Empty Nest Syndrome - Please HELP!

[vraiblonde]

My son just called from Korea and dropped the bomb on us - he's going to ask his gal to marry him. Actually, it wasn't much of a bomb because I just bet Larry last night that Doug would ask Jess to marry him at Christmas.

He's only 20 but I'm satisfied with the reasons he wants to get married. It's not some hormonal thing - she's his best friend and he wants to build a permanent life with her. She's an Army gal, Intel like him, from Allentown, PA, which works because that means her family isn't too far away from us.

My freak out is because I started thinking about him being a married man (my baby! ). Then I started thinking about the next bomb he drops on us - when she gets pregnant and makes us Dodie and Pops. He's already thinking about alternate careers because he doesn't want to raise children in the Army - wants them to graduate high school with kids they went to kindergarten with.

Then I started thinking about my oldest daughter going away to college next year and the middle daughter starting high school this year. It's just all too much for me.

 

[justhangn]

Originally posted by vraiblonde
Then I started thinking about my oldest daughter going away to college next year and the middle daughter starting high school this year. It's just all too much for me.

Damn, you're old.

 

[Elle]

Best of luck to them, sounds like he has a level head on his shoulders, I mean marring her for the right reasons! My baby is only 5 and his girlfriend is planning his wedding too!

 

[Kain99]

It's a rough time! I am already feeling the same pain.

Look at it this way, You've done a fantastic job and raised a responsible, wonderful human being!

Now it's your turn! Go see the world!

 

[jazz lady]

Originally posted by tys_mommy
I mean marring her for the right reasons!

You live in Marlyn, too?

 

[vraiblonde]

Originally posted by justhangn
Damn, you're old.

And I could have a grandbaby in the next couple of years! THAT'S exciting! But what if they live too far away and I never get to see little Jr.? I want them to live right up the street so I can have my grandbaby all to myself sometimes. I want them to be able to call and say, "Hey, we're going to Cancun for a week - can you take little Prunella?" "We're tied up at work - can you pick Horatio up from school?"

 

[jazz lady]

You and my sister are in the same boat, vrai. Her oldest is engaged to be married and will be married next year. She keeps freaking when I mention she's going to be a granny soon. he-he-he...

 

[justhangn]

Originally posted by vraiblonde
And I could have a grandbaby in the next couple of years! THAT'S exciting!

Agreed! I understand, it will suck. I don't know how people live far away from their children, like in a divorce situation.

 

[vraiblonde]

Originally posted by Kain99
Now it's your turn! Go see the world!

I always thought I'd feel that way, but now that it's becoming a reality...I dunno. It's like when Doug was learning to drive - I couldn't WAIT for him to get his license. I was POSITIVE I'd be completely comfortable sending him to the store or making him tote his sisters around. Then, when it happened, I was sick every time he left the house.

 

[vraiblonde]

Originally posted by justhangn
I don't know how people live far away from their children, like in a divorce situation.

I haven't lived within a thousand miles of my parents since I was 18 and got married. And I know my mother has missed out on the kids growing up. It never occurred to me to think about it - but now it's ME!

 

[justhangn]

Originally posted by vraiblonde
I haven't lived within a thousand miles of my parents since I was 18 and got married. And I know my mother has missed out on the kids growing up. It never occurred to me to think about it - but now it's ME!

Now is when your phone will ring and it'll be your mother saying, "uh huh, how do YOU like it"?

 

[watercolor]

Oh Vrai. Congrats! that is wonderful news. But I cant say I comepletely understand what you are going through- but I can see the fear/anticipation/confussion/happiness/excitement/etc behind the post. Im sure its a very hard thing to think your baby is actually grown up enough to think this way. And I know its like one minute you think he is ready and the next minute you are still thinking.. he is a little tyke.. and how come the years flew by with out a blink of the eye.

But.. I wish you much luck in this part of your life....and I think you will make a wonderful Dodie and Pops.

 

[vraiblonde]

Thanks for all your support, guys. *sniff* I've been a mess all day.

 

[Ken King]

Come on, they never leave for good. You already said Doug will be switching careers, guess where they will be while he works that out? College bound one will be back and forth a couple of times. Plus you still have others.

After a month of being child-free I haven't even begun to experience the joy of solitude, looking forward to it. Plus they all are close enough to visit if I do get lonely. Now if I could do something about this work thing.

