Domestic Violence
- Thread starter Lexib_
- Start date
Actually, I think protection orders are too hard to enforce.
Hooking up and having children with an abuser is a mistake that lasts a lifetime because you NEVER get rid of this guy.
Tina2001aniT
New Member
I feel that protective orders are worthless, especially over here in Calvert.
Tina2001aniT
New Member
MMDad
Lem Putt
The only thing they are good for is to use as a little bit of evidence during the murder trial.
If somebody is that effed up, a stupid piece of paper from the judge telling them to stay away will not matter. They cannot put a cop at the house 24/7. What else can they do?
M
missperky
Guest
Same goes for St Mary's.
They must actually wait until the court order has been violated, and by then it's usually too late.
We've heard of how many instances where some loony ex-husband with a protective order against him has killed his wife or girlfriend (possibly the children as well), then himself?
LADIES!!!!! DO NOT GET INVOLVED WITH ABUSIVE MEN!!! The second he shows signs of aggression toward you, RUN and don't look back, because it's just going to get worse.
Tina2001aniT
New Member
They can enforce them and take them seriously. When they are violated and there is evidence and you end up in court, a really good start to getting the stuff taken care of would be for the judge NOT to say "Oh look it is Mr. X and Ms. Y again, I am really getting tired of seeing you two"
to which I almost got myself in big trouble when I said "I am really sick of seeing you as well, do your job and you will never see me again" The whole court room gasped
Thinking back that was a really stupid thing to say.
But living for 5 years plus with even my mother saying if you end up dead, we know who did it, gets a little old.
jenbengen
Watch it
I just never understood how a piece of paper is going to stop a loony from coming to beat you up or kill you. I guess there are some exceptions where it works. I'm surprised to hear how easy people think they are to get around here. My SIL was denied one in FL and she had plenty of "proof" that she needed one. I guess it just varies. Maybe states should work on making the laws for restraining orders consistent with each others so there is no confusion.
MMDad
Lem Putt
They can enforce them and take them seriously. When they are violated and there is evidence and you end up in court, a really good start to getting the stuff taken care of would be for the judge NOT to say "Oh look it is Mr. X and Ms. Y again, I am really getting tired of seeing you two"
to which I almost got myself in big trouble when I said "I am really sick of seeing you as well, do your job and you will never see me again" The whole court room gasped
Thinking back that was a really stupid thing to say.
But living for 5 years plus with even my mother saying if you end up dead, we know who did it, gets a little old.
That would be great to see!Unfortunately, there are a lot of women who get an order on their man and then let him move back in or otherwise ask for the abuse to continute. The judges see this, and they get jaded to it. It's not right, but I can see why it happens.
I've seen the other side of this as well with my mother. I saw her screaming at her husband that if he was a real man he would hit her. The next day she was at the courthouse getting a restraining order on him. That's the kind of abuse to the system that makes the orders ineffective to those who actually need them.
There is no easy answer to this problem. I wish there were.
Lexib_
Blah.. Blah...Blah
Novus Collectus
New Member
From what I understand an ex parte restraining order is easy to get, but a full fledged order takes some effort.
Let's face it, a restraining order on a homicidal spouse or former partner will do nothing by itself, but it does work on the spouse or partner that is still in the escalating violence stage and it would also work on the creepy stalkers that just can't stay away trying to "convince" the other to take them back.
The creepy, obsessive stalkers or spurned former partners could be put in jail if they keep coming around violating the order.
Then there is the former partner that just wants to get back at the other by doing stupid crap like keying a car or taking a dump on the front porch in the middle of the night. The order can help quell harrassment too.
Having said this though, restraining orders can be abused. I have heard of a few cases where the wife tries to make life miserable for the husband by filing one because she knows he has to surrender his guns to the police for the duration of the order and it is a PITA to get them back. (no surrender of guns for the ex parte orders as I understand it)
I also understand that restraining orders are abused in child custody cases involving divorce too, but much more often than not it is someone with a legitimate reason and I would rather see the courts err on the side of caution. I have seen and heard of way too many legitimate cases among friends, aquaintances and in the news to feel otherwise.
Let's face it, a restraining order on a homicidal spouse or former partner will do nothing by itself, but it does work on the spouse or partner that is still in the escalating violence stage and it would also work on the creepy stalkers that just can't stay away trying to "convince" the other to take them back.
The creepy, obsessive stalkers or spurned former partners could be put in jail if they keep coming around violating the order.
Then there is the former partner that just wants to get back at the other by doing stupid crap like keying a car or taking a dump on the front porch in the middle of the night. The order can help quell harrassment too.
Having said this though, restraining orders can be abused. I have heard of a few cases where the wife tries to make life miserable for the husband by filing one because she knows he has to surrender his guns to the police for the duration of the order and it is a PITA to get them back. (no surrender of guns for the ex parte orders as I understand it)
I also understand that restraining orders are abused in child custody cases involving divorce too, but much more often than not it is someone with a legitimate reason and I would rather see the courts err on the side of caution. I have seen and heard of way too many legitimate cases among friends, aquaintances and in the news to feel otherwise.
That's why I am sleeping with a 357!!!!
Novus Collectus
New Member
Yeah, but with the piece of paper there is almost no question of it being self defence. Wave the piece of paper after you have to shoot and that is what the order is probably good for.
Lexib_
Blah.. Blah...Blah
I totally agree. There is no right or wrong answer I guess. For example I had a friend who's ex wife was a nut to begin with. She went to the courthouse and got a protection order saying he was verbally, and physically. This guy is neither of them. The judge granted it. Less then two weeks later she requested it vacated. The judge was pretty pissed. I do think that there is a need for peace/protection orders. However I see many people use them in custody situations. I actually went to a lawyer who suggested it. Some other posters are right as well. A piece of paper is not going to keep someone from bothering you. Perhaps stricter laws against violaters would help. I guess what I am trying to say is.. If there is proof of abuse... issue an order. If it is being requested during a divorce/child custody... it should be looked into further if it is true or just a tactic. In the case of people who want protection orders for false pretenses... Lock them up for false report. Also the people who have protection orders and are with the person and get caught together. Both of them should be locked up. Also if they are caught together the order should be removed and they should not be allowed to get another protection order against that person. JMO
Unfortunately, there are a lot of women who get an order on their man and then let him move back in or otherwise ask for the abuse to continute. The judges see this, and they get jaded to it. It's not right, but I can see why it happens.
I've seen the other side of this as well with my mother. I saw her screaming at her husband that if he was a real man he would hit her. The next day she was at the courthouse getting a restraining order on him. That's the kind of abuse to the system that makes the orders ineffective to those who actually need them.
There is no easy answer to this problem. I wish there were.
Lexib_
Blah.. Blah...Blah
If I feel my life is threatened by any intruder (ex or other) - shoot!
Novus Collectus
New Member
Oh no, I totally agree and I would as well, but I am just saying that that piece of paper may help ward off an overzealous DA from pushing for a charge.