ArkRescue
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Horse Gaits - Performed by Extra-Gaited Horses (I am unsure of the author)
--The Boink
One-beat gait with suspension, often exhibited by horses ridden into a
field of white-tailed deer.
--The Lateral Swoop
A sudden sideways leap with shoulder horizontal to the ground, leaving the
rider hovering briefly over where the saddle used to be before descending
to the ground. Can be precipitated by a tractor starting up outside the
arena, snow sliding off the arena roof, a large rock that magically turns
into a bear or a green plastic garbage bag.
--The Whirling Dervish
Advanced version of the Lateral Swoop in which the horse spins like a top,
frequently launching the hapless rider a long distance by centrifugal
force. Specialty of certain Arabians, often caused by
viewing a 4-wheeler approaching on the trail ahead.
--The Yahooey
One of the natural Airs Above the Ground, a highly suspended movement
exhibited when turned out or during the first canter in an open field. A
variation is the Jet-Assisted Buck & Fart, in which the horse achieves
maximum height and momentum aided by the loud expulsion of exhaust gas.
Occurs on cold, windy days when the wind goes up the horse's tail and blows
his brains out his ears.
--The Omigod
Sudden backwards movement accompanied by loud, rolling snorts, ears stiffly
forward and eyes bugging out, exhibited by a horse that has spotted a
monster (invisible to the human eye) advancing on him from the front. Can
be precipitated in visible form by riding up to a large blue tarp, which
the wind then moves slightly.
--The Hot Wheels
Speed gait in which all four legs rotate at high speed, often leaving
rubber strips on the ground. Frequently exhibited by runaway ponies,
rushing jumpers and horses returning to the barn.
--The Shark Circling the Rowboat
Characteristic movement of lesson horse in ever-decreasing concentric
circles around the instructor, until the horse is in the center standing on
the instructor's left foot and further progress is impossible. (Old school
horses tell new school horses how to do this.)
--The Sloth
Typical gait of school horse who has perfected the art of laziness. No
perceptible forward movement, in spite of encouraging kicks, clucks,
flapping reins, ineffective crop swats, shouts and jumping up and down.
(Note: the Sloth can be transformed into Hot Wheels by the sight of the
instructor advancing with lunge whip in hand.)
--The Flapper
Movement in which the horse shakes like a wet dog, totally terrifying the
beginner rider. Horse then grins an evil grin and eats grass.
--The Wallow
Rotational movement performed on the ground, especially in mud, sand or
water. Always performed when the instructor is at the other end of the
trail ride or not looking.
--Followed by the Upsie Daisy
Which always occurs before the arrival of the instructor. Horse perfects
the Wallow by rolling in mud, sand or water, usually defiling the purity of
the perfectly clean saddle regardless of screams.
--The Snail Rocket
The two walking gaits of experienced trail horses on the trail. Going out,
the walk is so snail-like, time perceptibly slows. Coming back, trotting
horses can barely keep up with the rocket walk. Essentially,
horses perfectly understand physical law; the speed of the walk is directly
proportional to the direction on the trail.
--The Bobber
Gait which old experienced trail horses proceed with child or beginner on
back. Walk a few feet, stop, horse pulls reins through hands of beginning
rider and eats grass. Repeat 50 times.
--The Boink
One-beat gait with suspension, often exhibited by horses ridden into a
field of white-tailed deer.
--The Lateral Swoop
A sudden sideways leap with shoulder horizontal to the ground, leaving the
rider hovering briefly over where the saddle used to be before descending
to the ground. Can be precipitated by a tractor starting up outside the
arena, snow sliding off the arena roof, a large rock that magically turns
into a bear or a green plastic garbage bag.
--The Whirling Dervish
Advanced version of the Lateral Swoop in which the horse spins like a top,
frequently launching the hapless rider a long distance by centrifugal
force. Specialty of certain Arabians, often caused by
viewing a 4-wheeler approaching on the trail ahead.
--The Yahooey
One of the natural Airs Above the Ground, a highly suspended movement
exhibited when turned out or during the first canter in an open field. A
variation is the Jet-Assisted Buck & Fart, in which the horse achieves
maximum height and momentum aided by the loud expulsion of exhaust gas.
Occurs on cold, windy days when the wind goes up the horse's tail and blows
his brains out his ears.
--The Omigod
Sudden backwards movement accompanied by loud, rolling snorts, ears stiffly
forward and eyes bugging out, exhibited by a horse that has spotted a
monster (invisible to the human eye) advancing on him from the front. Can
be precipitated in visible form by riding up to a large blue tarp, which
the wind then moves slightly.
--The Hot Wheels
Speed gait in which all four legs rotate at high speed, often leaving
rubber strips on the ground. Frequently exhibited by runaway ponies,
rushing jumpers and horses returning to the barn.
--The Shark Circling the Rowboat
Characteristic movement of lesson horse in ever-decreasing concentric
circles around the instructor, until the horse is in the center standing on
the instructor's left foot and further progress is impossible. (Old school
horses tell new school horses how to do this.)
--The Sloth
Typical gait of school horse who has perfected the art of laziness. No
perceptible forward movement, in spite of encouraging kicks, clucks,
flapping reins, ineffective crop swats, shouts and jumping up and down.
(Note: the Sloth can be transformed into Hot Wheels by the sight of the
instructor advancing with lunge whip in hand.)
--The Flapper
Movement in which the horse shakes like a wet dog, totally terrifying the
beginner rider. Horse then grins an evil grin and eats grass.
--The Wallow
Rotational movement performed on the ground, especially in mud, sand or
water. Always performed when the instructor is at the other end of the
trail ride or not looking.
--Followed by the Upsie Daisy
Which always occurs before the arrival of the instructor. Horse perfects
the Wallow by rolling in mud, sand or water, usually defiling the purity of
the perfectly clean saddle regardless of screams.
--The Snail Rocket
The two walking gaits of experienced trail horses on the trail. Going out,
the walk is so snail-like, time perceptibly slows. Coming back, trotting
horses can barely keep up with the rocket walk. Essentially,
horses perfectly understand physical law; the speed of the walk is directly
proportional to the direction on the trail.
--The Bobber
Gait which old experienced trail horses proceed with child or beginner on
back. Walk a few feet, stop, horse pulls reins through hands of beginning
rider and eats grass. Repeat 50 times.