 

[perdnee]

Oh, I feel for you. I have a 20 year old. Still at home but wants to move out soon on her own. I am already dreading it. I will miss her so much! You have already had to deal with your son being away. What choice do we have.....we'll make it through!

 

[vraiblonde]

Originally posted by perdnee
What choice do we have.....we'll make it through!

That's about the size of it. I remember when I was a teen my Mom would tell anyone who'd listen to her how glad she'd be when I was out on my own. Then when I moved out, she called and came over CONSTANTLY!

 

[grandpa]

Our kids were both home till they were 25, then dad had to tell them to get a life, "you have 90 days to get someplace to live" Things have been great since then. We all get along much better now. We have great dau/son in laws now, and a grandson. Grandma and I have learned a lot about each other since the kids left the nest.
Now retirement is another story. Need to get closer to the kids, and get away from grandma once in a while.

 

[perdnee]

I think you need to also look back through your life at all the times you thought of something you would have liked to have done, but couldn't because you had little ones. Finally time will allow this to happen.....if only I could remember what the heck it was!!!

 

[sleuth]

Vrai, for some reason I woke up this morning with this post in mind. It reminded me of a father's day card I sent to my dad recently.

Since I turned 20, I have turned to my parents on a number of occasions.

-Career advice when I was in college.
-Help moving (numerous times)
-When I began travelling for the first times in my life on my own, that was scary. Guess who I called.
-Job-hunting advice.
-Help when my car would break down and leave me on the side of the road.
-When I graduated college, and I couldn't find work for 10 months, I lived with my mom and stepdad, and my dad hired me on to do odd jobs.
-When I moved out to DC, I didn't have enough money to pay the deposit and first month's rent on an apartment, so I borrowed it from them, and paid them back within 2 months.
-When I had some trouble with my job a couple months ago, I was very afraid I was going to lose it and I didn't know how to deal with it. I called my dad.
-When I had some car trouble and couldn't figure out how to fix it, I called my dad.
-Now that I'm buying a home, talk about scary. I'm about to sign away 20-30 years of my life on a purchase of $150,000. I've called my parents probably a hundred times in the past 3 months to get advice on what kinds of problems I should not be willing to take on, ballpark figures on how much something will cost to fix, etc., and many times just for reassurance that I'm doing something good here.

Even at 25, when it may seem to my parents that I don't need them anymore, it's not true. I still need them, I just need them for different stuff. I sent a card saying that to my dad this past father's day.

And finally, if you haven't heard the song "Then They Do" by Trace Adkins, pick it up. Here's the lyrics.

~
In the early rush of morning...
Trying to get the kids to school...
One's hanging on my shirttail...
Another's locked up in her room...
And I'm yelling up the stairs...
Stop worrying 'bout your hair...
You look fine...

Then they're fightin' in the backseat...
I'm playing referee...
Now someone's gotta go...
The moment that we leave...
And everybody's late...
I swear that I can't wait 'till they grow up...

Then they do...
And that's how it is...
It's just quiet in the morning...
Can't believe how much you miss...
All they do...
And all they did...
You want all the dreams they dreamed of to come true...
Then they do...

Now the youngest is starting college...
She'll be leavin' in the Fall...
And Brianna's latest boyfriend...
Called to ask if we could talk...
And I got the impression...
That he's about to pop the question any day...

I look over at their pictures...
Sittin' in their frames...
I see them as babies...
I guess that'll never change...
You pray all their lives...
That someday they will find happiness...

Then they do...
And that's how it is...
It's just quiet in the morning...
Can't believe how much you miss...
All they do...
And all they did...
You want all the dreams they dreamed of to come true...
Then they do...

No more Monday PTA's...
No carpools...
Or soccer games...
Your work is done...
Now you've got time that's all your own...
You've been waitin' for so long...
For those days to come...

Then they do...
And that's how it is...
It's just quiet in the morning...
Can't believe how much you miss...
All they do...
And all they did...
You want all the dreams...
They dreamed of to come true...
Then they do...
~

 

[Oz]

Originally posted by vraiblonde
Thanks for all your support, guys. *sniff* I've been a mess all day.

Until these things make you:

a) want another one
b) want to adopt one
c) want a puppy

I'd say you've still got it together.