KingFish
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Subject: EMPLOYEE NOTICE FOR OLD PEOPLE
Due to the current financial catastrophe caused by the slowdown in the
Economy, the Obama Administration has decided to implement a scheme
to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early, mandatory
retirement, thus creating jobs promised in an attempt to reduce
unemployment.
This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the Government to be
considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced
Termination).
Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the
SCREW program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers).
A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as
the Government deems appropriate.
Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for
Dependents & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel
Early Severance).
Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or
SCREWED any further by the Government.
Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much ####
(Special High Intensity Training) as possible. The Government has
always prided itself on the amount of #### it gives our citizens.
Should you feel that you do not receive enough ####, please bring this
to the attention of your Congressional representative, who has been
trained to give you all the #### you can handle.
Sincerely,
The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (E.V.I.L.)
PS - Due to the coming budget cuts and the inevitable rising cost of
electricity, gas and oil, as well as the decline in market conditions,
The Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off at least for
the next four years.
Due to the current financial catastrophe caused by the slowdown in the
Economy, the Obama Administration has decided to implement a scheme
to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early, mandatory
retirement, thus creating jobs promised in an attempt to reduce
unemployment.
This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the Government to be
considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced
Termination).
Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the
SCREW program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers).
A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as
the Government deems appropriate.
Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for
Dependents & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel
Early Severance).
Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or
SCREWED any further by the Government.
Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much ####
(Special High Intensity Training) as possible. The Government has
always prided itself on the amount of #### it gives our citizens.
Should you feel that you do not receive enough ####, please bring this
to the attention of your Congressional representative, who has been
trained to give you all the #### you can handle.
Sincerely,
The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (E.V.I.L.)
PS - Due to the coming budget cuts and the inevitable rising cost of
electricity, gas and oil, as well as the decline in market conditions,
The Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off at least for
the next four years.