Four kids, two parents...

Larry Gude

Larry Gude

Strung Out
My sibs and I are two pairs; the older two and the younger two.

To this day, us older two still expect our parents to, suddenly, and for the first time in their lives, be our parents, or, our idea of parents anyway. We still get disappointed. We still get our feelings hurt. We still want what we long know just isn't there.

The younger two don't expect a damn thing from them, never get hurt or even annoyed with them and accept them 100% for who they are. No problem whatsoever.

I asked my brother why this is and he said because we're losers.

:lmao:

It CAN'T be THAT simple!? :lmao:

:bawl:
 
Beelzebaby666

Beelzebaby666

Has confinement issues..
Larry Gude said:
My sibs and I are two pairs; the older two and the younger two.

To this day, us older two still expect our parents to, suddenly, and for the first time in their lives, be our parents, or, our idea of parents anyway. We still get disappointed. We still get our feelings hurt. We still want what we long know just isn't there.

The younger two don't expect a damn thing from them, never get hurt or even annoyed with them and accept them 100% for who they are. No problem whatsoever.

I asked my brother why this is and he said because we're losers.

:lmao:

It CAN'T be THAT simple!? :lmao:

:bawl:
Click to expand...

Sounds to me like your parents are the losers:shrug:

:huggy:

My "father" tried the "daddy says so" shiat on me once, I told him he needed to rethink how he had lived his life before giving me tips on how to live mine. :whatever:
 
Larry Gude

Larry Gude

Strung Out
Oh...

Beelzebaby666 said:
Sounds to me like your parents are the losers:shrug:
Click to expand...

...gosh, I'm sure there are far, far worse parents in this world than mine. The thing that just got so damn interesting, out of the blue, was the clear delineation between the younger two of us and us older two. Certainly it's been there for ages, but it just came up recently. It's neat that they are so unburdened by this, so emotionally healthy about it.

My sister is dealing with cancer and she knows her mom is not going to be the one that will be strong for her; little sister will be. She knows dad will be oblivious to much of this and me and bro will be the ones who will be the eternal sunshine, that it will all be fine and joke about it.

For whatever reasons, which I want to learn, the younger two long ago gave up and are realistic and accepting. Us older two are resentful sometimes. It's
an interesting dynamic.
 
Larry Gude

Larry Gude

Strung Out
Ok...

vraiblonde said:
I haven't thought about needing a Mom in a long time. I AM the Mom.
Click to expand...

...I got drunk and jammed until midnight and thought about. Is that what I do? "I want may mommy!!" Is it that simple? I mean, maybe you're right? But isn't it fair to say you're not as at peace with your mom as they are? I wanna be like you and they are; not expecting anything that just isn't there, but I also want their ease and peace of mind about it as well.

???
 
vraiblonde

vraiblonde

Board Mommy
PREMO Member
Patron
Larry Gude said:
Is that what I do? "I want may mommy!!"
Click to expand...

On some level, I think most people "want their mommy" or daddy. That's what I thought you were talking about when you said you wished your parents would be parents: supportive, strong, concerned, mature, acting like you're important to them, etc.

Once you come to the realization that your (not your, personally) parents aren't going to do all that, then you just learn to accept it because it's not going to change and there's nothing you can do about it. Expecting and wishing for things that are never going to happen is a waste of time, in my opinion.

I don't know how it's supposed to work. I just know what I wanted as a kid and what I was lacking, so I try to give that to my kids.
 
Larry Gude

Larry Gude

Strung Out
And that's...

vraiblonde said:
Once you come to the realization that your (not your, personally) parents aren't going to do all that, then you just learn to accept it because it's not going to change and there's nothing you can do about it. Expecting and wishing for things that are never going to happen is a waste of time, in my opinion.
Click to expand...

...what M and P do; Me and K, the last sentence, though we know better.

I had kind of an 'a ha' moment last night when M called me a loser. He was just teasing, but I start thinking about it and what you said about BEING the mom; I am a loser because I seek validation from them that will NOT come. I am what I make me and, for good or not so good, there's nothing they have to add or detract from that anymore. Unless I allow it.

I actually stopped feeling sorry for myself about it about 5 am this morning when it was time to get up; a moment of clarity. Either seek validation from people who will not give it to you and remain forever hopeful that they will change and remain forever wounded that they won't or, like you say, actually understand they simply are not able and quick engaging in juvenile wish-craft.

I just never laid it on my mental table that starkly. So, I'm a loser for being afraid of looking at it for what it is, afraid because I already knew the answer and just didn't want to accept it.

I feel lighter today.

:larry:
 
bcp

bcp

In My Opinion
older or younger is not a problem.

try being middle of three.
sister gets everything because shes older and needs it because yada yada yada.
then little brother comes along, natrually the youngest needs everything because hes the baby, but we still cant forget about the oldest who needs everything because yada yada yada...

sucked to be in the middle.
 
camily

camily

Peace
bcp said:
older or younger is not a problem.

try being middle of three.
sister gets everything because shes older and needs it because yada yada yada.
then little brother comes along, natrually the youngest needs everything because hes the baby, but we still cant forget about the oldest who needs everything because yada yada yada...

sucked to be in the middle.
Click to expand...

Sing it brotha'. I'm a middle of three as well.
 
vraiblonde

vraiblonde

Board Mommy
PREMO Member
Patron
Larry Gude said:
...what M and P do; Me and K, the last sentence, though we know better.
Click to expand...

I think people who have a strong network of close friends don't feel the need for a parent as much. Or maybe they develop good friends because they need that support. Chicken and egg, but that seems to be a common theme with those who lament their lack of parenting and those who don't.
 
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