The Discipline Debate...

[sleuth]

Originally posted by CMC122
:

My old neighbors didn't discipline they told him about his innappropriate behavior constantly The kid had no boundaries and is the only child I have ever truly thought of as a heathen.

I made the mistake one time of fighting with my sister in the backseat of the car. Dad got pizzed and said "Don't make me come back there!"

I retorted with what I thought was a pretty smart thing to say: "Just don't forget to stop the car first."

Learned pretty quick I wasn't so smart after all.

 

[CMC122]

Originally posted by sleuth14
I made the mistake one time of fighting with my sister in the backseat of the car. Dad got pizzed and said "Don't make me come back there!"

I retorted with what I thought was a pretty smart thing to say: "Just don't forget to stop the car first."

Learned pretty quick I wasn't so smart after all.

Well aren't you lucky to be alive to tell that story

 

[BuddyLee]

Originally posted by Ehesef
Meanwhile the kid getting hit has a concussion. If we did it once, we were told not to do it again. If we did it again, we got spanked. I think I only got spanked 3 maybe 4 times in my life. I learned real quick what was considered unacceptable behavior. I plan to spank in moderation when I have kids. I see too many kids throwing fits in the grocery store. I'll do like my mom did, lean down and say "Do we need to go to the bathroom?" We went to the bathroom once and I never had the desire to go with her again (man did she whoop me), so from then on out, that's all she had to say to get me to behave.

Im glad you brought up the grocery store. You are all biased! Once you've worked in a grocery store and have heard 10 kids crying at the top of they're lungs right in your ear every single day you will wish that you or ATLEAST THEIR PARENTS would smack the hell out of them.

 

[ememdee19]

Originally posted by Ehesef
I'll do like my mom did, lean down and say "Do we need to go to the bathroom?" We went to the bathroom once and I never had the desire to go with her again (man did she whoop me), so from then on out, that's all she had to say to get me to behave.

Or how bout when momma does the brake check and gives you whiplash? "You don't want me to stop this car, do you?" Next thing you know, our heads are hitting the windshields!

 

[CMC122]

Originally posted by ememdee19
Or how bout when momma does the brake check and gives you whiplash? "You don't want me to stop this car, do you?" Next thing you know, our heads are hitting the windshields!

Ahhhh those were the god ol' days

 

[Ken King]

Spanking is fine, beating a definite no-no. But everything should be done in phases starting with the least severe. If you can get the job done talking or just saying no, your lucky. Time-outs/grounding work great at times too. Spanking was last resort or for a serious offense.

And as long as it is just spanking you can do it in public, it is allowed by law in Maryland. Social Services can be a headache when busybodies butt into your business and allege abuse for a legal spanking. But would you rather the child continue as they are or do something about it and possibly deal with SS later? I've had no problem telling SS that I was within my right as a parent to correct the child's behavior and explain why I did it on two occasions when someone thought spanking was illegal.

 

[BuddyLee]

Originally posted by migtig
Sitting here and thinking about it, I only remember getting spanked once. After that, the fear of the possibility of a spanking, kept my happy arse walking the straight and narrow. I did get punished for other infractions, such as no tv, no friends over, no extra activities, etc. However, I knew the awesome fear and power of a spanking. I knew that there could be serious reprisals for my actions and I learned it quick and I never forgot it.

So, having no children of my own, and going from my own experiences, I would have to say that spanking children is not child abuse and it can be a very effective parenting tool if used appropriately. I believe if a child never learns that there are serious reprisals for their actions they are doomed as adults. Then we as a generation, are raising a future generation with no fear nor respect of authority. That's a real scary thought. It would also explain why so many teachers are scared of their students. Can you imagine what society will be like when these juveniles reach adulthood? If they are scaring their teachers, I would imagine that they would have no respect of the law so would be less inclined to answer to police. And people are complaining now that our jails are overburdened.

Ha. A touchy-feely society raising a bunch of future hoodlums. Good thing the world is ending in 2012.

Thats basically what I said on the first page.

 

[BuddyLee]

Originally posted by migtig
Finally somebody else who agrees the world is ending in 2012.

Im sorry I just walked right into that one.

 

[timberwolf]

I do believe in spanking if it is necessary. A few years ago when my child started school she came right home within the first few days and said.."My teacher told me that you are not allowed to spank me and if you do to tell her and she will take care of it." I don't think they should be teaching these things to children that young. I would never abuse my child..I think I have spanked her maybe twice, but I must say what she told me that day is always in the back of my head.

