Four kids, two parents...

[Larry Gude]

Good...

I think people who have a strong network of close friends don't feel the need for a parent as much. Or maybe they develop good friends because they need that support. Chicken and egg, but that seems to be a common theme with those who lament their lack of parenting and those who don't.

...point because they, and you, have lots of good friends. I just have my guitars, guns and beer. And big screen.

Hmmm...gonna have to reflect on that one...hmmm....

 

[camily]

...has a mom. Her mom isn't perfect either, but is a positive part of her life. What she is saying is adults don't look to to their parents anymore because they are now adults themselves.

I was being facetious.

 

[camily]

...point because they, and you, have lots of good friends. I just have my guitars, guns and beer. And big screen.

Hmmm...gonna have to reflect on that one...hmmm....

Isn't that a Dwight Yoakam song?

 

[toppick08]

Isn't that a Dwight Yoakam song?

 

[camily]

That's the one!

 

[Chain729]

My sibs and I are two pairs; the older two and the younger two.

To this day, us older two still expect our parents to, suddenly, and for the first time in their lives, be our parents, or, our idea of parents anyway. We still get disappointed. We still get our feelings hurt. We still want what we long know just isn't there.

The younger two don't expect a damn thing from them, never get hurt or even annoyed with them and accept them 100% for who they are. No problem whatsoever.

I asked my brother why this is and he said because we're losers.



It CAN'T be THAT simple!?

IMO, not saying I'm right though, but it appears kinda obvious: The older WERE the parents. Let me guess, your parents in your eyes weren't there for you growing up and the older two ended up taking care of the younger two? So, the older two had nothing but themselves, whereas the younger two had the older two to depend on. The younger ones never missed "having parents" because their older sibling were always right there for them. :shrug:

 

[camily]

IMO, not saying I'm right though, but it appears kinda obvious: The older WERE the parents. Let me guess, your parents in your eyes weren't there for you growing up and the older two ended up taking care of the younger two? So, the older two had nothing but themselves, whereas the younger two had the older two to depend on. The younger ones never missed "having parents" because their older sibling were always right there for them. :shrug:

The doctor is in.

 

[Larry Gude]

Well...

IMO, not saying I'm right though, but it appears kinda obvious: The older WERE the parents. Let me guess, your parents in your eyes weren't there for you growing up and the older two ended up taking care of the younger two? So, the older two had nothing but themselves, whereas the younger two had the older two to depend on. The younger ones never missed "having parents" because their older sibling were always right there for them. :shrug:

...the folks split, I was 12. For a time, the older sister tried to be the mom and that went out by 13 or when dad moved on with his life and got a girlfriend and rushed her in. At that point it became everyone for their self.

No noble story of courage and resolve here.

 

[Chain729]

...the folks split, I was 12. For a time, the older sister tried to be the mom and that went out by 13 or when dad moved on with his life and got a girlfriend and rushed her in. At that point it became everyone for their self.

No noble story of courage and resolve here.

Guess I was wrong on that one. I figured it might've been a similar environment to what my father and his siblings went through. :shrug:

Could it be that the younger one's were just young to adapt quicker and to them that's just the way it always was? :shrug:

 

[Chain729]

The doctor is in.

I'm just adding food for thought. I'm not one of those idgits that's going to pretend I know his life better than he does.

 

[camily]

I'm just adding food for thought. I'm not one of those idgits that's going to pretend I know his life better than he does.

I thought it was great insight. Do you have appointments available?

 

[Larry Gude]

It seems...

Guess I was wrong on that one. I figured it might've been a similar environment to what my father and his siblings went through. :shrug:

Could it be that the younger one's were just young to adapt quicker and to them that's just the way it always was? :shrug:

...to me that it was a matter of environment. Older sis and me knew a time when it was mom and dad and kids and that's what life was. Every day. I was in 6th grade before I knew anyone else whose folks were split. It was just unheard of for kids in my town in the early/mid 70's.

