Potty Training a Stubborn Child

K

KWAK

New Member
I posted this as a reply to the other potty training thread, but wanted to pose it as it's own thread. . .

My daughter just turned 3 in March and flat out REFUSES to potty train. I actually have been working from home this week to take the time I don't normally have the luxury of having to spend with her to use the potty. She is aware that she needs to go -and if she's wearing panties will request a diaper that she would promptly remove when she was finished. I started on Saturday by telling her that we didn't have any diapers and that I didn't haveany money to buy her any so she would just have to use the potty.

She was okay with that - but never once used the potty. She stayed dry during the night, but then woke up and peed on my couch because she refused to sit on the potty. Monday night we had a small break through - in that she started to sit on the potty - at one point she started to pee on the floor and I lifted her up on the potty so she could finish. She was very upset, but I stressed that that was what was supposed to happen and gave her a sticker and lollipop for her effort.

Tuesday morning she sat on the potty for 2 hours (she actually had a red ring around her butt from sitting so long - and it was't forced by me - she just really had to go!) then stood up and peed on the floor.

I've tried everything I can think of - food coloring so she could watch it change colors, rewards, even taking things from her and making her change herself and clean up her own messes. And she has every kind of toilet known to man. I've asked her why she won't go and she says it's scary! Yet, she plays with her dolls, takes them potty, wipes their butts and flushes the toilet!

One of my bigger concerns with her is that she's holding it for so long - sometimes for 12 - 14 hours at a time! When she goes to daycare, they encourage her to wear panties, and she will, but she won't pee all day long!

So, potty training experts, what do you suggest in this situation?
 
M

mcoop

New Member
Doesn't sound like she's ready yet. I tried everything with my son and nothing worked. Finally a few months before he turned 4 he decided he was ready. If they aren't ready I don't think there's much you can do but wait. Good luck!
 
StrawberryGal

StrawberryGal

Sweet and Innocent
HalfAngel said:
I posted this as a reply to the other potty training thread, but wanted to pose it as it's own thread. . .

My daughter just turned 3 in March and flat out REFUSES to potty train. I actually have been working from home this week to take the time I don't normally have the luxury of having to spend with her to use the potty. She is aware that she needs to go -and if she's wearing panties will request a diaper that she would promptly remove when she was finished. I started on Saturday by telling her that we didn't have any diapers and that I didn't haveany money to buy her any so she would just have to use the potty.

She was okay with that - but never once used the potty. She stayed dry during the night, but then woke up and peed on my couch because she refused to sit on the potty. Monday night we had a small break through - in that she started to sit on the potty - at one point she started to pee on the floor and I lifted her up on the potty so she could finish. She was very upset, but I stressed that that was what was supposed to happen and gave her a sticker and lollipop for her effort.

Tuesday morning she sat on the potty for 2 hours (she actually had a red ring around her butt from sitting so long - and it was't forced by me - she just really had to go!) then stood up and peed on the floor.

I've tried everything I can think of - food coloring so she could watch it change colors, rewards, even taking things from her and making her change herself and clean up her own messes. And she has every kind of toilet known to man. I've asked her why she won't go and she says it's scary! Yet, she plays with her dolls, takes them potty, wipes their butts and flushes the toilet!

One of my bigger concerns with her is that she's holding it for so long - sometimes for 12 - 14 hours at a time! When she goes to daycare, they encourage her to wear panties, and she will, but she won't pee all day long!

So, potty training experts, what do you suggest in this situation?
Click to expand...

I'm sorry to hear about your "frustration" hardship.

Here are some ideas that I gave out to my friends and it worked:

1. Use a pennies to reward to put in jars and when the jar is full, she can go buy new toy. Two pennies for pee, and five pennies for poop. Let her count the pennies when it is full, so she could go to store knowing how much she can purchase a toy she wanted.

2. Sticker Reward Chart. Put one star/smilie for pee and two stars/smilies for poop. When her chart is full, she can go out for an ice cream treat or go to movie theater to watch a movie she really want to watch.

The main idea is make her work hard for reward she wants so bad and know that she can't get it if she doesn't learn how to use the potty.

Good Luck! :huggy:
 
Nanny Pam

Nanny Pam

************
I saw your post.

If this were my child, the child would have their favorite toys taken from them until they used the potty. And don't give in...no matter how much they throw a fit. Remember, you're the parent.

Your daughter is obviously very smart. She can talk, right? Does she understand the word, "no." If she has the ability to 'reason' then she is able to use the potty. You just have to make her understand that if she wants her dolls back...(or whatever) she has to use the potty, just like the dolls do.

I know alot of people would frown on how I do it but it works for me! When they use the potty (PP) they get 2 M&M's. If they poop, they get 4 M&M's.

I tried the stickers on the calendar thing, but this really works. Then after they are trained for about 3 months, offer something else.....like a new hot wheels every week. Soon....they forget all about the reward and just use the potty. Honestly...it works for me, every time. :shrug: I've helped train lots of kids, plus my own.
 
