Upon finding out that someone I know has died, it's almost automatic to ask "what happened?" I let the person telling me decide how much detail they want to include, but to me it's human nature to ask, since we're all going to be there one day. I kind of figure, if you care enough to offer condolences, you care enough to ask what happened.
People I know who've lost a loved one, especially a spouse, always seem to say that they find out who their true friends are, because they are the ones that stick around afterwards - invite them out, call them or email them to see how they're doing 3 weeks afterwards. My best friend from high school lost her husband to small cell lung cancer 2 years ago. She's still in Wisconsin, and I try to call her every few weeks. She told me it helps, because Sunday afternoons seem to be the worst. She still likes to talk about John, and how he struggled to beat cancer. I don't know if I'm the only one she talks to about this stuff, but I'm glad she has me to listen.
To the person that posted that upon hearing of his brother's death, her husband didnt ask what happened, he just started getting ready to go, I would say it's pretty darned obvious that at some point he'd know what happened, and he was taking care of the most important thing at hand.
I also think it's kind of funny that the same people who don't see any problem bad mouthing people they dont know who've died on the forums, are some of the same people who are so "sensitive" they dont' think it's good form to ask how a person died.
Nooooooooo!!!!!!!! 
