I also have ptsd, because of the animals that raised me. I was told throughout my childhood that I was retarted, ugly, a whore, along with some smacking around and other abuse, and witnessing awful things, it took it's toll. I masked all of this very well, I joined the military, changed my name, etc, but it was always there ready to rear it's ugly head. For some reason I felt guilt for the abuse. Now here I am decades later, in therapy, was on meds, health problems of all types, that lead back to medical neglect in childhood, I am pretty much lost. I thought I was too stupid to do anything and that I was crazy. I was always studying things on my own, painting playing the piano, violin, writing poetry, songs, sewing, wood carving....on and on. I must be crazy right? then I took several IQ tests, and sadly, late in life, I found out I wasn't retarted. My thirst for knowledge was me trying to feed my brain because I have a high IQ. And I don't know what to do with it. I am to crippled by the abuse, and deppresion. It is too late for a degree, and I am too old and sickly. Who would hire me? Any jobs I have had were janitorial, alot of janitors have high IQ's. I am still trying to figure out what I want to do when I grow up.
Just wonder how long it will last. Pretending to be happy is wearing me out. Anti deppresants do not help me either. I am always on the verge of crying, I feel tempted to be mean, but this is not in my nature.
