Bad Things to Hear on an Airplane

[Bronwyn]

10. This is your captain speaking and I don't feel that life is worth living anymore.
9. We're cruising at an altitude of... ah, hell, I don't know.
8. Could somebody come up here and tell me what this button does?
7. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Just kidding.
6. Would a flight attendant bring me a martini? And keep 'em coming!
5. This is...uh...this is...uh...your...hmm. I seem to have lost my memory.
4. Passengers on the left side of the plane -- does that engine sound funny to you?
3. Welcome aboard flight 109 -- you bunch of jerks!
2. Good God, Steve! We're going to crash! Oops -- is this intercom on?
1. We'll be on the ground in 10 minutes. One way or another.

 

[LordStanley]

10. This is your captain speaking and I don't feel that life is worth living anymore.
9. We're cruising at an altitude of... ah, hell, I don't know.
8. Could somebody come up here and tell me what this button does?
7. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Just kidding.
6. Would a flight attendant bring me a martini? And keep 'em coming!
5. This is...uh...this is...uh...your...hmm. I seem to have lost my memory.
4. Passengers on the left side of the plane -- does that engine sound funny to you?
3. Welcome aboard flight 109 -- you bunch of jerks!
2. Good God, Steve! We're going to crash! Oops -- is this intercom on?
1. We'll be on the ground in 10 minutes. One way or another.

thats one thing I like about Flying Southwest..... Some of the captains actually use those lines. Pretty funny if you ask me

 

[Tina2001aniT]

10. This is your captain speaking and I don't feel that life is worth living anymore.
9. We're cruising at an altitude of... ah, hell, I don't know.
8. Could somebody come up here and tell me what this button does?
7. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Just kidding.
6. Would a flight attendant bring me a martini? And keep 'em coming!
5. This is...uh...this is...uh...your...hmm. I seem to have lost my memory.
4. Passengers on the left side of the plane -- does that engine sound funny to you?
3. Welcome aboard flight 109 -- you bunch of jerks!
2. Good God, Steve! We're going to crash! Oops -- is this intercom on?
1. We'll be on the ground in 10 minutes. One way or another.

My crazy friend says I need to get off the plane she "thinks" the left phalange is broke...

 

[Lugnut]

thats one thing I like about Flying Southwest..... Some of the captains actually use those lines. Pretty funny if you ask me

They used too. Not so much anymore.

Southwest was actually fun to fly several years ago. Now it's just like getting on a metro bus.

 

[smoothmarine187]

..........Shirley you can't be serious.............

 

[LordStanley]

..........Shirley you can't be serious.............

I am serious, and dont call me Shirley......

Joey, have you ever seen a grown man naked?

 

[smoothmarine187]

Do you like movies about gladiators

 

[Tonio]

Here's one - "Attention all young attractive female passengers - anyone want to help me join the Mile High Club?"

I am serious, and dont call me Shirley......

Joey, have you ever seen a grown man naked?

There's no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?

 

[LordStanley]

They used too. Not so much anymore.

Southwest was actually fun to fly several years ago. Now it's just like getting on a metro bus.

The captain on our summer flight did. Maybe we just got lucky

 

[Gwydion]

My crazy friend says I need to get off the plane she "thinks" the left phalange is broke...

Ma'am there is no Phalange!

There is no Phalange! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


That one was on a few nights ago!

 

[LordStanley]

Here's one - "Attention all young attractive female passengers - anyone want to help me join the Mile High Club?"



There's no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?

-Would you gentlemen care to order your dinners?
-Bet, babe. Slide a piece o' da' porter. Drink side, run da' java.
-Hey lookie here. I can dig grease 'n chompin' on some butter and draggin' through the garden

 

[smoothmarine187]

-Would you gentlemen care to order your dinners?
-Bet, babe. Slide a piece o' da' porter. Drink side, run da' java.
-Hey lookie here. I can dig grease 'n chompin' on some butter and draggin' through the garden

Was C-Murda on that plane..........lol

 

[Tina2001aniT]

Ma'am there is no Phalange!

There is no Phalange! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


That one was on a few nights ago!

I just watched that episode last night....I love me some friends...

 

[Gwydion]

I was on a very small plane when I flew into the Bahamas from Florida. The plane was so small he didnt even use his speaker. He turned around a few times and said some pretty funny stuff.

I was about 10 or so and I remember one pretty clearly. Our pilot was a bahamian guy....with a real heavy accent. The co-pilot was a white guy from the states. The pilot got on and said soemthing like..."We are now entering the Bermuda Triangle. Over the past 50 years there has been no place in the world that has had as many unexpected crashes. There have been hundreds of people, boats and planes that have seemingly just disapeared as if they never existed. I assure yall that nothing like that will...."

Then the white co-pilot started saying, "Tom? Thomas? Thomas?!?! TOM WHERE'D YOU GO!!!" At which point the plane started doing a slight nose dive (which turned out to be the plane landing...)

When I was 10 that freaked the crap outta me!

 

[julz20684]

My crazy friend says I need to get off the plane she "thinks" the left phalange is broke...

I saw that episode just last night

 

[itsbob]

I am serious, and dont call me Shirley......

Joey, have you ever seen a grown man naked?

I picked the wrong day to quit sniffing glue..

 

[LordStanley]

Was C-Murda on that plane..........lol

 

[Purplefox]

10. This is your captain speaking and I don't feel that life is worth living anymore.
9. We're cruising at an altitude of... ah, hell, I don't know.
8. Could somebody come up here and tell me what this button does?
7. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Just kidding.
6. Would a flight attendant bring me a martini? And keep 'em coming!
5. This is...uh...this is...uh...your...hmm. I seem to have lost my memory.
4. Passengers on the left side of the plane -- does that engine sound funny to you?
3. Welcome aboard flight 109 -- you bunch of jerks!
2. Good God, Steve! We're going to crash! Oops -- is this intercom on?
1. We'll be on the ground in 10 minutes. One way or another.

Um....In my book it would be "Allah Akbar".....

 

[donbarzini]

-Would you gentlemen care to order your dinners?
-Bet, babe. Slide a piece o' da' porter. Drink side, run da' java.
-Hey lookie here. I can dig grease 'n chompin' on some butter and draggin' through the garden

Excuse me stewardess, I speak jive.

 

[Nickel]

When I was little, three or four years old, I was flying with my parents. I had a window seat, and we were taxiing down the runway. I noticed another plane and screamed "We're going to crash!!!!". My parents were not amused.