lucky_bee
RBF expert
I enjoy reading the Dear Prudence articles, sometimes I agree with her, sometimes I think she's an outdated old fart. Sometimes I love seeing how spun up people get over the simplest things. This time around, the reactions all around seem a little concerning. article link here
Original Question:
Q. Makeup for My Little Nieces: I’m a college student home for the summer who took her nieces, ages 5 and 9, out for a day. While I was reapplying my red lipstick, the two girls begged me to let them wear it too because they wanted to look like me. I agreed. Later that day we took a picture, which I posted on Facebook. Their mother, my aunt, went ballistic, saying, among other things, that I was sexualizing them and a bad role model for wearing lipstick myself. She now doesn’t want me near my nieces and isn’t talking to my mom (her sister), who took my side on the issue. I’m really upset over this situation because I love spending time with my nieces and believe my aunt is teaching them toxic “lessons” about female sexuality. My question is twofold—first, was I wrong to let them wear lipstick, and second, what should I do now to reconcile this situation?
A: How sad that your aunt turned a fun day for her girls—topped by an application of fire engine red—into a bizarre and ugly gender war. Humans have been decorating themselves since we emerged as humans—prehistoric sites are filled with ochre used for body decorations, and little girls have always loved to play dress-up. Sadly, there’s no winning here. Your aunt is wrong, but she’s the mother of these girls. (She really believes a college student is either a hussy or betraying her sex by wearing makeup?) If you want to keep seeing your nieces, be the big one and apologize to your aunt. Say you were out of line to put lipstick on the kids, you understand why she was upset, and it won’t happen again. If she wants to hold this crazy grudge, then my heart goes out to her daughters, who have a lot of unpleasant years with a punitive mother ahead.
Since it was a live chat, there are several more live responses included in the rest of the article.
Now, I understand the need to request a parent's permission about posting pics to FB...she deserved a very light tap on the wrist for that I guess, but to go ballistic over 'sexualizing her kids' and being a bad role model over some lipstick?! Overreact much? Some of the comments really kill me too
"I'm more concerned about the lead and chemicals in makeup. They're bad enough for adults but for developing children it has to be worst. As far as you wearing makeup that is your choice. As far as the girls, it's the mother's choice."
This makes me want to pull my hair out, but then again I don't have kids so maybe I'm just a hussy even though red lipstick looks awful on me
All of my close friends have young daughters and I could never see them having this kind of reaction over some lipstick. In fact my fondest memories with LT's little monster is how, when I lived with them, she used to always copy me! I'd kick off my 3" heels the moment I came home from work and brat would immediately attempt to run around the house in them claiming she was just like Bee! She was always digging in our purses for "whipstick" which is really tinted chapstick with us basic hussies, you couldn't apply it if she was within a 10ft radius without her asking for whipstick too!
And I still have the funniest pic I sent LT a couple years ago of my favorite tinted lip balm, because one day I opened it up at work and a good chunk of it had clearly been bitten off, could still see the impressions of two little toddler sized teefs
Ask your niece to take down the picture from FB, remind her about parents' permissions with their kids and social media, politely point out RED isn't her color, and continue letting her be a good friend to your daughters. :shrug:
Original Question:
Q. Makeup for My Little Nieces: I’m a college student home for the summer who took her nieces, ages 5 and 9, out for a day. While I was reapplying my red lipstick, the two girls begged me to let them wear it too because they wanted to look like me. I agreed. Later that day we took a picture, which I posted on Facebook. Their mother, my aunt, went ballistic, saying, among other things, that I was sexualizing them and a bad role model for wearing lipstick myself. She now doesn’t want me near my nieces and isn’t talking to my mom (her sister), who took my side on the issue. I’m really upset over this situation because I love spending time with my nieces and believe my aunt is teaching them toxic “lessons” about female sexuality. My question is twofold—first, was I wrong to let them wear lipstick, and second, what should I do now to reconcile this situation?
A: How sad that your aunt turned a fun day for her girls—topped by an application of fire engine red—into a bizarre and ugly gender war. Humans have been decorating themselves since we emerged as humans—prehistoric sites are filled with ochre used for body decorations, and little girls have always loved to play dress-up. Sadly, there’s no winning here. Your aunt is wrong, but she’s the mother of these girls. (She really believes a college student is either a hussy or betraying her sex by wearing makeup?) If you want to keep seeing your nieces, be the big one and apologize to your aunt. Say you were out of line to put lipstick on the kids, you understand why she was upset, and it won’t happen again. If she wants to hold this crazy grudge, then my heart goes out to her daughters, who have a lot of unpleasant years with a punitive mother ahead.
Since it was a live chat, there are several more live responses included in the rest of the article.
Now, I understand the need to request a parent's permission about posting pics to FB...she deserved a very light tap on the wrist for that I guess, but to go ballistic over 'sexualizing her kids' and being a bad role model over some lipstick?! Overreact much? Some of the comments really kill me too
"I'm more concerned about the lead and chemicals in makeup. They're bad enough for adults but for developing children it has to be worst. As far as you wearing makeup that is your choice. As far as the girls, it's the mother's choice."
This makes me want to pull my hair out, but then again I don't have kids so maybe I'm just a hussy even though red lipstick looks awful on me
All of my close friends have young daughters and I could never see them having this kind of reaction over some lipstick. In fact my fondest memories with LT's little monster is how, when I lived with them, she used to always copy me! I'd kick off my 3" heels the moment I came home from work and brat would immediately attempt to run around the house in them claiming she was just like Bee! She was always digging in our purses for "whipstick" which is really tinted chapstick with us basic hussies, you couldn't apply it if she was within a 10ft radius without her asking for whipstick too! And I still have the funniest pic I sent LT a couple years ago of my favorite tinted lip balm, because one day I opened it up at work and a good chunk of it had clearly been bitten off, could still see the impressions of two little toddler sized teefs
Ask your niece to take down the picture from FB, remind her about parents' permissions with their kids and social media, politely point out RED isn't her color, and continue letting her be a good friend to your daughters. :shrug:
Same here. The lipstick would be a non-issue but posting the photos would probably set me off. I don't think anyone should post photos of someone else, child or adult, without their or the parents permission.
and I would have no problems with anyone I trusted enough to stay with my kid all day, putting pic up on facebook. I have zero clue why people get all spun up about it. As if there are pedophiles just trolling facebook waiting for a pic of your kid in lipstick. Anyone I would trust with my kid is someone with good sense and would thus not just post my kid's pic for the open internet or one that cleary identifies where she lives. We have become so terrified of life its pathetic, the boogey monster of the random internet pedophile just isn't true. Your child is more likely to be abused by a family member, not someone random from facebook.