 

[BuddyLee]

Originally posted by timberwolf
I do believe in spanking if it is necessary. A few years ago when my child started school she came right home within the first few days and said.."My teacher told me that you are not allowed to spank me and if you do to tell her and she will take care of it." I don't think they should be teaching these things to children that young. I would never abuse my child..I think I have spanked her maybe twice, but I must say what she told me that day is always in the back of my head.

Sounds like that teacher needs a good lil spanking.

 

[timberwolf]

Originally posted by BuddyLee
Sounds like that teacher needs a good lil spanking.

The b/f told her to go to school and tell the teacher that he would spank her too...I'm glad that she didn't...I didn't get any phone calls anyway

 

[Kirsten]

Ok I firmly believe in spanking. Was raised with spankings and groundings and such, pretty much depended on the offense as to what the punishment was. My father used his belt and my mom had a paddle, wooden specifically for spanking(anyone remember these).

I think it was Toxick, mentioned that younger children aren't rational and you usually end up swatting them a little more often than say a 4-5 year old. I agree with that, I have found with my 3 kids that when they are in their 2-3's we are physically reprimanding more than loss of privileges.

That being said, also wanted to affirm the "talking to your child" being a waste of time if you don't truly follow through. My sister's oldest child is a big PITA. Mostly because when he was younger and got into trouble she would spend an hour or more telling him why he was wrong etc etc. NEVER followed through on her threats of punishment. Hence the child learned rather quickly Mom is a blowhard.(Yeah after this post you are thinking the same of me). However his father followed through on every "promise" of punishment, no if's and's or butt's, therefore he doesn't question him at all. Nor does he push me because I made it quite clear when he was young and I was in charge of him who was boss, period.

I think most kids nowadays are brats because too many parents don't discipline, yes they have opted for no physical punishments such as spanking or slapping the hands.However they have not done any follow through either on different forms of punishment; Stand in the Corner with your arms out level, NOT FACING THE TV. Or they take privileges away for a week and after 2 days of the kid whining they cave in. I also think that spankings depends on the child, have a friend whose oldest pretty much never got spanked because time outs were effective. Her youngest is a far different kid and was spanked because he just would be so willful and the time outs didn't phase him, would just go do it again.

Also I think the society has gotten too sensitive to abuse and therefore educate the children very early about it which is good, but they do not educate unbiasedly. Many kids will threaten the parents when they are older with "If you hit me again I will call social services and have you thrown in jail". I never pulled that because I know my father would have said, "Go ahead, I'll dial!"

My kids will act up in public, and yes they can whine but it is short lived because they KNOW if the behaviour continues not only will the NEVER get what they are whining about but they are going to lose a few favorite toys or privileges and/or get a butt warming when we get home. I will not put up with bad behaviour and I do follow through. Right now I am dealing with my normally easy child being a real brat, yesterday when I told him to stop touching something that wasn't his, he looked at me with a scowl and said "No mama you be quiet" needless to say this affrontery is not allowed, he got a spank, and sent to his room until dinner. The oldest is more at the phase where I look at him and do the, "I have told you not to do this haven't I, you know it is wrong right" and normally it is a big ole yes. In that case he will lose computer privileges or tv or both and/or toys for at least 3 days.

 

[huntr1]

I only know of 3 people my age that were never spanked as a child. One took his dad's pristine Mustang (1964 1/2 that he bought brand new) and wrapped it around a telephone pole. They bought him a new car the following weekend. Another was given a brand new BMW 325I when she turned 16. She wrecked it within the first month. Her brother (in about 1991) when he turned 16 was given Dad's mid 80's Vette. This was just after school started in the fall. He totaled it driving stoned before the school year was out. He got a brand new Jeep Wrangler as a reward for his stupidity.

I have no problem with spanking. In moderation. My dad lit my azz on fire tons of times growing up, and I turned out OK. I know he went overboard a number of times, but the way I look at it now is that I now know what NOT to do as a parent.

 

[nomoney]

My mother would just try to traumatize me when ever I acted up The first time I threw a tantrum in the grocery store check out line she left me there
Once when I was throwing a tantrum at home-I got a cup of water in my face
then to top it off....she would take away my things and put them on top of the fridge and make me look at them. She'd do it mostly with my grover doll or my cabbage patch kid Scotty. She'd also make Scotty "fly' if I was being bad. She'd just pick him up and toss him. I know that had to hurt him so bad when he'd hit the floor If I ever got hurt doing something I wasn't supossed to do-she'd scare me to death. Once I hit my head when I was playing under her nice end table and she put a napkin full of ketchup on my head-I thought I was dying
As I got older she would just embarass me out in public as punishment. She would act like she had turets (sp?) syndrome in the grocery store..... just walking along all normal and then all of the sudden "nomoney f-you! you big stupid biatch!" "honk honk" "fatty fatty 2 by 4!" "eat my ice cream biatch" "toot, zinga, neep neep" I was so embarassed!!! If I'd leave her behind she'd come limping up to me...."don't leave me! I wont be bad! dont leave me here again! I dont know hot to get home! that police man was mean!"