J

Jen

New Member
I think you should give up for now. She'll do it when she's ready. She is obviously not. You don't want to traumatize her. If she is holding it all the time and for long periods of time like that, she may be doing damage to her liver and/or bladder. It sounds like she understands the process but isn't sure about it yet. Just stop mentioning it and I bet in the next few weeks you'll walk in the bathroom and she'll be going potty all by herself. JMO
 
Nanny Pam

Nanny Pam

************
Nanny Pam said:
I saw your post.

If this were my child, the child would have their favorite toys taken from them until they used the potty. And don't give in...no matter how much they throw a fit. Remember, you're the parent.

Your daughter is obviously very smart. She can talk, right? Does she understand the word, "no." If she has the ability to 'reason' then she is able to use the potty. You just have to make her understand that if she wants her dolls back...(or whatever) she has to use the potty, just like the dolls do.

I know alot of people would frown on how I do it but it works for me! When they use the potty (PP) they get 2 M&M's. If they poop, they get 4 M&M's.

I tried the stickers on the calendar thing, but this really works. Then after they are trained for about 3 months, offer something else.....like a new hot wheels every week. Soon....they forget all about the reward and just use the potty. Honestly...it works for me, every time. :shrug: I've helped train lots of kids, plus my own.
Click to expand...


and the M&M's are very visable...right on the counter top. In a cute M&M jar.
 
Callie girl

Callie girl

New Member
Try the plastic pants that go over the training underwear. Worked on my second one that was afraid of the potty, but he hated wearing plastic more. :lol: I also gave them treats and would sit in the bathroom and read stories to them to get their mind off of it. Make a huge deal out of it when they do go. The first thing you should do in the morning since you said she doesn't go all night is put her straight on the potty, most kids can't hold it long in the morning or at least mine can't.
 
Island_Chick

Island_Chick

Mommy of 2
I am having the same problem with my little girl she just turned 3 2 weeks ago. One day she will do good, then the next she refuses to go near the potty.
 
beerlover

beerlover

New Member
Just wait a little longer and she'll get with the program. Don't force the issue. It's not like she's 6 or something....
 
terbear1225

terbear1225

Well-Known Member
we have a stubborn one too. she was doing great for a while. now the novelty has worn off and she desn't want to leave what she's doing to use the potty. she had even stopped using the potty seat on her own, and just sits on the regular toilet seat.
 
Cowgirl

Cowgirl

Well-Known Member
terbear1225 said:
we have a stubborn one too. she was doing great for a while. now the novelty has worn off and she desn't want to leave what she's doing to use the potty. she had even stopped using the potty seat on her own, and just sits on the regular toilet seat.
Click to expand...

Try the potty timer idea. Just set a timer (we use the microwave one, but I'd like to get an egg timer or something). Set it for every half hour or hour, and when the timer goes off, she has to try. We've found that girlie would much rather go for the timer than we just remind her ourselves. In fact, the other night I had something in the microwave, and when it went off, she said, "Potty time!" :lmao:
 
K

KWAK

New Member
She is a pretty smart kid - communicates very well, and yes she does understand the word no (although she sometimes chooses to have selective memory on that last one). I was torn with the taking of privleges (her favorite cartoons) and toys because I was given grief that I was punishing her for having a fear of something. So I did take some things, and wound up giving them back to her. . . bad mommy! But she did understand at the time that if she went on the floor I was taking X toy, and when she went on the floor, she actually went to get the toy to give to me to take from her. (I didn't give in immediately either - the toy was gone for a few hours before I gave it back)

I have a sticker/calendar reward chart but she doesn't really care much about it. I've even resorted to giving myself a sticker when I pee, so she sees it - and she does get very upset when I have one and tell her that she can't have one. I don't give in to that. I even got her a toy she really really wants and set it high on the counter and told her she could have it if she uses the potty - instead she praises me when I go, telling me that now I can have it!

I've even tried pulling the tape on the diapers so tight that they are uncomfortable for her to wear - telling her that she's getting too big for diapers! The plastic pants don't work because she changes hreself after she pees! Now when I put a diaper on her, this is bad, I put masking tape around her waist so that she's forced to feel uncomfortable in the wet diaper (for about 10 minutes) and can't take it off!

About a year ago it used to be that if she was bare bottom, she would use the potty if she had to go - but that was short lived.

She has almost every potty ever made! She prefers to sit on the big potty though, even though she has a potty chair sitting directly across from it. I even have the small toilet seats that fit over top the big potty!
 
terbear1225

terbear1225

Well-Known Member
Cowgirl said:
Try the potty timer idea. Just set a timer (we use the microwave one, but I'd like to get an egg timer or something). Set it for every half hour or hour, and when the timer goes off, she has to try. We've found that girlie would much rather go for the timer than we just remind her ourselves. In fact, the other night I had something in the microwave, and when it went off, she said, "Potty time!" :lmao:
Click to expand...

good idea, she does respond well to patterns.
 
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