libertytyranny - I spent about a quarter of an adult life deejaying people's wedding ceremonies and wedding receptions. I had a great time doing it, it was pretty neat getting to share so many of those kinds of occasions with so many different people. Based on those experiences, and on meeting with so many brides-to-be and grooms-to-be in order to plan their receptions, I'd say three things in response to your question.
First, people went about things in all kinds of ways. Sometimes I did receptions weeks or months after the couple had actually been married, more often it was right after the actual marriage. Sometimes the ceremonies and receptions were kinda mixed together, more often they were distinct events. And the way people did the ceremonies and the receptions differed in a lot of other ways. Regardless, they almost always ended up being cool in some way - in their own ways. And I say that even though 90% of the time I was just a hired outsider, I didn't have a close connection to most of the participants.
Second, people love parties. And a marriage is the ultimate excuse to have a party. That's a reality that remains true whether the party immediately follows the legal marriage or takes place months later. All the traditions and anticipated rituals of wedding receptions aside, the real connection between the actual marriage and the wedding reception is little more than that - the former is an excuse to have the latter. That, and the latter helps create memories associated with the former. When it comes to those memories, 20 years later I suspect they'll still feel like your wedding memories whether they were created 3 hours after your legal marriage or 3 months later.
Third, too many people spend too much time and endure too much angst worrying about what others will think of the way they choose to do things. That's especially true when it comes to people's weddings. Far too often I saw people doing things they didn't want to do, on their wedding days, because other people expected them to do things certain ways. It's your wedding, do things the way you and your husband want (or need) to do them. Then they'll be two kinds of people: Those that are happy for you, and happy to be a part of the occasion, regardless, and those whose opinions you shouldn't worry much about.
So... my opinion... do things so that they feel right to you and your husband or however works best for you guys. You're throwing a party. It's a party for a special reason and with some ritualistic ceremony involved, yes, but it's still a party. If some of your friends or family don't like the party you throw or when you throw it, that's their problem.
) then why not just have an extravagant reception at a later date? You could still go all out with an awesome dress, the cake, the garter, etc. but you wouldn't be having them sit through a faux marriage...:shrug:
It is understood that you will remain married only as long as you love each other, but tacky to just come out and say so at your wedding. More optimistic to say "until death do us part".
