Domestic Violence

[SweetThang]

That's why I am sleeping with a 357!!!!

Smith & Wesson makes a real nice Model 60LS Revolver - LadySmith®

 

[Novus Collectus]

... Both of them should be locked up. Also if they are caught together the order should be removed and they should not be allowed to get another protection order against that person. ...

I disagree. The dynamics of many abusive relationships sometimes works out this way. It is similar to brainwashing and the Stockholm syndrome. This is why two and three decades ago many states changed the domestic violence laws so that the spouse or partnter cannot always drop charges if the DA's office feels there is enough physical evidence it occured.

Definition: The Stockholm Syndrome (SS) is a psychological involuntary state in which victims of kidnapping or abuse begin to feel sympathy, emotional bonding, and solidarity for those who are abusing them or keeping them captive in oppressive situations.
The Stockholm Syndrome was named in 1973 by psychologist Nils Bejerot after the hostage victims of a Stockholm, Sweden robbery and six-day kidnapping resisted being rescued, defended their captors, and refused to testify against them. Two of the women hostages eventually became engaged to the captors.

When victims are under tremendous emotional and physical duress, they may begin to identify with their abusers or captors as a defensive mechanism. The victim develops a strategy of staying alive by keeping the captor happy and eventually sympathizes with the captor. Small acts of kindness on the part of the abuser increases the emotional bond.

Stockholm Syndrome is a common survival mechanism of
captured brides
battered women
physically and/or emotionally abused children
incest victims
prostitutes
cult members
concentration camp prisoners
prisoners of war
those in controlling and/or intimidating relationships
hijacked victims
hostages..It is believed that Patty Hearst and Elizabeth Smart experienced Stockholm Syndrome.

The Stockholm Syndrome

If they are caught together, I see little reason to blame the victim, but the person who the restraining order is against violated a judges order and should be punished for being unlawful. Once the order is issued, it is in the court's hands and a duty of the state, not the other partner's. The other partner can "sue" to have the order changed though.

 

[godsbutterfly]

I filed against my then estranged (now ex) husband and when we got to court the Judge said we just needed to work things out. Next thing I knew I had a drunk man over there with a butcher knife slashing wires and throwing the knife to lodge in the wall. The law told me we were not divorced yet and it was still his house so he could do what he wanted to it as long as the kids and I were not physically hurt.

 

[Kyle]

What are your thoughts on domestic violence. Do you feel that protection orders are too easy to get?

If women would just learn to obey there wouldn't be any need. Geez!

 

[PrchJrkr]

If women would just learn to obey, cover their entire body, and walk 3 steps behind their man, there wouldn't be any need. Geez!

:fixed:

 

[smcop]

What are your thoughts on domestic violence. Do you feel that protection orders are too easy to get? In situations of divorce do you feel that they are used as an advantage for custody. Do you feel domestic violence laws should be changed? Just curious on your thoughts.

I think they are easy to get, the problem is people lie. These are just a temporary solution to an ongoing problem. While there may be some inconvienence for the respondant, the order is temporary until it goes before a judge.

I don't like the alternative which is a person may have no remedy against a person who my be violent towads them. Ultimately though, a protection order is not going to help someone if someone is hell bent on huting their loved one or domestic partner.

 

[smcop]

From what I understand an ex parte restraining order is easy to get, but a full fledged order takes some effort.
Let's face it, a restraining order on a homicidal spouse or former partner will do nothing by itself, but it does work on the spouse or partner that is still in the escalating violence stage and it would also work on the creepy stalkers that just can't stay away trying to "convince" the other to take them back.
The creepy, obsessive stalkers or spurned former partners could be put in jail if they keep coming around violating the order.

Then there is the former partner that just wants to get back at the other by doing stupid crap like keying a car or taking a dump on the front porch in the middle of the night. The order can help quell harrassment too.

Having said this though, restraining orders can be abused. I have heard of a few cases where the wife tries to make life miserable for the husband by filing one because she knows he has to surrender his guns to the police for the duration of the order and it is a PITA to get them back. (no surrender of guns for the ex parte orders as I understand it)

I also understand that restraining orders are abused in child custody cases involving divorce too, but much more often than not it is someone with a legitimate reason and I would rather see the courts err on the side of caution. I have seen and heard of way too many legitimate cases among friends, aquaintances and in the news to feel otherwise.

