sleuth
Livin' Like Thanksgivin'
My parents divorced when I was 16, after my mother having learned a year earlier that my dad had an affair lasting 2 years.
During the year that my parents stayed together and tried to save the marriage after finding out, I learned what a weak person my dad was. This was a man that I had worshipped, and as a boy always does, I had put him on a pedestal. Well, he was doomed to come crashing down sometime.
But the way he came crashing down is what got me. He became vengeful, spiteful, manipulative. He turned to alcohol, quit going to work, and began stalking my mother. And one evening, about 6 months after the divorce, when I wouldn't tell him where my mother was (she was on a date), he disowned me as his son. This behavior continued for awhile longer, until he made a suicide attempt, and I was forced to sign a form to commit him to the Hamilton Center for a week.
After that, things calmed down. But seeing the way that he fought his child support, and his agreements about paying for half my college made me realize, as I got older, that this man was not someone who lived up to his word, and he wasn't someone that I could trust. I ended up paying my last 3 years of college virtually by myself because I didn't want to start a family battle every time the bill came. I was better for it. Although, the last semester I came up short, and I asked my dad to help out with the funds. I was going to get a $5000 loan, and I asked if he could pay back a portion of it. He said yes, and 3 years after graduation, I haven't seen a dime.
I've forgiven him, I think. I just learned to accept him for all that he can be. We go golfing together. We spend holidays together and go to an occasional family cookout on that side of the family. I've learned to look at him as an activity partner rather than a parent or a dad, and it makes our relationship civil that way. He's also a helpful advisor when it comes to things like my car and my home improvements. And I respect him for his knowledge and experience in these areas.
I don't respect him as a person though. I've learned that our values and morals are at opposite ends of the spectrum, and there's always a flash or two that I'm still right about that.
Only a year or two ago, I went out to a bar to have a drink with my dad. First time ever. Well, he got plastered, then he wanted to drive me home, and I refused. I began walking, and he got beligerent (sp?) and once more proceeded to verbally abuse me, his son. This stuff.. never gets any less painful when he does it.
Maybe one day he'll understand why we aren't as close as we used to be. In the meantime, I tolerate him, because he's my dad, and I wait and pray for that day when he finds meaning in life, whether it be through religion or something else, and truly realizes all that he's done to his son.
During the year that my parents stayed together and tried to save the marriage after finding out, I learned what a weak person my dad was. This was a man that I had worshipped, and as a boy always does, I had put him on a pedestal. Well, he was doomed to come crashing down sometime.
But the way he came crashing down is what got me. He became vengeful, spiteful, manipulative. He turned to alcohol, quit going to work, and began stalking my mother. And one evening, about 6 months after the divorce, when I wouldn't tell him where my mother was (she was on a date), he disowned me as his son. This behavior continued for awhile longer, until he made a suicide attempt, and I was forced to sign a form to commit him to the Hamilton Center for a week.
After that, things calmed down. But seeing the way that he fought his child support, and his agreements about paying for half my college made me realize, as I got older, that this man was not someone who lived up to his word, and he wasn't someone that I could trust. I ended up paying my last 3 years of college virtually by myself because I didn't want to start a family battle every time the bill came. I was better for it. Although, the last semester I came up short, and I asked my dad to help out with the funds. I was going to get a $5000 loan, and I asked if he could pay back a portion of it. He said yes, and 3 years after graduation, I haven't seen a dime.
I've forgiven him, I think. I just learned to accept him for all that he can be. We go golfing together. We spend holidays together and go to an occasional family cookout on that side of the family. I've learned to look at him as an activity partner rather than a parent or a dad, and it makes our relationship civil that way. He's also a helpful advisor when it comes to things like my car and my home improvements. And I respect him for his knowledge and experience in these areas.
I don't respect him as a person though. I've learned that our values and morals are at opposite ends of the spectrum, and there's always a flash or two that I'm still right about that.
Only a year or two ago, I went out to a bar to have a drink with my dad. First time ever. Well, he got plastered, then he wanted to drive me home, and I refused. I began walking, and he got beligerent (sp?) and once more proceeded to verbally abuse me, his son. This stuff.. never gets any less painful when he does it.
Maybe one day he'll understand why we aren't as close as we used to be. In the meantime, I tolerate him, because he's my dad, and I wait and pray for that day when he finds meaning in life, whether it be through religion or something else, and truly realizes all that he's done to his son.
) as a "Disney Dad". My mom had the brunt of the bs and responsibility with raising me while my dad was the "hero" because if I wanted a new jacket, or a new stereo, he was the one to get me whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. One thing I can say about my dad though, was that he always stood behind my mother when she was kicking my azz, and I knew how far I could push my mom before getting my dad involved to put the smackdown on me. 
My dad was a very loving father, until he and my mom split. Then my brother and I were put on the back burner. He lived 2 and a half hours away, and we hardly ever saw him. He would blow us off for whatever woman he was dating at the time, and my mom had to pick up the pieces. I have continually been screwed over by my father, financially, emotionally, you name it, since I was 11 years old. I'm over it. I've learned to realize that my dad is who he is. You can't sugar coat it, and no one can help you come to the realization, nor can they heal the wounds caused by years of heartache. At 22, I have a mediocre relationship with my father. He's retired from the Navy, and moved back to his hometown in Tennessee. He is on his third marriage, to a wonderful woman whom I adore. Even so, I rarely see him (unless it's a holiday or I go to visit him), and it's been months since I've even talked to him on the phone. I love my father, very much. All of the bad does not outweigh the good, but I cannot depend on him for anything, and I'm okay with that.