Larry Gude
Strung Out
...so, I'm heading downtown Fredneck this am and about to get off on 85 and a homeless guy is walking across exit traffic ahead of me and I'm like 30 cars back, two lanes, everyone is MOVING and I figure I'm about to see someone die. Everyone is paying attention for some reason or all are caught up on their messages at the same instant and there is no carnage. By the time I get up, the dude is working down onto I70 shoulder, walking East.
I started to stop but lotta traffic up my ass so, onward I go. So, I figure this is worth a call but not a 911 deal. So, I call, get transferred to dispatch and for the next 5 minutes I'm playing 20 questions.
"Just drove past a guy in rough shape, seems pretty out of it, crossed traffic on 85 ramp, oblivious to traffic, walking along the shoulder of 70, eastbound, under 85"
"85 goes under 70, sir, not over."
Did not say "No, that would be 270, son..."
"Oh, wait, OK, I see, you mean 70..."
"Yes"
"Your name?"
I used my screen name.
"Phone number please?"
gave it
"Ok, so, are there any weapons?"
"No idea, I just drove past...older guy, looks homeless, dark cloths, stocking hat, hands in pockets, walking along 70 east shoulder..."
"Does he have any medical conditions..."
".........unknown at this time...I don't know him...."
"What is his race?"
Did not say "Human"
"Looks like a white guy, hard to tell going past, pretty rough looking, dirty..."
"What is he wearing?"
Did not say "A ####ing bumper if we don't get this out to a unit..."
"Dark dark pants,, dark sweat shirt, stocking hat, hands in pockets, pretty out of it..."
"A stocking hat?"
".......dark...."
"Ok, well, we have another call about this so, we'll get right on it, thank you...."
Did not say "It's probably him wondering what he has to do to get picked up..."
I started to stop but lotta traffic up my ass so, onward I go. So, I figure this is worth a call but not a 911 deal. So, I call, get transferred to dispatch and for the next 5 minutes I'm playing 20 questions.
"Just drove past a guy in rough shape, seems pretty out of it, crossed traffic on 85 ramp, oblivious to traffic, walking along the shoulder of 70, eastbound, under 85"
"85 goes under 70, sir, not over."
Did not say "No, that would be 270, son..."
"Oh, wait, OK, I see, you mean 70..."
"Yes"
"Your name?"
I used my screen name.
"Phone number please?"
gave it
"Ok, so, are there any weapons?"
"No idea, I just drove past...older guy, looks homeless, dark cloths, stocking hat, hands in pockets, walking along 70 east shoulder..."
"Does he have any medical conditions..."
".........unknown at this time...I don't know him...."
"What is his race?"
Did not say "Human"
"Looks like a white guy, hard to tell going past, pretty rough looking, dirty..."
"What is he wearing?"
Did not say "A ####ing bumper if we don't get this out to a unit..."
"Dark dark pants,, dark sweat shirt, stocking hat, hands in pockets, pretty out of it..."
"A stocking hat?"
".......dark...."
"Ok, well, we have another call about this so, we'll get right on it, thank you...."
Did not say "It's probably him wondering what he has to do to get picked up..."