dumbfounded

[USNavyMike]

Last week my mother passed away in Florida, this week they had services in Florida then flew her to Maryland for services and burial which are Friday and Saturday. My sister and her family drove from FL to Maryland and arrived today at my home. My sister and her family were to see her son and give details about the services and burial. When they arrived at the location to talk with him, he acted like they weren't there, then told my sister that he couldn't attend the services for his grandmother since he has appointments during the time that the services are going on yet he will close his business next week for vacation. He is a tattoo'st. My sister is crushed and dumbfounded by his attitude.
She called me crying to let me know and I too was mystified how someone that was raised so much better could make such decisions and not to mention being the 1st born how he could show so little respect for his grandmother when his grandparents gave so much to him while he was growing up. I truely am sorry but I can't deal with people who are so shallow as this. I have through my life met all types of people but this takes the cake.
I guess im here to vent, but more so I am looking for some solice that I can give my sister. Its hard enough to lose a parent without this type of issue.

thanks

M

 

[BlackSheep]

This is odd??
I posted a responce to USNavyMike and it went POOF!
It wasn't offensive, I expressed my condolances and opinion about his nephew.
There was also another post from another member-that went POOF too.

 

[BlackSheep]

Last week my mother passed away in Florida, this week they had services in Florida then flew her to Maryland for services and burial which are Friday and Saturday. My sister and her family drove from FL to Maryland and arrived today at my home. My sister and her family were to see her son and give details about the services and burial. When they arrived at the location to talk with him, he acted like they weren't there, then told my sister that he couldn't attend the services for his grandmother since he has appointments during the time that the services are going on yet he will close his business next week for vacation. He is a tattoo'st. My sister is crushed and dumbfounded by his attitude.
She called me crying to let me know and I too was mystified how someone that was raised so much better could make such decisions and not to mention being the 1st born how he could show so little respect for his grandmother when his grandparents gave so much to him while he was growing up. I truely am sorry but I can't deal with people who are so shallow as this. I have through my life met all types of people but this takes the cake.
I guess im here to vent, but more so I am looking for some solice that I can give my sister. Its hard enough to lose a parent without this type of issue.

thanks

M

So sorry about the loss of your mother-I know the pain too.
Mike, I think your nephew has a problem-for someone to duck and hide from family, let alone his mama-he got him a problem! And his problem isn't breaking appointments to get some $$ together for vacation!

 

[missperky]

 

[Gwendolyn]

Maybe his way of dealing with it is to keep really busy and ignore it. He probably thinks that will help. My brother wouldn't stop playing video games to attend my grandfather's funeral. He just couldn't deal with it.

I'm one of those #######s that laughs at funerals and other very inappropriate times. Some people just deal with loss differently.

I think funerals are kind of barbaric anyway. You dress up a dead body and cry at it awhile and listen to someone who really didn't know them that well tell their closest friends and relatives about them.

Maybe if you have a wake type thing later he'll attend.

 

[missperky]

Maybe his way of dealing with it is to keep really busy and ignore it. He probably thinks that will help. My brother wouldn't stop playing video games to attend my grandfather's funeral. He just couldn't deal with it.

I'm one of those #######s that laughs at funerals and other very inappropriate times. Some people just deal with loss differently.

I think funerals are kind of barbaric anyway. You dress up a dead body and cry at it awhile and listen to someone who really didn't know them that well tell their closest friends and relatives about them.

Maybe if you have a wake type thing later he'll attend.

I used to laugh at funerals also, and they never bothered me...That was until I lost my dad, totally turns your world around.

And you are right, we all grieve differently.

 

[nanstime]

I just want to say how sorry I am for your loss.I just lost my mom in April.Maybe there is a real close friend who can watch his shop for a few hours,or maybe make a sign for him that reads, CLOSED for a few hours due to death in family.Again I am sorry for your loss

 

[ImnoMensa]

This poor woman just lost a Mother and a son at the same time,since their relationship will never be the same. I dont know how anyone can offer her solice except to say may your Mother rest in peace.

 

[spicy]

This is odd??
I posted a responce to USNavyMike and it went POOF!
It wasn't offensive, I expressed my condolances and opinion about his nephew.
There was also another post from another member-that went POOF too.

Check the parenting and children board

 

[kris31280]

Last week my mother passed away in Florida, this week they had services in Florida then flew her to Maryland for services and burial which are Friday and Saturday. My sister and her family drove from FL to Maryland and arrived today at my home. My sister and her family were to see her son and give details about the services and burial. When they arrived at the location to talk with him, he acted like they weren't there, then told my sister that he couldn't attend the services for his grandmother since he has appointments during the time that the services are going on yet he will close his business next week for vacation. He is a tattoo'st. My sister is crushed and dumbfounded by his attitude.
She called me crying to let me know and I too was mystified how someone that was raised so much better could make such decisions and not to mention being the 1st born how he could show so little respect for his grandmother when his grandparents gave so much to him while he was growing up. I truely am sorry but I can't deal with people who are so shallow as this. I have through my life met all types of people but this takes the cake.
I guess im here to vent, but more so I am looking for some solice that I can give my sister. Its hard enough to lose a parent without this type of issue.

thanks

M

I'm truly sorry for your loss. I lost my grandmother in April. I'm the first born, and I was her favorite, and so I moved heaven and earth to get to her funeral.

