H
HouseCat
Guest
In view of last nights events at the All County Choir concert, I've decided to post an informational guide for those of you who may not know how to act at your children's concerts and events. There are no doubt a lot more performances coming up, so now is your chance to learn how to act at such events with dignity before you embarrass yourself and your kids.
#1. If the handout or playbill has instructions on how to act, FOLLOW THEM. They're there so everyone can enjoy the show. They apply to YOU.. YOU are no exception. I don't care if you have to have that close-up picture of your precious flower... you're being an idiot if you break them, so behave.
#2. Sit your fat a$$ down. I don't care if your hip hurts. Standing through the entire intermission so your ornately large ass is in our faces is extremely rude. I understand if you need to stretch, so do it and then sit the heck back down, Jabba. We didn't need to see that you wear 44/30 in Wranglers, but we did.
#3. SHUT THE FECK UP. It must be some sort of joke from Mother Nature to make sure that the people with the loudest voices which carry for miles to be the idiots who can't STFU for 5 seconds. Whisper if you must, but be mindful of others around you and know that we don't want to hear all of the BS that happened to you during the last week. That goes for rustling your papers, digging in your purse, fiddling around with miscellaneous crap and keeping your misbehaving delinquints in line as well.
#4. Don't grab the coat that's been sitting in the closet filled with mothballs, Grandma. Please... I almost went into convulsions last night when you sat down next to me. You were nice and I enjoyed the idle chit-chat, but I had to take Benadryl last night for Hives from sitting next to you. That, and moth balls are so 1960s... wtf. At least spray some White Diamonds or Charlie on that mess before you go out.
#5. A chorus/orchestra/play concert is not the same as a rock concert. You are not supposed to hoot and holler, "Go Jesseeee!" like Jesse is up to bat, or at the 5 yard line about to make a touchdown. Jesse is trying to sing and your redneck/hillbilly distractions are irritating to the other civilized folks trying to enjoy this event. Not to mention, Jesse is now scarred for life due to embarrassment of your behavior.
#6. Turn your MF cell phone and iTunes games off when the lights go down and the concert begins. If you didn't want to go to the concert, sit in your stupid truck and wait till it is over. Lastly, do your kids a favor and let someone else adopt them who will give them the undivided respect and attention they deserve during their performance.
#7. Standing up and waving to get the attention of your child is really idiotic and disrespectful to the other parents sitting down behind you. Are you suffering from separation anxiety so much that you can't wait an hour for your child to see you? They know you're going to be in the audience. They're trying to concentrate on their performance, and/or not trip on the steps and you're hollering like a damn banshee to get their attention. STFU and sit down Bubba.
#8. Wearing sweat pants and a stained T-shirt to a concert is a great way to show your kid how to dress for formal events-NOT! Put on some jeans and a nice, clean T-shirt at least. WTF... you're not running into Walmart to get TP and light bulbs, you're at your kid's concert. Show that you have some inkling of self respect and dignity next time.
#9. If you have some sort of illness that is going to attract undesirable attention to you during the performance, it's probably a good idea to stay home. Little Susie will understand and no doubt doesn't want to hear you gagging on the buzzard dumplings that you're coughing up during the performance. I don't want the Plague either, so make arrangements for someone to get the concert DVD and sit this one out. You won't lose any parenting points if you're really sick.
#10. Don't bring a screaming baby in to a concert! Take that thing out in the hall if it's colicky or needs a diaper changed. Again.. you won't lose parenting points, and everyone will appreciate the quiet. The longer you keep it in the concert disturbing the peace, the more I'm hoping it throws up in your hair and squirts a juicy, mustard-poop down your nice coat.
Have a great Holiday and behave your selves.
#1. If the handout or playbill has instructions on how to act, FOLLOW THEM. They're there so everyone can enjoy the show. They apply to YOU.. YOU are no exception. I don't care if you have to have that close-up picture of your precious flower... you're being an idiot if you break them, so behave.
#2. Sit your fat a$$ down. I don't care if your hip hurts. Standing through the entire intermission so your ornately large ass is in our faces is extremely rude. I understand if you need to stretch, so do it and then sit the heck back down, Jabba. We didn't need to see that you wear 44/30 in Wranglers, but we did.
#3. SHUT THE FECK UP. It must be some sort of joke from Mother Nature to make sure that the people with the loudest voices which carry for miles to be the idiots who can't STFU for 5 seconds. Whisper if you must, but be mindful of others around you and know that we don't want to hear all of the BS that happened to you during the last week. That goes for rustling your papers, digging in your purse, fiddling around with miscellaneous crap and keeping your misbehaving delinquints in line as well.
#4. Don't grab the coat that's been sitting in the closet filled with mothballs, Grandma. Please... I almost went into convulsions last night when you sat down next to me. You were nice and I enjoyed the idle chit-chat, but I had to take Benadryl last night for Hives from sitting next to you. That, and moth balls are so 1960s... wtf. At least spray some White Diamonds or Charlie on that mess before you go out.
#5. A chorus/orchestra/play concert is not the same as a rock concert. You are not supposed to hoot and holler, "Go Jesseeee!" like Jesse is up to bat, or at the 5 yard line about to make a touchdown. Jesse is trying to sing and your redneck/hillbilly distractions are irritating to the other civilized folks trying to enjoy this event. Not to mention, Jesse is now scarred for life due to embarrassment of your behavior.
#6. Turn your MF cell phone and iTunes games off when the lights go down and the concert begins. If you didn't want to go to the concert, sit in your stupid truck and wait till it is over. Lastly, do your kids a favor and let someone else adopt them who will give them the undivided respect and attention they deserve during their performance.
#7. Standing up and waving to get the attention of your child is really idiotic and disrespectful to the other parents sitting down behind you. Are you suffering from separation anxiety so much that you can't wait an hour for your child to see you? They know you're going to be in the audience. They're trying to concentrate on their performance, and/or not trip on the steps and you're hollering like a damn banshee to get their attention. STFU and sit down Bubba.
#8. Wearing sweat pants and a stained T-shirt to a concert is a great way to show your kid how to dress for formal events-NOT! Put on some jeans and a nice, clean T-shirt at least. WTF... you're not running into Walmart to get TP and light bulbs, you're at your kid's concert. Show that you have some inkling of self respect and dignity next time.
#9. If you have some sort of illness that is going to attract undesirable attention to you during the performance, it's probably a good idea to stay home. Little Susie will understand and no doubt doesn't want to hear you gagging on the buzzard dumplings that you're coughing up during the performance. I don't want the Plague either, so make arrangements for someone to get the concert DVD and sit this one out. You won't lose any parenting points if you're really sick.
#10. Don't bring a screaming baby in to a concert! Take that thing out in the hall if it's colicky or needs a diaper changed. Again.. you won't lose parenting points, and everyone will appreciate the quiet. The longer you keep it in the concert disturbing the peace, the more I'm hoping it throws up in your hair and squirts a juicy, mustard-poop down your nice coat.
Have a great Holiday and behave your selves.
Didn't you know that those of us with our "ornately large asses" are sensitive.
and just another 10 reasons I am sooooo glad I am done with kids in school..
