Am I a bad mom?

vraiblonde

vraiblonde

Board Mommy
PREMO Member
Patron
My "kids" are 28 and 31.

Whenever I go anywhere that my mom knows about, she always says, "Call when you get there and let me know you arrived safely." Sometimes I remember to do this, but most of the time I don't. So last night I talked to her:

Did K get home from Alabama okay?
I'm sure she did.
Did she call you?
Nope.
Well how do you know she got in okay?
Beeeeecause I'd have heard by now if she didn't?

I'm not the kind of mom who wants my adult offspring to check in with me. Until I hear different, I assume they're fine. Occasionally I throw it out - "Call when you get there so I know you're safe." And they ignore me because they know I don't really mean it. I speak to them regularly, a couple times a week, so it's not like I won't hear from them at some point.

So do you do that, want your adult kids to call you when they get to a destination? Not like if they're local, but if they're on a trip somewhere? Is it just me who is fairly hands off with my adults?
 
DoWhat

DoWhat

Deplorable
PREMO Member
vraiblonde said:
My "kids" are 28 and 31.

Whenever I go anywhere that my mom knows about, she always says, "Call when you get there and let me know you arrived safely." Sometimes I remember to do this, but most of the time I don't. So last night I talked to her:

Did K get home from Alabama okay?
I'm sure she did.
Did she call you?
Nope.
Well how do you know she got in okay?
Beeeeecause I'd have heard by now if she didn't?

I'm not the kind of mom who wants my adult offspring to check in with me. Until I hear different, I assume they're fine. Occasionally I throw it out - "Call when you get there so I know you're safe." And they ignore me because they know I don't really mean it. I speak to them regularly, a couple times a week, so it's not like I won't hear from them at some point.

So do you do that, want your adult kids to call you when they get to a destination? Not like if they're local, but if they're on a trip somewhere? Is it just me who is fairly hands off with my adults?
Click to expand...
I always ask my daughter to call me when she gets home.
She is always by herself and driving back to her home in Baltimore.

It is a comfort factor.
 
ginwoman

ginwoman

Well-Known Member
I ask my sister to email me when she gets home. She also is always by herself and driving back to her home in Balto. Yes it is a comfort factor.
 
kwillia

kwillia

n/a
I had always expect a call or text if daughter is traveling by herself other than local. I have since passed that role on to her boyfriend knowing that he won't sleep until he knows she's arrived safely. Now I sleep like a baby because no news is good news. He'd call me if there was an issue.

In this day and age if instant communication I've found that word flies faster than a bat out of hell. I've gotten calls or text regarding people I know faster than an ambulance gets them to a hospital. So as long as I know someone is aware definitely aware of her travels I don't have to think about it.
 
DoWhat

DoWhat

Deplorable
PREMO Member
Couple of years ago my wife came and woke me up, telling our daughter was in an accident.
She totaled the car.

But I will never forget that. Waking up, first thing I asked her is she was all right.

Then I had to ask about the new car that we had just bought her.
 
Radiant1

Radiant1

Soul Probe
Vrai, if this makes you a bad mom, then I guess you're not alone. My mother is the same way. I also forget to call her, which really ticks her off. I don't bother telling my adult kids to check in with me because they wouldn't anyway and no news is good news.
 
catlingirl

catlingirl

Active Member
If its local I don't get too worried. My son is 18 and is going to drive to OK after Christmas and I'm going to ask him to call me when they stop halfway thru and when they get to OK. But that's only because this is his first trip halfway across the country.
 
catlingirl

catlingirl

Active Member
DoWhat said:
Couple of years ago my wife came and woke me up, telling our daughter was in an accident.
She totaled the car.

But I will never forget that. Waking up, first thing I asked her is she was all right.

Then I had to ask about the new car that we had just bought her.
Click to expand...
Thats good you asked about her first and not the car. Someone I know probably would have asked about the car. Of course it depends on which kid it is.
 
D

dan0623_2000

Active Member
I think what we are really talking about here is common courtesy. As parents we are worried about our children no matter how old they are. Never hurts to let your parents or your kids know you are ok.
 
D

dontknowwhy

New Member
DoWhat said:
Couple of years ago my wife came and woke me up, telling our daughter was in an accident.
She totaled the car.

But I will never forget that. Waking up, first thing I asked her is she was all right.

Then I had to ask about the new car that we had just bought her.
Click to expand...

When my brother was 16, he was in a fatal car accident. He survived with minor injuries but the others weren't so lucky.
When mom took the call from the hospital, her first concern was if he had on clean underwear...
 
MMDad

MMDad

Lem Putt
vraiblonde said:
So do you do that, want your adult kids to call you when they get to a destination? Not like if they're local, but if they're on a trip somewhere? Is it just me who is fairly hands off with my adults?
Click to expand...

It's the helicopter vs. not mentality. If you want your kids to grow into strong, mature adults then you have to trust them even when you want to watch over them. And sometimes that means that you don't demand that they check in. I've started that with my teens, and will give them more and more leeway/freedom as they get older. I do my monitoring in ways that they cannot see, so that I know that they are safe but they do not feel like I'm always looking over their shoulder.

Their mother is the exact opposite. Calls them at least three times a day.

They seem to feel safer when they are with me and they know that as long as they don't step over the lines they are free to make their own choices.
 
DEEKAYPEE8569

DEEKAYPEE8569

Well-Known Member
dontknowwhy said:
When my brother was 16, he was in a fatal car accident. He survived with minor injuries but the others weren't so lucky.
When mom took the call from the hospital, her first concern was if he had on clean underwear...
Click to expand...

The reply wasn't, 'Yes, we found them in the glove box,' was it?
 
StadEMS3

StadEMS3

Well-Known Member
PREMO Member
I'm 49 and my parents still want me to call them when I travel by myself visiting them in MA. If I don't call in a reasonable time I get the panic call, lol. It's all good, means they still love their #1 son! :)
 
S

snuzzy

New Member
My friends and I want to hear from each other when we have arrived home safe. Even for short distances (in the same county). A friend's brother rode his motorcycle in a ditch, middle of the day doing errands, died and was there for days. It's peace of mind for me, but it drives my son crazy, Lol!
 
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