That being said, it could be that he's just grieving differently than you. Yes, this was your mother and nothing hurts like that... and so your grieving will be different than his. Perhaps he can't stop his world right now to deal with it because he simply cannot deal with it. Or perhaps he is a cold hearted son of a b***h and just doesn't care.

Either way, it's a funeral and that will always bring the worst out in people. Try to be patient and really think about what your mother would want you to do in this situation. After all, isn't her funeral really her day?

 

[LexiGirl75]

Mike, my prayers go out to you and your family in your time of need.

It seems to me like something more is going on between mom and son if he acted like she wasn't even there. Maybe she wasn't the best person to go and try and deliver the message. Hopefully, he will change his mind. Some people can't see the forest for the trees in the beginning and just need some guidance. I wouldn't think he was being this way in regards to your grandmother's memory but maybe he doesn't really want to be around certain members of the family.

None the lesson my condolences.

 

[ImnoMensa]

I am so sorry for your loss, I can't imagine how you feel, however, my stepson, the looser that he is, did not come to his Grandfathers funeral in April, because his "boyfriend" could not take off work....he took off 5 days. He lives in Maine, we are in Maryland, but he had a free plane ticket to get here. My husband says he will never speak to him again, especially since he called his Grandmother after the funeral for money.....LOOSER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just be happy he is in Maine and didnt bother to use the ticket.

 

[USNavyMike]

Thanks

Thanks to all who wrote with condolances, while we toyed with all the idea's it will be him in the end to have to deal with it. We as a family are strong and with the great friends and family we will survive this. We each must go through seeing our love ones and friends pass away as sooner or later it will be our turn. The best thing to keep in mind is to surround yourselves with those you love, make sure they know it since you never know what will happen next.

thanks again

M

 

[BS Gal]

Thanks to all who wrote with condolances, while we toyed with all the idea's it will be him in the end to have to deal with it. We as a family are strong and with the great friends and family we will survive this. We each must go through seeing our love ones and friends pass away as sooner or later it will be our turn. The best thing to keep in mind is to surround yourselves with those you love, make sure they know it since you never know what will happen next.

thanks again

M

I'm sorry for your loss.

 

[PJumper]

Thanks to all who wrote with condolances, while we toyed with all the idea's it will be him in the end to have to deal with it. We as a family are strong and with the great friends and family we will survive this. We each must go through seeing our love ones and friends pass away as sooner or later it will be our turn. The best thing to keep in mind is to surround yourselves with those you love, make sure they know it since you never know what will happen next.

thanks again

M

Mike,

Don't judge him just yet. There are some people who act differently with the loss of a love one. Some are afraid to show their emotions because it shows their vulnerability, while some are afraid to face the reality that they too, could be in that casket one day.

 

[SoMDGirl42]

Mike,

Sorry for the loss of your mother.

It must be a boy thing. I lost my stepfather in May. My son wouldn't come here for his funeral, but he managed to come the week after to take a girl to the high school prom. Can't explain how they think, if they even do! I know how your sister feels, and it's a beotch! It's bad enough you both have to deal with the loss of your mother, now she'll get to deal with the questions from everyone at the funeral, "where's your son?, why couldn't he make it?" etc, etc. My prayers for you and your sister. And for the boys in our lives that cause heartbreak

 

[missperky]

Mike,

Don't judge him just yet. There are some people who act differently with the loss of a love one. Some are afraid to show their emotions because it shows their vulnerability, while some are afraid to face the reality that they too, could be in that casket one day.

 

[poster]

So sorry for your loss.

I think you've made the best choice. " it will be him in the end to have to deal with it", is so very true. I believe that younger people (men especially) don't always know how to handle themselves and are uncomfortable at funerals. Given this not attending isn't a show of disrespect or nonsupport but an easier solution to handle feelings he doesn't know how or isn't yet willing to deal with. Unfortunately your sister will have to answer the "where's your son" question a thousand times, my suggestion. Don't make excuses just say, "I'm not sure when he'll be here, I haven't heard from him today."

 

[Nanny Pam]

Sorry for your loss.

 

[SLIM]

Mike,

Don't judge him just yet. There are some people who act differently with the loss of a love one. Some are afraid to show their emotions because it shows their vulnerability, while some are afraid to face the reality that they too, could be in that casket one day.

AND...I'm sure there's more to it than everyone knows. When my father died, my oldest brother didn't come to the funeral. Why? Noone knows, but I was going into the cemetary one day as he was coming out. The next time I saw him, he looked at me and I looked at him, started crying, hugged for what seemed a lifetime. No questions asked, no judgments made.

Just give him the benifit of doubt, as hard as it may be.
My condolenses to you and your family........ecspecially your nephew