]

Well, I don't really think care of our seniors is going to be real high on the list of priorities when we're talking about our entire government needs to be reworked. I'm still going with hire a nurse and bring mama home. However, I will add, make sure you have camera's all over the house, and you drop in from time to time during work hours. I view this the same way as public school. If you want anything done right, you have to do it yourself.

Maybe, just maybe, some day down the road, the situation with the elderly will improve, because our government has maybe sorta' kinda' gotten it's act together.

We'll see.

This was 2010, I'm sure prices have gone up at least 25%. I wrote checks for about 7K a month for 3 years when my mom was in a nursing home.

Some average costs for long-term care in the United States (in 2010) were:


*****************************************
$205 per day or $6,235 per month for a semi-private room in a nursing home
$229 per day or $6,965 per month for a private room in a nursing home
$3,293 per month for care in an assisted living facility (for a one-bedroom unit)
$21 per hour for a home health aide
$19 per hour for homemaker services
$67 per day for services in an adult day health care center

http://longtermcare.gov/costs-how-to-pay/costs-of-care/

 

[RareBreed]

Often caring for people with dementia is a full time job. Just sticking them in a bed in front of a TV and checking in on them a couple of times a day may not cut it. When I was young my great grandmother snuck out of the house in the middle of the night, stole a car, and drove several states away trying to get back to MA, where she thought she lived.

My grandmother would strip off all her clothes and sit outside with a Halloween mask on... in Florida! It was heartbreaking to see her decline.

 

[BernieP]

The potshots from the cheap seats are pretty disgusting.

It's easy to do when you aren't the one in that situation. What "situation" is that? Well no two are alike, neither from the patients needs to the resources the family has available.
The other factor is, what does the patient want to do? In most cases they have the biggest say in their care.

 

[kwillia]

The other factor is, what does the patient want to do? In most cases they have the biggest say in their care.

In theory it should be up to the patient but in reality money can dictate the endgame regardless of what the patient and/or family wants.

 

[Toxick]

If we can funnel x-billion$$ to terrorists, and pay for some bebe mamas clean needles so she doesn't get the HIV when she shoots up her drugs, and give welfare benefits to illegal immigrants, we can certainly do something for our seniors.

The groups you mentioned are potential votes for years to come for those who promise to keep giving them goodies forever and ever - so they are, therefore, a sound investment. Except for the terrorists. They get money because they keep the voters terrified, and so they will vote for whomever promises more convincingly to get rid of them. So they're a sound investment too.


How many more votes can they possibly squeeze out of some senile old battle axe? One? Tops? What possible benefit would the government yield by making sure the old and dying have a warm place to sleep with their medicine bottles full?

 

[Chris0nllyn]

And I will also say that Mom should have better prepared for her elder years and this would not be a problem.

This is something society will have to deal with considering the shockingly low percentage of the population that has any money saved for retirement and beyond.

 

[Chris0nllyn]

How many more votes can they possibly squeeze out of some senile old battle axe?

Depends how many time they vote after death.

 

[kwillia]

Depends how many time they vote after death.

Well, with Trump promising to crack down on illegal dead voters the next rally on the DC Mall could be a scene right out of The Living Dead!

 

[luvmygdaughters]

This is something society will have to deal with considering the shockingly low percentage of the population that has any money saved for retirement and beyond.

Honestly, with the price of prescriptions, hospital stays, medical equipment etc. I don't know if you ever have enough saved for retirement. God forbid something unexpected happens, your savings could be wiped out in no time. I really think these pharmaceutical companies should be investigated. My husband was on a medication after his bypass, the cost for 10 pills...$1,500.00, and of course they had no generic for it. His company had just switched insurance plans and the new one, under the AACA, had a deductible of $ 2,500.00. Needless to say, we couldn't get the prescription. Luckily, when we explained this to his cardiologist, he gave us samples of the drug for my husband to take until the new insurance kicked in. The cost of medicine is outrageous and why when you stay at a hospital, they charge you $ 12.00 for a Tylenol tablet? I can buy 500 Tylenol tablets for $ 7.00. The whole medical industry needs to be investigated, from the pharmaceuticals to the hospitals.

 

[Toxick]

Depends how many time they vote after death.