Do you stay or do you go

[TWLs wife]

Don't the kids have the pain of two people that don't love each other, Kids can see it & feel it. I know I live in that kind of HE!! for 15 years. Thanks to my parents

 

[SamSpade]

I didn't answer - if the question is, A or B the answer isn't "Yes".
It's A - or B.

Should you stay or should you go - does yes mean, stay, or does yes mean, go? What if I just said "No" - what does that mean?

 

[Kizzy]

I think every situation is different. My mother stayed home and took care of the house and 3 kids. My dad was a workaholic and an azzhole when he drank. I was the oldest, so I suffered his wrath the most. I was angry with my mother for not leaving and when I would ask her why she stays, she would say, he works hard for the family, he doesn’t drink all the time, he doesn’t beat me and as far as she knew he was faithful. But the moment he hit the door he would scream and yell about the house being a mess, the grass not being cut, the laundry not getting done, etc. etc. She was afraid to leave because of the financial repercussions, so she sunk in a depressed little world, sleeping all the time, taking absolutely no interest in cleaning the house. I thought she needed to get a job, but if someone doesn’t have that kind of motivation, they will never do it. She died of cancer and she always felt my father wasn’t there when she needed him. Looking back I see fault on both sides. She didn’t have a job and he worked all the time to support the family. He expected the house to be cleaned and she wanted him to just be there when she needed him. Seems so simple, but neither one ever seemed to bend to accommodate the other. It was defiantly a lack of mutual respect. He thought she watched soaps all day and spent all his money, and she thought he was off having fun at work all day. Now, my father is remarried and him and his wife seem to get along very well, but sometimes I wonder why my parents never seemed happy and how tragic she died an unhappy woman.

Anyone see the move “About Us?” In the movie, Rita Wilson talks about the wear and tear of the job (of taking care of kids) and says that it is what wears a relationship down. I think that is such a true statement. It didn’t bother me that my husband didn’t pick up his socks or cloths or clean up after himself, until the kids came along. Now, I feel like it is a lack of respect for how hard I work all day, and that secretly he leaves his crap laying around so that the maid “ME” will just pick it up. Maybe I shouldn’t have absorbed so many responsibilities early on in the marriage and I’m to blame, but I feel he should see that I work so hard and at least try to lessen the load on me, without me having to beg him to do it. Seems simple, but he’ll never see it in my eyes. If I say something about it, I’m being a bicth and then, I’m reminded that he isn’t running around in bars, fooling around or beating me. (yes master, I’m so grateful master, pardon me for expecting you to pick up your underwear master, or expect you not to leave you shoes in the middle of the living room master, I should have seen them there and not failing over them master, and the belt buckle that went in my foot was my fault master)

But I just wonder how many marriages that break up, after the kids go off to college or way before, started out with just one simple issue that was never fixed? The entire wear and tear of the job?

 

[vraiblonde]

It's kind of sad to think that that's all some women are raised to expect: a guy who doesn't beat them, cheat on them or get drunk all the time.

My Mom finally married well the third time around, so I had a basis for comparison when I went out looking for Larry. I looked at my folks and said, "I want that," and kept discarding men until I got it.

My chicken's about ready to come out of the oven but someone remind me to tell you all about the conversation Larry and I had this morning about withholding sex as a punishment to your husband.