Baby shower for 2nd child?

[kwillia]

This is most certainly one of my pet peeves... I agree with Miss Manners.

DEAR MISS MANNERS,

I am expecting my second child. My first child is almost 7 years old. My mother has informed me that it is tacky for me to expect a baby shower again for this second child. I am not sure where she is getting this idea, as I am her second child and I have seen pictures of a baby shower she had for me.
I am certainly in need of baby-gifts as I have purged them and was not expecting to have another. My husband and I are delighted to be expecting again and our friends and family seem pleased also. Not sure if I should have another baby shower, what do you think?


GENTLE READER,

Has anyone offered to give you a baby shower? You sound as if it is up to you to declare one because you need presents.

Your mother may have learned the rule late in life, but she is correct: Baby showers are properly given only for first babies. Miss Manners is soft-hearted enough not to condemn friends who are excited enough to insist on showering an experienced-but-expectant mother, but that is not for you --or your mother-- to decide.

 

[sockgirl77]

I only had one shower. I have a family member who insisted on having one with each pregnancy. Each one had fewer guests.

 

[mAlice]

I agree with Miss Manners, unless someone wants to do it for you. I also think that a second shower might be in order if the child is a different sex than the first.

I wouldn't push it beyond a second, though.

 

[onebdzee]

Several friends and I gave a shower for a woman having her 5th child....she had 4 girls and was expecting a boy and didn't have anything for him

 

[mAlice]

Several friends and I gave a shower for a woman having her 5th child....she had 4 girls and was expecting a boy and didn't have anything for him

I'd go along with that. I guess I should have taken that into consideration when I posted, but who has 5 babies anymore? People who have large families are few and far between these days.

 

[Chasey_Lane]

This might have been discussed before.

Q: If you are invited to a bridal shower, does that serve as your "wedding gift" or do you get something else for the couple for their wedding?

 

[Chasey_Lane]

I'd go along with that. I guess I should have taken that into consideration when I posted, but who has 5 babies anymore? People who have large families are few and far between these days.

Red Robin...

Lovin has a large brood, too!

 

[sockgirl77]

This might have been discussed before.

Q: If you are invited to a bridal shower, does that serve as your "wedding gift" or do you get something else for the couple for their wedding?

You get them a wedding gift as well.

 

[vraiblonde]

I'm the weirdo who got a shower for the second child, but not the first. When I was pregnant with Doug, we had just moved to GA and I didn't really know anyone except my husband's Army buddies. Those bastards didn't throw me a shower.

When I was pregnant with Kyle I had a cluster of girlfriends who showered me.

I think it's rude to expect a shower for anything, or to throw your own. A shower is a gift, not a right.

 

[ICit]

our work place does them ... and have done them for both men and women... (we do invite the woman if its a man.. most times they are in on the gig)


a few of them have OLDER kids... like in their teens....


... we do this because we are close to many we work with.. but we dont do it for every child they pop out.

 

[kwillia]

Several friends and I gave a shower for a woman having her 5th child....she had 4 girls and was expecting a boy and didn't have anything for him

Friends wanting to do a "sprinkle" is one thing, but I don't think the mother should assume she is getting one nor do I think she should get her feelings hurt if some chose not to attend. :shrug:

Besides, most people bring or give "welcome baby" presents and that typically covers clothes and diapers.

For the record, it isn't the generosity of others that gets me bent, but rather the assumption some seem to make that others should be providing for their brood. I (almost) always give an economy sized box of diapers to "welcome" the additional addition to the family, but I do it because I want to not because the mother or mother-of-the-mother expects it.

 

[kwillia]

This might have been discussed before.

Q: If you are invited to a bridal shower, does that serve as your "wedding gift" or do you get something else for the couple for their wedding?

You should gift at both. That is ONLY if you've been invited to both. And to add on you shouldn't be expected to go to the bridal shower if you aren't invited to the wedding... how rude!

 

[drivingdaisy]

If people want to throw a shower for a second-time (or more) mom to be, I wouldn't have a problem with it. Depending on who they are I might or might not attend. haha. I'm sure we can all think of situations where we'd be more than happy to attend the experienced mom shower and situations where we'd think "Oh lord mom-zilla is having another shower."

 

[drivingdaisy]

This might have been discussed before.

Q: If you are invited to a bridal shower, does that serve as your "wedding gift" or do you get something else for the couple for their wedding?

I still give a wedding gift too. If I gave a bridal shower gift, sometimes it means I don't give as large of a wedding gift.

 

[kwillia]

Oh here is one with an interesting twist...

DEAR MISS MANNERS,

I am several months pregnant with my first child. My boyfriend's sister-in-law has insisted on throwing a massive baby shower with no less than 40 guests. She and my boyfriend's mother are pushing me to register.

I cannot think of anything I would like less.

I have tried to explain to his family that I would prefer something modest or nothing at all, as I am German and we don't have baby showers. I also have wonderful, traditional hand-me-downs from my family that have great memories attached to them and I have ordered the other things I need.

