Male bashing jokes

B

bresamil

wandering aimlessly
And these were sent to me by a MALE coworker!

Sorry if its a repeat

Thought you would all like this one..............

Q. What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in pain on the ground?

A. Shoot him again.



Q. How can you tell when a man is well-hung?

A. When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.



Q. Why do little boys whine?

A. Because they're practicing to be men.



Q. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A. One - he just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him. OR Three - one to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.



Q What do you call a handcuffed man?

A. Trustworthy.



Q. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?

A. You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.



Q. Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg?

A. Because not one will stop and ask directions.



Q. Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?

A. To stop the snoring before it starts.



Q: Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?

A: Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.



Q: What is the difference between men and women?

A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.



Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?

A: Rename the mail folder: "Instruction Manuals"
 
citysherry

citysherry

I Need a Beer
This is for all you girls 30 years and over ... and for those who are turning 30, and for those who are scared of moving into their 30's ... AND for guys who are scared of girls over 30!!!

By Andy Rooney from CBS 60 Minutes. Andy Rooney says:

As I grow in age, I value women who are over 30 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:
A woman over 30 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think. If a woman over 30 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it's usually something more interesting.

A woman over 30 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 30 give a damn what you might think about her or what she's doing.

Women over 30 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated. A woman over 30 has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn't trust the guy with other women. Women over 30 couldn't care less if you're attracted to her friends because she knows her friends won't betray her.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 30. They always know.

A woman over 30 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women. Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 30 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk if you are acting like one! You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her. Yes, we praise women over 30 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of 30+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress. Ladies, I apologize For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free". Here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage, why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig, just to get a little sausage!
 
D

dems4me

Guest
citysherry said:
This is for all you girls 30 years and over ... and for those who are turning 30, and for those who are scared of moving into their 30's ... AND for guys who are scared of girls over 30!!!

By Andy Rooney from CBS 60 Minutes. Andy Rooney says:

As I grow in age, I value women who are over 30 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:
A woman over 30 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think. If a woman over 30 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it's usually something more interesting.

A woman over 30 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 30 give a damn what you might think about her or what she's doing.

Women over 30 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated. A woman over 30 has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn't trust the guy with other women. Women over 30 couldn't care less if you're attracted to her friends because she knows her friends won't betray her.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 30. They always know.

A woman over 30 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women. Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 30 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk if you are acting like one! You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her. Yes, we praise women over 30 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of 30+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress. Ladies, I apologize For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free". Here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage, why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig, just to get a little sausage!
Click to expand...


:clap: :clap: :clap: :yay: :lmao:
 
D

DDoyle

New Member
another one

What's the fastest way to a mans heart?

Through his chest with a sharp knife

What makes men chase women the have no intention of marrying?

The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

Breasts don't have eyes
 
K

Kizzy

Guest
citysherry said:
Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage, why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig, just to get a little sausage!
Click to expand...

:killingme OMG that is TFF
 
RoseRed

RoseRed

American Beauty
PREMO Member
citysherry said:
This is for all you girls 30 years and over ... and for those who are turning 30, and for those who are scared of moving into their 30's ... AND for guys who are scared of girls over 30!!!

By Andy Rooney from CBS 60 Minutes. Andy Rooney says:

As I grow in age, I value women who are over 30 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:
A woman over 30 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think. If a woman over 30 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it's usually something more interesting.

A woman over 30 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 30 give a damn what you might think about her or what she's doing.

Women over 30 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated. A woman over 30 has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn't trust the guy with other women. Women over 30 couldn't care less if you're attracted to her friends because she knows her friends won't betray her.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 30. They always know.

A woman over 30 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women. Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 30 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk if you are acting like one! You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her. Yes, we praise women over 30 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of 30+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress. Ladies, I apologize For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free". Here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage, why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig, just to get a little sausage!
Click to expand...
:lmao: :lol: :lmao: :lol: :lmao:
 
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