This scares the shiat out of me

[vraiblonde]

Originally posted by Tonio
I probably should have, but no. He told me that if I did contact the police, I was a dead man.

Most bullies can be backed down pretty easily. I am fairly petite and was always the littlest kid in my class. NOBODY messed with me. And I've only been actually hit one time in my life.

If you act like a doormat, people will wipe their feet on you - it's that simple.

 

[Tonio]

Originally posted by sleuth14
Just curious Tonio...
Are you normally easily intimidated or do you stand up for yourself when challenged?

I've vacillated between both in my life. Here's one example:

My first semester in college, my roommate and his friends came back from a party while I was still sleeping. I woke up, looked around, and realized that one of his friends was wearing my glasses. I got angry at being pushed around like that, so I grabbed the guy by his shirt and said, "What the hell do you think you're doing?" Then they all started shouting, "Hey, hey, calm down! He was just joking!" I said, "No, he wasn't. He did it to be mean." Then they all rolled their eyes, and one said, "What are you doing in college? You should move back home until you learn about life."

 

[mainman]

Originally posted by Tonio
I've vacillated between both in my life. Here's one example:

My first semester in college, my roommate and his friends came back from a party while I was still sleeping. I woke up, looked around, and realized that one of his friends was wearing my glasses. I got angry at being pushed around like that, so I grabbed the guy by his shirt and said, "What the hell do you think you're doing?" Then they all started shouting, "Hey, hey, calm down! He was just joking!" I said, "No, he wasn't. He did it to be mean." Then they all rolled their eyes, and one said, "What are you doing in college? You should move back home until you learn about life."

Haven't we already had this discussion... or am I having flashbacks...

 

[Tonio]

Originally posted by vraiblonde
Most bullies can be backed down pretty easily. I am fairly petite and was always the littlest kid in my class. NOBODY messed with me. And I've only been actually hit one time in my life.

If you act like a doormat, people will wipe their feet on you - it's that simple.

Good point.

If it helps, I saw the guy's name a couple of years later in the paper as being involved in an armed robbery.

 

[vraiblonde]

Originally posted by mainman
Someone that makes a direct death threat against me will not hear "go to hell"... All negotiation and banter stops with a death threat...

File most of that crap under "all talk". I'll bet if Tonio had rose up righteous and told this guy to eff himself and if he ever comes around again, Tonio would beat his azz for him, that would have been the end of it.

 

[mainman]

Originally posted by vraiblonde
File most of that crap under "all talk". I'll bet if Tonio had rose up righteous and told this guy to eff himself and if he ever comes around again, Tonio would beat his azz for him, that would have been the end of it.

What's "all talk"

 

[vraiblonde]

Originally posted by Tonio
I've vacillated between both in my life.

You should get assertiveness training. I'll bet you'd feel better. Then you could stand up for yourself when it counts and not overreact to harmless teasing.

 

[vraiblonde]

Originally posted by mainman
What's "all talk"

When people make threats like that. Bullies see an easy target and go after it - most wouldn't dare threaten anyone who might take 'em up on it.

 

[Tonio]

Originally posted by vraiblonde
You should get assertiveness training. I'll bet you'd feel better. Then you could stand up for yourself when it counts and not overreact to harmless teasing.

Thanks for the tip. I've mentioned that I stopped talking to my parents for more than year, because of something that my mother did to my wife about the time that our oldest child was born. Without going into detail, there were so many other stresses in that situation that I couldn't focus on the need to tell my mother to knock it off. I still feel guilty about that.

But a few days later, when my mother asked if she could visit, I told her no because of what she had done. My father called us two or three more times trying to get me to change my mind, and each time I ranted at him for more than hour. Standing up for one's self after the fact doesn't seem to do much good, apparently. The spirit of the staircase.

 

[vraiblonde]

Originally posted by Tonio
Thanks for the tip.

I hope you didn't think my comment was patronizing or smartazz - I didn't mean it that way at all. Most people learn assertiveness and personal boundaries growing up, either from their parents, siblings or just by example. But some folks never learned "they don't have to take that" and it goofs them up for later in life when they have to deal outside their comfort zone.

I actually had a counselor work with me on assertiveness when I was a kid - did me a world of good. Teaches you to set your own boundaries of what you will and will not accept and how to react when those boundaries are breached.

 

[Hessian]

gotta sign out a book on young Teddy Roosevelt...take a look at his life from childhood to the election...then you might find someone who has walked the same road.

(sorry, always looking at the Historical viewpoint)