The younger two grew up without that 'stability'. They were so young that the the only thing they knew as they became aware was individuals that were stable and individuals that were not and who was and was not their friend. They were NEVER in search of something that never existed for them. They were never taught that moms and dads go together and that's the way it is.

So, I think you got it.

 

[Beelzebaby666]

...gosh, I'm sure there are far, far worse parents in this world than mine. The thing that just got so damn interesting, out of the blue, was the clear delineation between the younger two of us and us older two. Certainly it's been there for ages, but it just came up recently. It's neat that they are so unburdened by this, so emotionally healthy about it.

My sister is dealing with cancer and she knows her mom is not going to be the one that will be strong for her; little sister will be. She knows dad will be oblivious to much of this and me and bro will be the ones who will be the eternal sunshine, that it will all be fine and joke about it.

For whatever reasons, which I want to learn, the younger two long ago gave up and are realistic and accepting. Us older two are resentful sometimes. It's
an interesting dynamic.

I'm sure your parents were capable, you seem to have come out of childhood with your head attached. I was making a remark on what your sibling had said.
Do you think that, because some parents tend to be more lax with their children as they are born, that your younger sibs are less affected because they didn't have the attention or nurturing you and your other older sib?

They may not care because your folks had relaxed by the time they were born and they don't share that bond or that connection:shrug:

Birth order and the number of children in the family can affect the individual child as much as the parents can. IMO My experience is the flip side of yours.
I am the oldest and was a very independent child and not at all in to hugs pr personal contact. My brother was the mama's boy type as a child and clung to my mom. Now we are the opposite, I am very close to my mom and my brother is estranged from her. Perhaps because of the way my mom parented or the interaction between the three of us, we were molded in to our adult selves. I am now the clingy one in spite of how I was a child.

Perhaps my kids will be the same way when they are grown because my kids mirror the way my brother and I were as kids. My oldest is far removed from the relationship I have with my "baby boy" and I never quite understood why:shrug:

 

[Chain729]

I thought it was great insight. Do you have appointments available?

I'd make a great psychologist if it wasn't for two things:

1. I'm stubborn and don't always want to believe when I'm wrong. It's compounded by the fact that I have a hard time trusting people.

2. I'm not the most compassionate.

But you're welcome to PM me if you want to talk.

...to me that it was a matter of environment. Older sis and me knew a time when it was mom and dad and kids and that's what life was. Every day. I was in 6th grade before I knew anyone else whose folks were split. It was just unheard of for kids in my town in the early/mid 70's.

The younger two grew up without that 'stability'. They were so young that the the only thing they knew as they became aware was individuals that were stable and individuals that were not and who was and was not their friend. They were NEVER in search of something that never existed for them. They were never taught that moms and dads go together and that's the way it is.

So, I think you got it.

That would be the long answer of what I usually see from divorced families. The younger kids tend to come out better, faster.

I'm sure your parents were capable, you seem to have come out of childhood with your head attached. I was making a remark on what your sibling had said.
Do you think that, because some parents tend to be more lax with their children as they are born, that your younger sibs are less affected because they didn't have the attention or nurturing you and your other older sib?

They may not care because your folks had relaxed by the time they were born and they don't share that bond or that connection:shrug:

Birth order and the number of children in the family can affect the individual child as much as the parents can. IMO My experience is the flip side of yours.
I am the oldest and was a very independent child and not at all in to hugs pr personal contact. My brother was the mama's boy type as a child and clung to my mom. Now we are the opposite, I am very close to my mom and my brother is estranged from her. Perhaps because of the way my mom parented or the interaction between the three of us, we were molded in to our adult selves. I am now the clingy one in spite of how I was a child.

Perhaps my kids will be the same way when they are grown because my kids mirror the way my brother and I were as kids. My oldest is far removed from the relationship I have with my "baby boy" and I never quite understood why:shrug:

I'm sure you'd love to know why, but I wouldn't concern myself with it too much. Everybody and hence every relationship, though there are a number of similarities, tend to be different. It's just the way it is.