Men are like....

B

bresamil

wandering aimlessly
Men are like…Laxatives…They irritate the #### out of you.

Men are like…Bananas…The older they get, the less firm they are.

Men are like…Vacations…They never seem to be long enough.

Men are like…Weather…Nothing can be done to change them.

Men are like…Blenders…You need One, but you're not quite sure why.

Men are like…Chocolate Bars…Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.

Men are like…Coffee…The best ones are rich, warm, & can keep you up all night.

Men are like…Commercials…You can't believe a word they say.

Men are like…Department Stores…Their clothes are always 1/2 off.

Men are like…Government Bonds…They take soooooooo long to mature.

Men are like…Mascara…They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

Men are like…Popcorn…They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

Men are like…Snowstorms…You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.

Men are like…Lava Lamps...Fun to look at, but not very bright.

Men are like…Parking Spots…All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped
 
Toxick

Toxick

Splat
bresamil said:
Men are like…Laxatives…They irritate the #### out of you.

Men are like…Bananas…The older they get, the less firm they are.

Men are like…Vacations…They never seem to be long enough.

Men are like…Weather…Nothing can be done to change them.

Men are like…Blenders…You need One, but you're not quite sure why.

Men are like…Chocolate Bars…Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.

Men are like…Coffee…The best ones are rich, warm, & can keep you up all night.

Men are like…Commercials…You can't believe a word they say.

Men are like…Department Stores…Their clothes are always 1/2 off.

Men are like…Government Bonds…They take soooooooo long to mature.

Men are like…Mascara…They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

Men are like…Popcorn…They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

Men are like…Snowstorms…You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.

Men are like…Lava Lamps...Fun to look at, but not very bright.

Men are like…Parking Spots…All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped
Click to expand...





Must... resist... anti-woman... rebuttal.
 
mAlice

mAlice

professional daydreamer
Toxick said:
Cause I like having Karma tinted green.

And some of the jokes that I know offend even me.
Click to expand...

Anyone who will hit you for a joke will hit you just for the hell of it.
 
Toxick

Toxick

Splat
okay... okay...

I'll try to compile a list of these jokes.
Might not be until later though, as I'm working right now, and it's only 9 here.


Enjoy your lunch everyone.



For now I'll put this one up:


Q: Why do women go into labor?
A: Because they deserve it.






Now: At least sign your red karma, ladies.
 
mAlice

mAlice

professional daydreamer
Toxick said:
I'll try to compile a list of these jokes.
Might not be until later though, as I'm working right now, and it's only 9 here.


Enjoy your lunch everyone.



For now I'll put this one up:


Q: Why do women go into labor?
A: Because they deserve it.






Now: At least sign your red karma, ladies.
Click to expand...

That one is lame. You can do better.
 
virgovictoria

virgovictoria

Tight Pants and Lipstick
PREMO Member
How About

(not quite the same subject line.....BUT)

Why did Cavemen drag women by their hair????
































So they didn't fill up with dirt! :badabing:
 
AC/DC

AC/DC

Lord, I apologize.
Toxick said:
For now I'll put this one up:


Q: Why do women go into labor?
A: Because they deserve it.
Click to expand...


Where's all the:

Why is the woman's wedding dress white??

So the dish washer will match the stove.....



Why are women's feet so small?

So they can get closer to the stove where they belong.


What do you tell a women with two black eyes??

Nothing, you've already told her twice.....
 
Toxick

Toxick

Splat
elaine said:
That one is lame. You can do better.
Click to expand...


Ok - why do brides wear white?
So the dishwasher will match the refrigerator.


I'll see if I can whip up more later.



And no getting angry if the 'c' word shows up from time to time!
 
mAlice

mAlice

professional daydreamer
Toxick said:
Ok - why do brides wear white?
So the dishwasher will match the refrigerator.


I'll see if I can whip up more later.



And no getting angry if the 'c' word shows up from time to time!
Click to expand...

You can't use the 'c' word. You have to spell it ####.
 
Pete

Pete

Repete
bresamil said:
Men are like…Laxatives…They irritate the #### out of you.

Men are like…Bananas…The older they get, the less firm they are.

Men are like…Vacations…They never seem to be long enough.

Men are like…Weather…Nothing can be done to change them.

Men are like…Blenders…You need One, but you're not quite sure why.

Men are like…Chocolate Bars…Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.

Men are like…Coffee…The best ones are rich, warm, & can keep you up all night.

Men are like…Commercials…You can't believe a word they say.

Men are like…Department Stores…Their clothes are always 1/2 off.

Men are like…Government Bonds…They take soooooooo long to mature.

Men are like…Mascara…They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

Men are like…Popcorn…They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

Men are like…Snowstorms…You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.

Men are like…Lava Lamps...Fun to look at, but not very bright.

Men are like…Parking Spots…All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped
Click to expand...
:lol:
 
Danzig

Danzig

Well-Known Member
I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?


A girl goes into the doctor's office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, the doctor notices a red 'H' on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he's so proud of it he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies. A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a blue 'Y' on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Yale and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Yale sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies. A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a green 'M' on her chest. "Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan?" asks the doctor. "No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin, Why do you ask?"


"Darling" says a husband coyly to his wife: "let's swap positions tonight". "What a good idea" she replies, "you stand in front of the ironing board, and I'll sit in front of the TV and fart".



Two old maids were grocery shopping. The sign said `Bananas - 3 for 50 cents. So they put two in the shopping cart. One said to the other, "How much will that be apiece?" The other one said, " That would be fifty cents divided by three, multiplied by two, then divided by two - whatever that comes to." So the first old maid said, " Heck, just get three. That'll be a quarter apiece and we can eat the other one.
 
Danzig

Danzig

Well-Known Member
Recently a "Husband Store" opened where women could go to choose a husband from among many men. It was laid out in five floors.

The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to choose a man from that floor; if you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place, never to return. A couple of girlfriends went to the shopping center to find some husbands...

First floor
The door had a sign saying, "These men have jobs and love kids." The women read the sign and said, "Well, that's better than not having a job or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?" So up they went.

Second floor
The sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking." "Hmmm," said the ladies, "But, I wonder what's further up?"

Third floor
This sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework."
"Wow," said the women, "Very tempting." But there was another floor, so further up they went.

Fourth floor
This door had a sign saying "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak."
"Oh, mercy me," they cried, "Just think what must be awaiting us further on! So up to the fifth floor they went.

Fifth floor
The sign on that door said, "This floor is empty and exists only to prove that women are impossible to please. The exit is to your left."
 
fttrsbeerwench

fttrsbeerwench

New Member
Danzig said:
Recently a "Husband Store" opened where women could go to choose a husband from among many men. It was laid out in five floors.

The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to choose a man from that floor; if you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place, never to return. A couple of girlfriends went to the shopping center to find some husbands...

First floor
The door had a sign saying, "These men have jobs and love kids." The women read the sign and said, "Well, that's better than not having a job or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?" So up they went.

Second floor
The sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking." "Hmmm," said the ladies, "But, I wonder what's further up?"

Third floor
This sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework."
"Wow," said the women, "Very tempting." But there was another floor, so further up they went.

Fourth floor
This door had a sign saying "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak."
"Oh, mercy me," they cried, "Just think what must be awaiting us further on! So up to the fifth floor they went.

Fifth floor
The sign on that door said, "This floor is empty and exists only to prove that women are impossible to please. The exit is to your left."
Click to expand...

I must have beeen shopping at the bargain basement outlet.
 
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