Do you still seek your parents' approval?

frequentflier

happy to be living
My Dad moved out when I was about 12 and I got the boot when I was 15 and never lived in my mother's home again. I never sought anyone's approval ever. I did what I wanted, when I wanted. Since I moved away from my home town when I was 17 or 18, they only knew what I told them. Years later I slipped up about something like a motorcycle accident I was in and everyone was like "Wait, What? You didn't tell us about that" :lol:

And to Bann's comment about her Mom and tattoo, one year I was in Rochester during the summer (I usually only went for Christmas) and had a tank top and shorts on and my Mom was circling around me and I asked her what she was doing. She responded that she KNEW I had tattoos and wanted to see them. To this day, I have no tats.
 

Toxick

Splat
So when was the last time you sought your parents' approval regarding a life choice?
When I was 19 I said this: "I think I'm going to move out. What do you think?"

That was the last time, I think. And honestly, approval or not, it was gonna happen anyway. My parents and I (read: my father and I) do not see eye to eye on a great many things, and although I love them dearly and I love talking to them, and seeing them, visiting them, if I had to live with them another minute, there would have been .... ahem ... "peaceful protesting".

Ok - that's a huge exaggeration all around - but yeah, I was happy to move out and live my best life. Which took many long years to achieve, and I never looked for anybody's approval, including my parents.

It's just interesting seeing a 30-some year old woman fretting and near tears because she's scared what her parents will say about her tiny house.
Well, I can see being upset if your parents disapprove of one of your life choices. Whether you are actively seeking their approval or not, it's nice to make your parents proud, and somewhat disappointing if they feel let down. I think the main difference is if your parents start voicing their disapproval over something you've done, do you have the balls to say, "Psssht... you need to stop talking now". Most people never grow that particular set.
 

vraiblonde

Board Mommy
PREMO Member
Patron
Well, I can see being upset if your parents disapprove of one of your life choices.
I'm so indifferent to my mother's disapproval that she doesn't even bother anymore. She's one of those who thinks that because she likes or doesn't like something, that means everyone has to feel the same way. Also, her way is the only way. So when I'm making runzas in front of her I'll do it her way because I don't care and it makes her happy to be "right". But when it's something lifey - like running away with Monello to be a homeless person traveling across America - I just tell her this is what I'm doing and she gulps and says, "Well that sounds.....exciting....."
 

RareBreed

Throwing the deuces
That was me, too. Though I didn't consult her before getting my tattoo (nor did I even once consider doing so) I was very amused at my mother's reaction when she first saw it! She used my first and middle name - "BannMarie - what did you do?!" :roflmao:

:biggrin:
Mine called me a slut even though I was a virgin and never had a real boyfriend. I regret getting it and most of the time I forget I have it. Out of sight out of mind.
 

Bann

Doris Day meets Lady Gaga
PREMO Member
Mine called me a slut even though I was a virgin and never had a real boyfriend. I regret getting it and most of the time I forget I have it. Out of sight out of mind.
:huggy: I'm sorry that happened to you. Your mom should be ashamed of herself, really. No parent should accuse their child of something like that.

FTR:
My mom really loved my tattoo - the reason she made the exclamation to me is because it was completely out of character for me to have done something like that. My tattoo was thought of, planned for, dedicated to and gotten in memory of my late sister, so my mom really loved it. :yay:
 

RareBreed

Throwing the deuces
:huggy: I'm sorry that happened to you. Your mom should be ashamed of herself, really. No parent should accuse their child of something like that.

FTR:
My mom really loved my tattoo - the reason she made the exclamation to me is because it was completely out of character for me to have done something like that. My tattoo was thought of, planned for, dedicated to and gotten in memory of my late sister, so my mom really loved it. :yay:
It was completely out of character for me too. I don't think she really thought I was a slut considering I was still living with her and she knew I never went anywhere. I think she said it more because she was afraid that was what others would think of me. Like only trashy girls get tattoos. Even though I got it before my husband, I could easily say it was because of what brought us together. Met at the vet with our ferrets.
 

SamSpade

Well-Known Member
This is the word I was looking for - many of these folks seem to be upset because they didn't get their parents' permission to downsize.

It's weird.
Yeah. My parents are gone - my mom just last year. I don't think I ever sought "permission" or validation or anything, and I sure wouldn't have ceased doing something I thought was a good idea because they disapproved. But I think people I know - did. When I was 20 I left the Catholic Church to join a different one and my mother gave me hell over it for a couple of YEARS. Long "talks" on the phone where I listened - took breaks to make a sandwich - and came back to them (out of respect).

To my father's credit - he shared many of my mom's views - but felt it wasn't his place to tell me. "That was your decision son. I didn't like it, but I respected it".

Later in life I didn't want APPROVAL - but I did want their advice. A lot of times, relationship advice. My wife is the perfect example - first woman I ever made the effort to introduce to my parents. I was a LOT OLDER than most men are when I did. It wasn't approval so much as - whaddaya think? This one's a keeper? If they disapproved, it wouldn't have changed anything.

The ONLY THING I can think of - was I chose to have a wedding rather than elope. I knew that would break my mom's heart. Once I was engaged she wanted to invite half the East Coast and I told her we couldn't afford it (we paid for our own wedding and reception). Even after it was set, paid for and on the calendar, when I joked to my mom that maybe we should just go to Vegas and get married in some chapel, she said oh that's ok - but I'm coming too.
 
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