A woman police officer pulled over a drunk driver. She said, "You are under arrest. Anything you say can and will be held against you."
The drunk replied, "Breasts".
~~~~~~~
And now for a true story...
The tags placed on migratory birds by the Washington Biological Survey used to read "Wash. Biol. Surv.", until they received a letter from an Arkansas camper stating, "I shot down one of your birds the other day. I think it was a crow. I followed the cooking instructions - it tasted horrible!".
The tags now read "Fish And Wildlife Association".
~~~~~~~
Two men were sitting on the roof of their house, watching the flood waters rise. Along came a old man driving a horse and cart.
"Quickly", he yelled, "Get on before the water gets too high."
The older of the two replied, "No thanks. In God we trust, he'll save us." The old man drove away.
Several hours later a young dude in a rubber boat roared up.
"Get on fella's, I'll take you to safety."
The older man again replied, "No thanks. In God we trust, he'll save us." The boat left.
Very soon, the water was up to their waists.
A helicopter hovered overhead and the rescuer yelled down, "We've come to rescue you."
"No thanks," said the older man. "In God we trust, he'll save us."
At that moment both were swept off the roof an disappeared in to the murky water.
When they arrived at the pearly gates, the older man asked to see God. He was taken into Gods presence.
"God, I've been faithful and good all my life. Why did'nt you save me?"
God replied, "But my son, I sent you a horse and cart, I sent you a boat, I even sent you a helicopter!"
The drunk replied, "Breasts".
~~~~~~~
And now for a true story...
The tags placed on migratory birds by the Washington Biological Survey used to read "Wash. Biol. Surv.", until they received a letter from an Arkansas camper stating, "I shot down one of your birds the other day. I think it was a crow. I followed the cooking instructions - it tasted horrible!".
The tags now read "Fish And Wildlife Association".
~~~~~~~
Two men were sitting on the roof of their house, watching the flood waters rise. Along came a old man driving a horse and cart.
"Quickly", he yelled, "Get on before the water gets too high."
The older of the two replied, "No thanks. In God we trust, he'll save us." The old man drove away.
Several hours later a young dude in a rubber boat roared up.
"Get on fella's, I'll take you to safety."
The older man again replied, "No thanks. In God we trust, he'll save us." The boat left.
Very soon, the water was up to their waists.
A helicopter hovered overhead and the rescuer yelled down, "We've come to rescue you."
"No thanks," said the older man. "In God we trust, he'll save us."
At that moment both were swept off the roof an disappeared in to the murky water.
When they arrived at the pearly gates, the older man asked to see God. He was taken into Gods presence.
"God, I've been faithful and good all my life. Why did'nt you save me?"
God replied, "But my son, I sent you a horse and cart, I sent you a boat, I even sent you a helicopter!"