My boyfriend and I live in a modest two bedroom apartment because we prefer doing things to having things. His brother and sister-in-law live large and think we are poor because of how we choose to live, and his mother clearly feels the same way.

We have, in fact, done quite well and will be able to retire in our forties if we choose to. We just don't advertise it.

I don't want to reject any kindness from his family and fully intend to include them in our joy, but I am overwhelmed by their desire for more and more things and by their need to push that on us as well.

How can I tactfully let them know that we have everything we need and would like nothing more than the pleasure of their company? If they feel they must purchase something, perhaps they could find something sentimental which our baby will treasure later in life? I have tried saying it just so to them but they scoff and ask me about colors for the nursery.


GENTLE READER,

"Whether it is because you are a foreigner or just because you are apparently a person of taste, you are able to see objectively what many Americans miss: that the typical American shower has become a vulgar greedfest.

Traditionally, it was an intimate gathering of close friends, featuring amusing token presents. Instead, it is now often given by relatives for a wide circle of people who are expected to furnish serious nursery needs.

Miss Manners commends you for resisting it.

But that is not to say that you must bar the baby's family from celebrating and contributing. You have already made sensible, tactful suggestions. It is time for the baby's father to insist that both of you, although grateful for the thought, are quite serious that you would enjoy only a small family gathering."

 

[kwillia]

And an interesting twist to the wedding present post.... I agree with Miss Manners here too...

DEAR MISS MANNERS,

How would you react to not being invited to a close friend's wedding, due to their not-so-nice spouse???

I have grown up with the groom my whole life...and we are as near as you can get without being blood related. I have asked his fiancée if my husband and I were invited to the wedding, but she has never replied.

The groom, my friend, has no backbone when it comes to his fiancee. I am very hurt by this decision. What do I do?

GENTLE READER,

"How about sending them a wedding present?

Miss Manners is not suggesting this as a way of embarrassing them into inviting you. You tried that, with the inquiry you made to the bride, whose silence may have been understandable surprise that anyone would ask such a forward question.

The reason for sending a present would be to show your goodwill toward you friend, and your good wishes for his happiness. Miss Manners dearly hopes that you will be able to develop both. Otherwise, your friend's backbone would be properly shown in sparing his bride the hostility you expressed here."

 

[red_explorer]

This is most certainly one of my pet peeves... I agree with Miss Manners.

DEAR MISS MANNERS,

I am expecting my second child. My first child is almost 7 years old. My mother has informed me that it is tacky for me to expect a baby shower again for this second child. I am not sure where she is getting this idea, as I am her second child and I have seen pictures of a baby shower she had for me.
I am certainly in need of baby-gifts as I have purged them and was not expecting to have another. My husband and I are delighted to be expecting again and our friends and family seem pleased also. Not sure if I should have another baby shower, what do you think?


GENTLE READER,

Has anyone offered to give you a baby shower? You sound as if it is up to you to declare one because you need presents.

Your mother may have learned the rule late in life, but she is correct: Baby showers are properly given only for first babies. Miss Manners is soft-hearted enough not to condemn friends who are excited enough to insist on showering an experienced-but-expectant mother, but that is not for you --or your mother-- to decide.

A dear friend of mine who has a large number of children was expecting her last, a few years later than the others. A bunch of us decided to throw her a baby shower for many reasons. but partially, because, in all her pregnancies, no one had ever thrown her one. At all.

 

[vraiblonde]

DEAR MISS MANNERS,

How would you react to not being invited to a close friend's wedding, due to their not-so-nice spouse???

I have grown up with the groom my whole life...and we are as near as you can get without being blood related. I have asked his fiancée if my husband and I were invited to the wedding, but she has never replied.

The groom, my friend, has no backbone when it comes to his fiancee. I am very hurt by this decision. What do I do?

My Best Friend's Wedding.

 

[drivingdaisy]

And an interesting twist to the wedding present post.... I agree with Miss Manners here too...

DEAR MISS MANNERS,

How would you react to not being invited to a close friend's wedding, due to their not-so-nice spouse???

I have grown up with the groom my whole life...and we are as near as you can get without being blood related. I have asked his fiancée if my husband and I were invited to the wedding, but she has never replied.

The groom, my friend, has no backbone when it comes to his fiancee. I am very hurt by this decision. What do I do?

GENTLE READER,

"How about sending them a wedding present?

Miss Manners is not suggesting this as a way of embarrassing them into inviting you. You tried that, with the inquiry you made to the bride, whose silence may have been understandable surprise that anyone would ask such a forward question.

The reason for sending a present would be to show your goodwill toward you friend, and your good wishes for his happiness. Miss Manners dearly hopes that you will be able to develop both. Otherwise, your friend's backbone would be properly shown in sparing his bride the hostility you expressed here."

I wonder if she is a crazy. Maybe this guy doesn't even really consider her a friend.

 

[sockgirl77]

I wonder if she is a crazy. Maybe this guy doesn't even really consider her a friend.

If she truly meant that much to him, he would have invited her.