Asking How Someone Died

[mAlice]

I removed this from the other thread. Wrong place to post it, and it could make the thread turn ugly. I don't want to do that.

Is it really okay to ask how someone died? If so, what should your relationship to that person be to expect an answer? I'm curious, because I can't bring myself to ask someone who has lost a loved one, how that person died.

 

[bcp]

I removed this from the other thread. Wrong place to post it, and it could make the thread turn ugly. I don't want to do that.

Is it really okay to ask how someone died? If so, what should your relationship to that person be to expect an answer? I'm curious, because I can't bring myself to ask someone who has lost a loved one, how that person died.

I never ask.
the answer could be personal, or painful.
If they want me to know, they will tell me.

 

[Chasey_Lane]

I don't see it as rude to ask but can certainly understand why someone wouldn't pose the question.

 

[Railroad]

I removed this from the other thread. Wrong place to post it, and it could make the thread turn ugly. I don't want to do that.

Is it really okay to ask how someone died? If so, what should your relationship to that person be to expect an answer? I'm curious, because I can't bring myself to ask someone who has lost a loved one, how that person died.

I think it's perfectly okay to ask. It's up to the bereaved or the authorities to choose how to answer that, and the immediate family usually gets to say what they want the rest of the world to know.

 

[bcp]

I think it's perfectly okay to ask. It's up to the bereaved or the authorities to choose how to answer that, and the immediate family usually gets to say what they want the rest of the world to know.

The other thing is, how many times do you think a family member wants to answer that question

 

[mAlice]

I don't see it as rude to ask but can certainly understand why someone wouldn't pose the question.

But what should the relationship be? How well should you know a person before you ask that question of a family member?

 

[Chasey_Lane]

But what should the relationship be? How well should you know a person before you ask that question of a family member?

That's up to each individual. I have no problem asking what happened, but that's me.

 

[mAlice]

This is less about Wenchy, and more about something closer to home.

There was recently a death in our neighborhood. I know the people, but not well. Hello in passing, chat when the opportunity presents itself. We've never had a beer together, or gone to the same parties. We know each other, as neighbors.

I would never dream of asking how the deceased died. There was some speculation, and then the real cause of death did make it's rounds, and I eventually learned what happened.

 

[mAlice]

That's up to each individual. I have no problem asking what happened, but that's me.

So you would ask anyone, regardless of whether there is any kind of relationship or not?

 

[bcp]

This is less about Wenchy, and more about something closer to home.

There was recently a death in our neighborhood. I know the people, but not well. Hello in passing, chat when the opportunity presents itself. We've never had a beer together, or gone to the same parties. We know each other, as neighbors.

I would never dream of asking how the deceased died. There was some speculation, and then the real cause of death did make it's rounds, and I eventually learned what happened.

So what happened?
If you tell me, I promise in a year or so when it finally happens due to the stress of a teen child driver, I will text you from the ambulance as they are trying to get my heart started again.

 

[Railroad]

The other thing is, how many times do you think a family member wants to answer that question

I don't think they'd want to do it very many times. And some families are VERY private and have definite discomfort about discussing such things outside the family.

 

[mAlice]

So what happened?
If you tell me, I promise in a year or so when it finally happens due to the stress of a teen child driver, I will text you from the ambulance as they are trying to get my heart started again.

It's not my place to say what happened. :shrug: Death is a private matter. If they wanted people to know, they'd take out a one page ad in the Emptyprize.

 

[mAlice]

I don't think they'd want to do it very many times. And some families are VERY private and have definite discomfort about discussing such things outside the family.

This would be me. I'd be profoundly offended if I lost someone I love, and people asked me how they died.

 

[Chasey_Lane]

So you would ask anyone, regardless of whether there is any kind of relationship or not?

What type of "relationship" do you mean? For example -- a co-worker's sister recently passed away. She lived halfway across the country and I never met her. Didn't even know he had a sister. I asked what happened, he told me.

If an individual doesn't want to answer, they won't.

 

[Railroad]

So you would ask anyone, regardless of whether there is any kind of relationship or not?

I don't know what Chasey would do, but in general for people I wasn't necessarily close to, I just wait and listen for the information to come out. As someone has already said, "dead is dead."

 

[Bay_Kat]

I think sometimes a normal reaction to hearing about someone unexpectedly dying is to say, "oh no, what happened?" Whether they choose to tell you is up to them. If it's sudden, I think any normal person will wonder what happened. Unless someone told me personally that someone passed away, I wouldn't ask how or what happened, I would just offer condolences.

 

[Chasey_Lane]

Is it rude when someone has a baby also, to ask a bunch of questions?

 

[mAlice]

What type of "relationship" do you mean?

Like the example I gave, or this. Just curious where you might draw the line. Apparently, you wouldn't. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, just that I couldn't do it, and would have a problem with someone asking.

 

[Railroad]

Is it rude when someone has a baby also, to ask a bunch of questions?

Seems like the birth event is something everyone WANTS to share; not so much with the death event.

 

[mAlice]

Is it rude when someone has a baby also, to ask a bunch of questions?

What kind of questions? What do you need to know other than the usual stuff? Boy/girl, length/weight, time of birth. New parents tend to put everything out there that anyone would want to know.