Custody-What is in the best interest of the Child?
- Thread starter HappyMOM
- Start date
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Kain99
Guest
I don't think it is possible to give Dad "to much" visitation! Forget what everyone else does and make this about your kids.
Bay_Kat
Tropical
Whatever makes the child happy, they are going through a tought time as it is. Too generous with visitation is a bunch of BS. Do what you feel is right for your child.
Toxick
Splat
The child? Who cares... as long as you stick it to that SOB!
Screw what everybody else thinks. The children and their father should see each other as much as they want to, unless there's a good reason for them not to.
pixiegirl
Cleopatra Jones
Baby daddy and I don't have a set custody agreement nor court court ordered support and I venture to say that we probably have the best relationship of seperated parents that I know. We realize it's about the kids and not our personal feelings toward each other.
itsbob
I bowl overhand
the best visitation rights are open ended and not calendar driven..
One weekend a month following the 2nd Friday is not very compassionate or humane.
Get the lawyers out of it, and do what's best for the kids.
Visititation should be controlled with no more than a phone call. "Hey, such and such is going on tomorrow night, do you guys want to go??" Should not be limited to an amount of days per month.. Parents are adults, they should be able to work it out.
Dad shouldn't have to be concerned with buying tickets to a game and being told.. "That's not your week-end, you can't have them!!"
itsbob
I bowl overhand
greeneyes36
New Member
In our agreement, my ex gets the kids every other weekend - Fri. 5pm - 6pm Sunday night. He's able to take them for two additional evenings every week 5pm-8pm. We've made a verbal agremeent since the day he walked out the door that any time he's interested in spending time with them just let me know - either day before or that morning (just so it's not last minute changes in plans) and if we've not made plans, he's more than welcome to have the time with them. I am all for my kids getting to spend as much time with him as he's willing to give them. It works GREAT for us. He calls just about every morning to wish them a good day and every evening to say goodnight. It's what he's always done when he was working shiftwork and not home in the morning or evenings when we were there...so he just continued doing that and it's really helped them with the transition through the separation and divorce. The kids saw they would still have their Daddy. Occasionally, because of his work schedule, he doesnt take them the two additional nights for dinner/whatever, but at least the one night when his schedule doesnt allow for two evenings. Kids are what are important and it does help that we get along too -- if we were nasty and bitter with one another, kids might not see him as much or talk as often. but we've worked hard to keep it from ever being that way. Our transition between visits are always very friendly and the kids see that. That's what is best for our situation. Hope you're able to have something similiar to work with.
I don't think I understand this question. Is there a catch or some issue that would preclude your letting the ex have his children whenever he wants them?
I guess to give you some history behind my originial question:
My husband had an affair and left. Since he left I told him that no matter what I felt about him, I wanted him to spend as much time with his daughter as possible. Since then, he's refused to work with me on a schedule, everythings been pretty random so far. I want to get something more structured so that we both know what to expect. Every other weekend seems like not enough time and EVER WEEKEND seems like I don't get enough time. He won't work with me/communicate with me anymore and I'm getting frustrated. I by no means want to punish my daughter for his mistakes, but I don't really know what would be in her best interest at this point. It's hard to keep your feelings separate from the situation.
My husband had an affair and left. Since he left I told him that no matter what I felt about him, I wanted him to spend as much time with his daughter as possible. Since then, he's refused to work with me on a schedule, everythings been pretty random so far. I want to get something more structured so that we both know what to expect. Every other weekend seems like not enough time and EVER WEEKEND seems like I don't get enough time. He won't work with me/communicate with me anymore and I'm getting frustrated. I by no means want to punish my daughter for his mistakes, but I don't really know what would be in her best interest at this point. It's hard to keep your feelings separate from the situation.
greeneyes36
New Member
Also, the "times" are flexible... sometimes he picks them up from daycare and brings them home around 8pm -- just try to stick with 8pm because they're little and are normally headed up to bed by 8 -- nights he has them it's 8:30 bedtime... unless something big going on. exceptions are the norm for us. They just have to be picked up from daycare by 5:30 by one of us -- we meet up the road closer to where he's living on occasions too -- save him driving time too. And for the most part, the friday nights he has them, he's picking them up at our house around 6pm - so they're not having to drag all their stuff to daycare that morning. just much easier on everyone to come to the house. Our two additional nights during the week were more of a "minimum" than a max. Like i said, he can see them as often as he wants. They need their daddy as much as he needs them!!
jenbengen
Watch it
So explain to me what is wrong with being nice to your ex and sharing the visitation generously between the two parents that created these children?? Do what works for you and him and keeps you two at peace. Screw the others- it's none of their business. Your kids feeling secure and safe is what matters. If he is a good father, you are doing the right thing, in my opinion. All divorces do not have to be fights.
Toxick
Splat
That sucks for you, and I feel for you. Honestly. But keep in mind, if he's a good father, his affair shouldn't mean #### when it comes to kids. It should be a completely different operating framework.
How old is the child? Is a rigid structure really that necessary? I understand that school nights should be - and need to be - kind of strict, kids have homework, need to eat, get baths, and be in bed on time.
Other than that, I say, just let it go.
So if he has his kids 8-10 days out of every 30(ish) days you think that would be too much?
Think about this: If you were on the other side, how would you feel about the 20+ days a month you don't get to see your kids?
If it were me, and I could only see my babies on weekends, (or, God help me, every other weekend) I'd be crushed. I'd be unreasonable. I'd be depressed, I'd be sad, I'd be worried, I'd be frustrating and frustrated. It would be even worse if I knew that I only had myself to blame because I threw my marriage away to plow some whore.
I'd try a little understanding and leeway. Kids need both their parents. Unless there's any reason for him not to see the child, let him.
Well, first you need to stop taking advice from other people. Especially lawyers, and people who, more than likely, want to see your ex punished because he hurt someone they care about.
Good luck to you and your kid.
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I disagree with that. We're talking about a faithless person who had no problem destroying his childrens' family so he could run off with some bimbo. That, in my opinion, doesn't make a good father when getting laid is more important than your own kids.
I think at first it is. There needs to be a routine, not necessarily so Mom knows what to expect, but so the kids do. However, nobody can force the father to spend time with his child, and it's probably not wise to do that anyway.
Mom, does he want more or less visitation? What's he going for?
sanchezf
Little ol' Me
I think what you have is a wonderful arrangement. We have a very structured schedule and his ex is very nasty and it completly sucks, I have said for many years that it would be so nice if we could all just get along and make it easier on the children. I think you should go with what you are already doing, if it works and the children are happy. Stop listening to others, there are to many people out there that want everyone to suffer through life like they do....
It's important that you have "down time" with her yourself, don't give up your weekends. Considering what you have said I would follow the advise of my lawyer. I'm sure that the lawyer's motive is $$ driven but if the father is as you described it's in your best interest to follow the lawer's advise. It's been argued that kids whose parents chose 50/50 custody arrangements handle divorce very well but I don't see any indication that your ex has his child's best interest in mind at this particular time and you could suffer for that if he doesn't realize this and change.
After whatever agreement is made I would make sure that the father knows you would gladly give extra time for the sake of the child and will work with him in making arrangements that work for both of you and the child.
Toxick
Splat
I would tend to agree with this, if I hadn't seen otherwise so many times. I know people who absolutely suck at relationships, and make god-awful husbands and wives, but are still great parents.
I'd argue with you further, but I gotta git. Mrs Toxick isn't feeling well, and I'm going home to pamper her.
Sniff you folks tomorrow.