I can't wait to screw my kids up!

 

[abreesmom9]

Nomoney I am busting a gut cause your mama sounds just like mine! Same stuff- left me in the store (boy I NEVER threw another tantrum tho-I'll tell you what!)
Really though, my mother raised me alone from the time I was eight, and NEVER laid a hand on me. BUT boy did I FEAR that woman. She had a way of smacking your ass with a purse of the lips! But the fear of my mom grew into an immense amount of respect when I was old enough to really give it some thought.
So, I chose no hitting as well, although I DO believe there are some kids out there that just will not get it, and that's when it comes down to what the PARENTS feel is necessary. But you MUST try everything else first, if you resort to violence first, that is what your kids will learn.
My husband comes from a home where his daddy beat the heck out of him, and let me tell you- he has some serious issues from that! He ABSOLUTELY refuses to hit Abe, but does on the occasion take the belt off and give it a good tap on the hand, and that definately does the trick!

 

[Kirsten]

My dad was quick to temper when we were growing up and MAN did we all get good whippings from him. My mom was very cool and did EVERYTHING else first, but man if you got her mad enough to lose it, you got a firm beating and believe me you didn't cross that line again anytime soon.

I remember one time when I was about 5 when I was being a real terror in the grocery store, my mother warned and such but I just wasn't the type to give in, so she dropped my pants and spanked me right in the aisle, no one said a WORD, in fact I am quite sure many of the other moms were thinking, GOOD for you. (this was also in the mid 70's when discipline was not only accepted but expected) Let me tell you I NEVER acted up again!

Having been raised in that type of household I still believe in spanking but it is spanking not beating, fine line and we usually do a three strike rule. Three warnings and then it is discipline time, spanking, time out, bedroom, loss of privilige really depends on the child and the offense.

Something I talked with my dad about when my first child hit his temper tantrum stage was discipline. My dad's response was "You didn't have to like me growing up, I was not there to be your friend, but you had to respect me enough to do what I said when I said it because if you were playing on the street and I saw a truck coming up the hill that you didn't and I told you to MOVE, if you didn't respect me you weren't going to and you would end up severely injured at best." I think that is where we are going wrong in society as a whole, lets be friends with our children and then the world will be a better place.

 

[meme]

My sister and I were spanked on the hinney when we were younger. We were definitely not beatin or anything like that.

Right before my dad would spank us he would say "THIS IS GOING TO HURT YOU A HELL OF ALOT MORE THEN IT'S GOING TO HURT ME." Once he said that....he didn't even have to touch us, we would automatically start crying.

 

[vraiblonde]

I think spanking should be a last resort. I'm just not a person who wants to hit little kids. I spanked my kids occasionally but I was more likely to stand them in a corner or give them a talking to. And typically the spanking was a stress reaction on my part - they dart across the street and scare me to death, they'd get a spank.

I think it's awful to smack your kid with a belt and leave marks on them.

Nomoney, your Mom story made me

 

[crabcake]

I first try to talk to the Violator about her actions. Sometimes this works, depending on the offense.

When it doesn't, I tell the Violator that she'd better shape up, stop doing what she was doing/did to get in trouble, (usually raising my voice) and remind her that what she sees around her (toys, computer, tv, PS2, fish, etc) will all be gone in the blink of an eye if she doesn't knock off the offending act.

When that fails, it's *smackdown* time, followed by the removal of whatever I have threatened to take away from the Violator.

Call me a biatch of a Mommy, but I have a pretty darn good kid who tells me no less than 50 times a day that she loves me, and I'm the best Mommy in the world.

I also can't remember the last time she got cracked on the hiney-butt.


*smackdown = swat on the butt ... I don't believe in using things like belts, switches, tree limbs, wire hangars, etc. If you can't get through to your kid (when all else has failed) with a swat on the crack, you need to see your pediatrician b/c something else evidently is going on.

 

[Ken King]

I think most would agree that beating a child is not only wrong but illegal, however reasonable corporal punishment is still a parental right, at least in Maryland. Many choose not to employ it at all and that is their right, but my spanking one of my unruly children is mine.

Kristen touched on this a bit above when whe said "this was also in the mid 70's when discipline was not only accepted but expected". It seems that more and more people don’t employ a spanking to discipline their children no matter how obnoxious their “angel” becomes. If out in public they either are afraid that some busybody will report them and do nothing about the behavior or they just don’t mind that others are sharing in the pleasure of this modern family.