House cleaning indoctrination...

[kwillia]

The obvious problem with that is that then she'll have to either live in a pig sty or do all chores herself.

My girlfriend actually tried this with her husband years ago. She went on "strike" and refused to do dishes, laundry, clean the house, etc because she felt that if he wasn't doing any housework, neither was she.

She didn't last 4 days. And they're no longer married.

You overstepped what I said.... my technique works because she can chose what she can and can't "stand" to do without. Example, she can keep a clean house without also having to wash his dirty clothes. I'm not saying she should "play games" or "go on strike" with the hopes of changing him. I'm saying she has the ablility to NOT DO things for him that she resents doing. If she is responsible for getting herself ready in the morning, and the kids and taking the dogs out, etc. she does not have to fit cooking him breakfast and setting the coffee machine into that schedule. :shrug:

 

[vraiblonde]

You overstepped what I said.... my technique works because she can chose what she can and can't "stand" to do without. Example, she can keep a clean house without also having to wash his dirty clothes. I'm not saying she should "play games" or "go on strike" with the hopes of changing him. I'm saying she has the ablility to NOT DO things for him that she resents doing. If she is responsible for getting herself ready in the morning, and the kids and taking the dogs out, etc. she does not have to fit cooking him breakfast and setting the coffee machine into that schedule. :shrug:

I'm telling you - this doesn't work. So if she's making breakfast for herself and the kids and he says, "Hey, can you make me some, too?" she's just supposed to say no? Or if she makes a pot of coffee for herself, he can't have any? She only makes enough dinner for her and the kids?

The best you get out of that is not doing his laundry. She's still going to be picking up after him, unless she wants to live with his crap all over the place. She still has to care for the dogs, the home and the kids by herself.

 

[kwillia]

I'm telling you - this doesn't work. So if she's making breakfast for herself and the kids and he says, "Hey, can you make me some, too?" she's just supposed to say no? Or if she makes a pot of coffee for herself, he can't have any? She only makes enough dinner for her and the kids?

Not at all what I'm saying... of course she would include him in those situations. But if the example is more of the line that the kids eat breakfast at daycare, she most certainly shouldn't be expected to fit him in as if he was a dependent.

The best you get out of that is not doing his laundry. She's still going to be picking up after him, unless she wants to live with his crap all over the place. She still has to care for the dogs, the home and the kids by herself.

It's a start. It's also an eye opener for him. There are also other little things she can eliminate from her list that will add up... AND the kids are getting older each day and their responsibilities should be increasing with age. In most cases where the woman just says 'F' it and let's the hubby treat her like a glorified maid... she most likely ends up letting the kids treat her that way as well. If she enables the hubby and kids to take advantage of her... it's her fault as much as it is theirs.

 

[Cowgirl]

I'm telling you - this doesn't work. So if she's making breakfast for herself and the kids and he says, "Hey, can you make me some, too?" she's just supposed to say no? Or if she makes a pot of coffee for herself, he can't have any? She only makes enough dinner for her and the kids?

The best you get out of that is not doing his laundry. She's still going to be picking up after him, unless she wants to live with his crap all over the place. She still has to care for the dogs, the home and the kids by herself.

Kwillia gave me some advice a while back...and I took it. I was doing laundry, and asked BF to put the clothes away after I folded them. I was also doing dishes, vacumning, etc at the time, so it wasn't like I was being lazy. He would never put the laundry away.... So, we re-evaluated things, and now he does the dishes and I do the laundry and vacumning, etc. At first I told him I would unload the dish drainer to help him out, and said I'd put his underwear and socks away (because he has certain ways of hanging or putting away his pants and shirts). I finally realized that I was doing too much for him, and told him he could unload the dish drainer by himself, and I said I'd put his laundry in the bedroom, but he can put it all where it belongs.

It works out pretty well now. Sometimes I take a day or two to put the laundry away after I fold it blushing and sometimes he takes a day or two or ten to wash the dishes.

:shrug: But hey, I don't stress about chores anymore.

 

[kwillia]

Kwillia gave me some advice a while back...and I took it. I was doing laundry, and asked BF to put the clothes away after I folded them. I was also doing dishes, vacumning, etc at the time, so it wasn't like I was being lazy. He would never put the laundry away.... So, we re-evaluated things, and now he does the dishes and I do the laundry and vacumning, etc. At first I told him I would unload the dish drainer to help him out, and said I'd put his underwear and socks away (because he has certain ways of hanging or putting away his pants and shirts). I finally realized that I was doing too much for him, and told him he could unload the dish drainer by himself, and I said I'd put his laundry in the bedroom, but he can put it all where it belongs.

It works out pretty well now. Sometimes I take a day or two to put the laundry away after I fold it blushing and sometimes he takes a day or two or ten to wash the dishes.

:shrug: But hey, I don't stress about chores anymore.

That's the ticket! It doesn't have to be a "game" or a "battle"... relationships should not have to resort to those things to be successful. It just takes a person to come to the realization that sometimes they are enabling the behavior that frustrates them most in their partner (or kid as the case may be).

 

[vraiblonde]

But hey, I don't stress about chores anymore.

Me either

 

[bcp]

I just buy a new house and all new stuff when it gets dirty.