Custody-What is in the best interest of the Child?

[vraiblonde]

Mrs Toxick isn't feeling well, and I'm going home to pamper her.

Get well soon, Mrs. Tox

 

[poster]

That sucks for you, and I feel for you. Honestly. But keep in mind, if he's a good father, his affair shouldn't mean #### when it comes to kids. It should be a completely different operating framework.

I agree the affair has nothing to do with the child and you should not hold that against him in your decision making.

How old is the child? Is a rigid structure really that necessary? I understand that school nights should be - and need to be - kind of strict, kids have homework, need to eat, get baths, and be in bed on time.

Other than that, I say, just let it go.

I don't agree here - she shouldn't just let this go. He should be capable of making reasonable arrangements. She shouldn't just be left to wonder if he'll show up today or tomorrow if he just feels he wants to. How is she to move on with her own life under those circumstances?

So if he has his kids 8-10 days out of every 30(ish) days you think that would be too much?

Think about this: If you were on the other side, how would you feel about the 20+ days a month you don't get to see your kids?

I agree that she should consider both sides of the coin here but I feel strongly about her keeping weekends. Mon - Fri when working and running is not the same "quality" time as weekends when you can take the time to play with your kids.

If it were me, and I could only see my babies on weekends, (or, God help me, every other weekend) I'd be crushed. I'd be unreasonable. I'd be depressed, I'd be sad, I'd be worried, I'd be frustrating and frustrated. It would be even worse if I knew that I only had myself to blame because I threw my marriage away to plow some whore.

But would you sit and have a pitty party or make every effort to see your children? It sounds as if he's out doing as he pleases and then thinking of the child when it's convenient for him.

I'd try a little understanding and leeway. Kids need both their parents. Unless there's any reason for him not to see the child, let him.

I agree - if you wants to see her I'd make sure he could. You've made it sound like he doesn't want to. Has he been asking for her?
Well, first you need to stop taking advice from other people. Especially lawyers, and people who, more than likely, want to see your ex punished because he hurt someone they care about.

I believe in listening to your lawyer as for family and friends, your decisions are your own - not theirs.
Good luck to you and your kid.

***

 

[latinamomma]

I know my ex and I have an agreement and he has never stuck to it....including the payment of support. I have always been open to allowing him to see the kids even if he doesn't pay.....my husband seems to think I am too nice for my own good....I think he's right...lol! My ex has "reasonable visitation" with the children. We did try the every other weekend thing, but he can't stick to that and doesn't take them during the week. My children have decided that they really don't want anything to do with their "sperm donor" (hey, it's what they call him) and have been calling my husband daddy since I can remember....their choice. As for your situation....You need to do the every other weekend thing or figure out what weekends would work for him and which ones would work for you....maybe he can spend some time with her during the week after school or if she plays a sport, you can drop her off and he can pick her up for dinner or something. The man is a low life for cheating on you....but you do have a daughter and he needs to make a point to be a part of her life no matter what. I wish you two the best of luck....and when it comes to the lawyers....screw them....they only want $$$$$$

 

[Roxy1104]

I would do whatever works for you both, and what's in the childs best interest. If the going gets tough, you might want to consider a mediator before seeing an attorney.

 

[LusbyMom]

I would do whatever works for you both, and what's in the childs best interest. If the going gets tough, you might want to consider a mediator before seeing an attorney.

Unless they come to an agreement BEFORE court then the court will court order mediation. Everytime my ex and I went into mediation it was a HUGE waste of time and money. He had no desire to mediate anything and in the end in screwed him.

 

[2xmommie]

I come from a divorced family and as the child in the middle it really depends on the situation. Has he ever harmed you or your child etc... It just depends. Some judges think that a child only belongs with the mother and fathers get very little rights. In my case that was so wrong. Im not saying your bad im just giving examples.i hope the best for you. It is a vert difficult process and effects everyone, mostly the child.

 

[ewashkow]

I guess to give you some history behind my originial question:
My husband had an affair and left. Since he left I told him that no matter what I felt about him, I wanted him to spend as much time with his daughter as possible. Since then, he's refused to work with me on a schedule, everythings been pretty random so far. I want to get something more structured so that we both know what to expect. Every other weekend seems like not enough time and EVER WEEKEND seems like I don't get enough time. He won't work with me/communicate with me anymore and I'm getting frustrated. I by no means want to punish my daughter for his mistakes, but I don't really know what would be in her best interest at this point. It's hard to keep your feelings separate from the situation.

After reading this statement, there is one part that really concerns me. He knows that you want to work out a custody agreement that is beneficial to him yet he is refusing to cooperate? Is he just calling up saying that he wants to spend time with your daughter and not caring if you have made other plans with her since you said "I want you to spend as much time as possible with her"?

Force him to make an arrangement. Your daughter will look forward to the time she gets to spend with him and it helps reduce disappointment if the dad doesn't call during the time apart. If he can't be bothered to set aside time for her-be it every other weekend, couple evenings a week, or whatever-he isn't much of a father.

I know that sounds harsh but trust me, it's better to know when you will be able to see your father then wonder why he doesn't want to see you or talk to you and what it is that you did wrong to deserve his lack of attention.

 

[mackco79]

My exwife an I have an agreement that I get the kids every other weekend and we split the holidays. I can get the kids whenever I want with a phone call. My kids are all into sports so I pretty much get to see them every night during the week at the ball games. It all kinda worked its way into a smooth pattern after a few months and trust me we cant stand each other but for the kids we put all our differances aside.

 

[poster]

After reading this statement, there is one part that really concerns me. He knows that you want to work out a custody agreement that is beneficial to him yet he is refusing to cooperate? Is he just calling up saying that he wants to spend time with your daughter and not caring if you have made other plans with her since you said "I want you to spend as much time as possible with her"?

Force him to make an arrangement. Your daughter will look forward to the time she gets to spend with him and it helps reduce disappointment if the dad doesn't call during the time apart. If he can't be bothered to set aside time for her-be it every other weekend, couple evenings a week, or whatever-he isn't much of a father.

I know that sounds harsh but trust me, it's better to know when you will be able to see your father then wonder why he doesn't want to see you or talk to you and what it is that you did wrong to deserve his lack of attention.

Exactly!....You are not punishing him by asking this of him. It's not fair to you or your child to not know when or if you'll hear from him. It's disrespectful of him to just assume that you can and will jump when he wants you to.