 

[smcop]

Oh no, I totally agree and I would as well, but I am just saying that that piece of paper may help ward off an overzealous DA from pushing for a charge.

I think from the most part, in So Md. no DA would charge if someone was breaking in.

 

[Pandora]

Novus and somd, good comments!

I think moms/dads need to sit down and discuss with their pre-teen/teen (boys and girls alike) to recognize red flags in their relationships. I hate to sound this way but the truth on a knife is that some in the legal system believe, you laid with them, you made the decision to be with them and have children, you have to suffer and deal with the consequences. I've seen that attitude all too often in the court room when you listen to the he said/she said stuff. Once you sit and talk with men and women alike who have been in bad relationships, the red flags were glossed over, big time. They may even say something like, well, it did bug me at the time but I let it go.

It is all such a tough call, like MMDad said earlier, there is just no easy fix.

 

[JustTheFax]

I think agressive low life attorneys trying to screw the soon to be ex causes some of the violence.

The recent case in Howard County Maryland was the result of a very vicious and contested divorce.

The Attorneys that caused the attack should be charged with a crime.

 

[Bronwyn]

What are your thoughts on domestic violence. Do you feel that protection orders are too easy to get? In situations of divorce do you feel that they are used as an advantage for custody. Do you feel domestic violence laws should be changed? Just curious on your thoughts.

I myself had a Protection from abuse order that was issued in the state of Pa. I cannot speak for the laws in MD, nor can I offer any legal professional opinion. What I can say is that...

1) Protection orders should last longer. When my estranged husband stalked me, rode in my trunk with that knife, climb out in the dead of night, slashing all tires, and held said knife to my throat, he threatened to kill me if I didn't take him back. The judge gave me the state standard 1 year protection order. I personally did NOT feel that the death threat came with an expiration date, so neither should the protection.

2) Protection orders are not as useful as one would hope. If they are willing to break the law, no piece of paper is going to stop them. Sure, the cops may come faster, and have more powers to put him in jail... but dead is dead, and beat up is beat up. Damage is done.

3) Use as a tool in divorce... that is a damn shame if any woman is vile enough to violate a system out there to help real abused women. I can honestly say that I am the only divorced person that I know that had one, and I have many divorced friends. I personally have not seen it falsely used.

4) You ask if they should be harder to get? No. When my husband held that knife to my throat and didn't slice me from ear to ear, what proof did I have that it ever happened? I had to stand there and tell them what happened with zero proof at all. I can't imagine if they had denied me. What he had to have cut my head off for me to prove it? Not all abuse comes in the form of bruises and late night police visits.

JMHO - sorry if my grammer and spelling stink, it is what it is.

 

[smcop]

I think agressive low life attorneys trying to screw the soon to be ex causes some of the violence.

The recent case in Howard County Maryland was the result of a very vicious and contested divorce.

The Attorneys that caused the attack should be charged with a crime.

What case in Howard County?

 

[Ol-man]

What are your thoughts on domestic violence. Do you feel that protection orders are too easy to get? In situations of divorce do you feel that they are used as an advantage for custody. Do you feel domestic violence laws should be changed? Just curious on your thoughts.

I do know that spouses use this tactic against against each other to get one or the other thrown out of the house in a separation or divorce case,even if there has been no previous domestic violence.

 

[angel_lex21]

I feel that protective orders are worthless, especially over here in Calvert.

They are, it is only a piece of paper. I think there should be stricter actions taken to protect the person who is being abused.

 

[angel_lex21]

I have had a protection order in MD it was orginally for 2 weeks then you go back and they issue it for a year. When mine expired the person I had it against threatened me with a gun, called the police and they informed me there was nothing they could do because it expired the day before! My ex-husband got a bogus one on me, saying I threw a candle at him, mind you when we went to court 8 hours later, it got thrown out because he admitted to lieing to get it.

 

[Roxy1104]

My reply is DOMESTIC VIOLENCE FEEDS ON SILENCE.