Instilling gratitude in your children

[Moved_south]

My son is 8. He is an only child. My husband and I both work very hard and often deny ourselves things so that our child may have the things that he wants and needs, like almost any parents that I know. I am discovering lately that I seem to be rasing an ungrateful child. It breaks my heart and I am not sure what I have done wrong. Maybe I am just having a bad day with him, but I am so disappointed in him and myself as a parent right now.

His day began with bowling on his youth bowling league, then home for a bit, then for a walk on the beach to look for shells and sharks teeth. Ran into the store and he starts with the "I wants" and catching attitude with the word NO. I cannot believe that with all that he has he can have such issues being told no. I do not feel that we over indulge him (too much- is is our only child after all), and my husband and I both model appreciation and gratefulness (at least I think we do). My question is this-- how do you instill a grateful appreciation in your children? I am feeling like a big fat failure at this moment in this department.

 

[ginwoman]

Don't be too hard on yourselves. I'm sure its stuff that's rubbing off from other kids. Hopefully his eyes will open and he will follow your lead.

 

[vraiblonde]

I am discovering lately that I seem to be rasing an ungrateful child.

You and everyone else He's at that age.

Make him work for what he gets. For everything he wants, make him give you something back - like cleaning his room, or unloading the dishwasher, or some other short term chore thing. Kids really do appreciate what they've earned more than what they've been given.

Mom, will you take me to...?
Depends. What are you going to do for me?

Mom, can I have...?
I don't know. Is your room clean?

This worked well with mine and Larry's ungrateful quartet. Plus you get stuff you want out of the deal as well.

 

[vraiblonde]

Oh, and this is every kid, not just yours. So don't be too hard on yourself or feel you've failed.

 

[thesilentwoman]

My only daughter learned at 9 a valuable lesson one year when this same kind of scenario happened: we were at Toys R Us trying to find a birthday gift for her cousin and she started with the "I wants..." I told her after we found her cousin's gift, she had $25.00 to buy whatever she wanted...I think she picked out some doll or another, maybe $23.00 total. We paid for the gift and the doll and the lady started to put the doll in a bag but I told her it wouldn't be necessary...I gave the doll to my daughter and told her to put in the Toys for Tots bin...But, but, but, you told to get what I wanted! Yes, I did and now you are going to give it to a child who needs it more than you do. I told her that there were kids in our own community who never got new toys, new clothes or sometimes didn't have enough to eat at home. And I told her that every time she started with the "I wants..." she would be buying a toy, a shirt or pants, or food to donate to other children and she would not be getting anything for herself. We also cut spending at Christmas down to $25.00 for her, yep, $25.00! We then made donations of $25 to Toys for Tots, $25 to the food bank, $25 to the mission at church, and $25 to the Salvation Army Angel Tree in her name with her participation. We continue that tradition to this day...she's 32...

 

[vraiblonde]

My only daughter learned at 9 a valuable lesson one year when this same kind of scenario happened: we were at Toys R Us trying to find a birthday gift for her cousin and she started with the "I wants..." I told her after we found her cousin's gift, she had $25.00 to buy whatever she wanted...I think she picked out some doll or another, maybe $23.00 total. We paid for the gift and the doll and the lady started to put the doll in a bag but I told her it wouldn't be necessary...I gave the doll to my daughter and told her to put in the Toys for Tots bin...But, but, but, you told to get what I wanted! Yes, I did and now you are going to give it to a child who needs it more than you do. I told her that there were kids in our own community who never got new toys, new clothes or sometimes didn't have enough to eat at home. And I told her that every time she started with the "I wants..." she would be buying a toy, a shirt or pants, or food to donate to other children and she would not be getting anything for herself. We also cut spending at Christmas down to $25.00 for her, yep, $25.00! We then made donations of $25 to Toys for Tots, $25 to the food bank, $25 to the mission at church, and $25 to the Salvation Army Angel Tree in her name with her participation. We continue that tradition to this day...she's 32...

Wonderful!

 

[Moved_south]

Thanks for the kind words. I am thinking that the chores for wants program is going to go into full effect straight away. We do include him when we donate to toys for tots, angel tree, and we box up and donate his toys and clothes as well. I just cannot STAND entitled children (or adults for that matter) and I am seeing it waaaaay too much in my own. I don't remember being TAUGHT how to be grateful, so I guess I feel at a loss as to how to teach it to someone else without the "there are starving children in the world that would LOVE your green beans" kind of thing. Thanks again for the advice and the kindness.

 

[onebdzee]

You and everyone else He's at that age.

Make him work for what he gets. For everything he wants, make him give you something back - like cleaning his room, or unloading the dishwasher, or some other short term chore thing. Kids really do appreciate what they've earned more than what they've been given.

All my kids have done this....I don't give them anything unless they work for it(other than birthday/Christmas/Graduation)

 

[somdnanny1]

My neighbors when their children would ask for something new or get something new for any reason, especially a toy, had to pick out one to get rid of and donate to charity.

 

[luvmygdaughters]

A friend of mine is volunteering her two daughters and herself to work a soup kitchen on Thanksgiving and Christmas. She wants to show them how lucky they are compared to other people around them. Even though they dont get everything they want. I think thats a great idea.

 

[Moved_south]

A friend of mine is volunteering her two daughters and herself to work a soup kitchen on Thanksgiving and Christmas. She wants to show them how lucky they are compared to other people around them. Even though they dont get everything they want. I think thats a great idea.

That is a great idea. I work 12 hr shifts most major holidays, and my husband and son will bring food and goodies up to all of us stuck at work. Helps the boy to see that his mommy is not the only one away from family on special days and (I hope) appreciate the holdiays we DO get to spend together that much more. Taking food to an ER is almost like donating to a soup kitchen! Ha ha.

 

[Cheeky1]

Work.

Sweat, pain, blood.

My eldest son is 5. He is the most excited for receiving anything AFTER he works for it. Even if he didn't waaaannnnnnt to work.

Simple.

I read the comments about giving to charity...I had never heard about that one before. I might use it a couple years down the line.

Thanks!