Advice for a friend who lost her daughter

[CMC122]

It's been my exerience that there is no specific time table for grieving and it can't be forced. As long as she's making baby steps... which it sounds like she is, then she's making progress. IMO, it's perfectly normal for it to take well over a year to get to the point where a person is ready for closure and feels they can begin to move on. I would think that would be expecially true in the case of an unexpected, horrific death. Baby steps.... keep helping her take baby steps.

I always say baby steps! Keep suppporting her Camily and if you get to a point where it is too much or you are unsure there are lots of great bereavement counselors in the area and the hospitals have great support groups for all involved

And here's for both of you I don't care what others say; the power of a hug is amazing!

 

[toppick08]

I always say baby steps! Keep suppporting her Camily and if you get to a point where it is too much or you are unsure there are lots of great bereavement counselors in the area and the hospitals have great support groups for all involved

And here's for both of you I don't care what others say; the power of a hug is amazing!

 

[godsbutterfly]

I understand the whole "move on" thing. I heard that alot when I lost my mom. People don't understand it's not that simple and everyone grieves different.

I don't really have an advice other then to let her move at her own pace. I do think the quilt idea is great. You are a terrific friend

I got that a lot when both of my parents died. Nobobdy can predict somebody else's grief. It would be wonderful to have the pillow. The pillow could even have little pockets for pictures of her at different ages. I've seen that done before but I'm not sure how to do it. Somehow you get a little small plastic piece in there and then the pocet can button or snap. I was told it's easy but I haven't tried it. My heart goes out to your friend, Camily. I'm glad she has you to help her.

 

[camily]

My sister is dieing of cancer and this thread is so touching. What a wonderful friend to do all that. God Bless!

Prayers for you, your family and especially for your sister.

 

[camily]

I always say baby steps! Keep suppporting her Camily and if you get to a point where it is too much or you are unsure there are lots of great bereavement counselors in the area and the hospitals have great support groups for all involved

And here's for both of you I don't care what others say; the power of a hug is amazing!

Very true! She was very young when she had her. I remember when she told me she was pregnant. It's still just unbelievable.

 

[camily]

You guys are giving me way too much credit. I'm just there for her and let her go at her pace. Just a friend.

 

[Nanny Pam]

Bless your heart, Camily! You are a good friend.

What you are doing is so generous. It's hard for her. And as her friend, I know it's hard for you to see her suffering this much. Grief is something we all have to take at our own pace. My Mother passed in 2001. I wish I could smell her.
The idea of a zip lock is good! You know those ones they sell on TV (vacuum type) well.....you don't have to suck the air out. You can just zip them like a zip lock baggie.

Hugs to you for all you're doing!

Prayers to the family.

 

[belvak]

You guys are giving me way too much credit. I'm just there for her and let her go at her pace. Just a friend.

And you are being a Great friend! I was 20 when I lost my Sister (she was 18) in 1980. I know how hard it was for me to get through, but I still can't imagine what my Mom & Dad went through. I can't even think what it would be like if I lost either of my kids.

As for moving on, everyone moves at their own pace. There is no right or wrong. I still have a couple of my Sister's shirts and some special photos that I will never part with. As someone else said, you can never underestimate the power of a hug! Give them frequently and freely! They do have healing power.

I love the idea of a ziplock bag. They have the giant sized ones now for clothes storage. Also, if she wore a special perfume and there is still a bottle there, put it in the ziplock too.

 

[lishokay]

One of my best friends lost her teenage daughter over the summer in a horrible accident. Overthe last week I have been helping her go into the bedroom and "touch" things. She hasn't wanted to because it was where her daughter had last touched it. It's hard, but she's ready.
She's afraid she will forget what her room looks like if she changes it. But she wants to.
The dirty laundry is still there. She likes to smell it. She will sit there holding her shirt to her face. It's heartbreaking. I completely understand though. I would do the same thing.
What are some suggestions as to how we can save these clothes so she can always have her scent. I've thought of vaccum sealing them but she wants access to them.
Her clean clothes are there and she doesn't want to get rid of them, yet she doesn't want them just hanging in the closet. I suggested haveing a quilt made from them. Any other suggestons?
If anyone has any suggestions concerning anything to do with the loss of a child, please let me know. I am taking her to a Compassionate Friends meeting next month as well.
She needs to feel it. She won't let herself. She's scared to let herself go there. She pushes it down. She has never let herself be mad and scream. She says it hurts too much to even go there. Good memories of her daughter are spattered with visions of the accident and her daughter dead.

Camily, I lost my 24 yr old son last year. I am interested in the Compassionate Friends meeting. Would you be willing to send me a message with a location of that meeting, or a phone number to find out more info? TIA

 

[Ladybug76]

You guys are giving me way too much credit. I'm just there for her and let her go at her pace. Just a friend.

You are too humble! I think it's more than just being a good friend. Your actions show a lot about your character. Some friends don't know what to do or say in situations like this, so they don't do anything because they are afraid of doing the wrong thing.

 

[KWAK]

Just being there for your friend is credit in yourself. These are the times when most people don't know what to do or say and tend to distance themselves from the family. And it's the people who stick around who are the ones that truly help others, like your friend, get through the day - the people who as "What can I do?" and really follow through with it.

I think a memory quilt is a fabulous idea for your friend. She could make a wall hanging of it, as well, to see every day (without risk of getting dirty) to give her comfort.

The loss of a child is never easy - no matter what age. I know - in my quest to conceive I lost 4 of them. For me, the people I hold dearest to my heart were the ones who cried with me as I was going through it all, and the ones to this day I can call to say "What would my life by like if. . . . "

Another great thing you can do in years to come is to always remember her daughter - send cards on the anniversary of her death, etc. As much as it will hurt, she'll be touched that her daughter was remembered.

Hugs to your friend and all that she is enduring. And hugs to you for caring enough to ask.

 

[camily]

You are too humble! I think it's more than just being a good friend. Your actions show a lot about your character. Some friends don't know what to do or say in situations like this, so they don't do anything because they are afraid of doing the wrong thing.

I tell her straight up that I know I can't say anything to comfort her. I actually tell her I'm talking out my a$$ when I suggest something because I have no idea, as much as I might try, what she is going through. Truely my mind won't really let me go there.

 

[camily]

Just being there for your friend is credit in yourself. These are the times when most people don't know what to do or say and tend to distance themselves from the family. And it's the people who stick around who are the ones that truly help others, like your friend, get through the day - the people who as "What can I do?" and really follow through with it.

I think a memory quilt is a fabulous idea for your friend. She could make a wall hanging of it, as well, to see every day (without risk of getting dirty) to give her comfort.

The loss of a child is never easy - no matter what age. I know - in my quest to conceive I lost 4 of them. For me, the people I hold dearest to my heart were the ones who cried with me as I was going through it all, and the ones to this day I can call to say "What would my life by like if. . . . "

Another great thing you can do in years to come is to always remember her daughter - send cards on the anniversary of her death, etc. As much as it will hurt, she'll be touched that her daughter was remembered.

Hugs to your friend and all that she is enduring. And hugs to you for caring enough to ask.

I'll do that. That's a great idea. She seems to like that I talk about her daughter by name. That I just talk about her. She says alot of people don't ever mention her because they are afraid she'll get upset. As if she only gets upset then. It makes her happy to hear her name.

 

[tiltedangel]

camily, first let me say how wonderful you are a true friend is hard to find...i was just wondering...this may sound strange but with the bed going...maybe she could set the room up as a special place..a sewing room or private reading room...paint it her daughters favorite color and decorate it with some of her things...and talk to her while she is working on it...her daughter is an angel and can hear her i am sure...talking also helps i hope she can remember the good times too and laugh for when she does they are laughing together...god bless...she is lucky to have you there....