MIL and Inheritance

[wearepbandj]

When my grandfather died i received a nice chunk of money. As soon as my mom found out i was receiving money she told everyone how much debt she had blah blah. People told me that i should help her out. My parents are divorced. It was my dads dad. She hated him with a passion. When i told her he died she was like about damn time. It is not my fault she has 10 credit cards maxed out! If you create your debt then you can pay it off. I didn't give her no money and now she wont talked to me and her friends give me dirty looks. Mean while my kids have a college fund started and im debt free!

 

[vraiblonde]

My folks have been financially generous with me in the past (but only after I had my own money and didn't need theirs, the bastards )

Anyway, if they fell on hard times and needed money for something, I would help them out. BUT if they had spent themselves into the poor house and wanted me to bail them out of their poor decisions, I'd tell them to pack sand. And if they wanted my inheritance from someone they hated, I'd tell them double pack sand.

And if any of their friends or relatives tried to get me to feel guilty, I'd tell them....


...you guessed it! Pack sand.

 

[CalvertNewbie]

Wow. I'd really hope that if we were ever in that position, hubby would care enough about OUR family to keep some of the money for college funds, bills, or "just in case."

The relatives of OP's hubby seem to be all up in everyone's business (like any other typical family, I guess). If they want the OP's MIL to be bailed out of her financial situation, they should be forking over the money. This is not their business, they should be told to butt out.

And here's the question I have, maybe an angle for the OP to take with her hubby. The OP's MIL's father didn't feel the desire to leave her anything yet left his two sons, & his grandson, 1/3 each. What does that say about his feelings toward his own daughter? He clearly didn't want her to benefit financially from his death & there must be a reason why.

I'm not gonna lie - if I have 2 kids & one is a great kid while the other causes nothing but issues in life & treats hubby & I like crap, guess who's being named in the will & who isn't? The wishes of the deceased should be respected, although the OP's hubby seems like he's being suckered into bailing out Mommy instead of worrying about his own wife & kid(s). OP, I wish you luck because this is a crappy situation. Tread lightly!

 

[ewashkow]

Methinks that if you are discussing this with a group of total strangers and don't feel comfortable discussing it with your husband, you are destined for divorce anyway and may as well do it now, and as suggested, take your share of his money for child support before his mother does.

I have discussed it with my husband but only briefly since I really don't want to budge on my stance of keeping the inheritance. I need diplomatic and neutral party suggestions so that when the will is officially read, it doesn't lead to a shouting match between him, myself and the MIL. Thank you to those of you who understand that is what I was going for and for your suggestions.

 

[sockgirl77]

Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.
When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with whom to share his fortune.
One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man,"
he said to her, "but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit $200 million."
Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at financial planning than men.

 

[CalvertNewbie]

Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.
When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with whom to share his fortune.
One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man,"
he said to her, "but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit $200 million."
Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at financial planning than men.

That's really funny.

But I don't think the OP is a greedy biatch like the one in your joke. I think her hubby is just getting hosed by the rest of the family and should grow a set. If MIL's father wanted her to have the money, he would have left it to her. But still, loved the joke and will forward it on.

 

[DFSquare]

And here's the question I have, maybe an angle for the OP to take with her hubby. The OP's MIL's father didn't feel the desire to leave her anything yet left his two sons, & his grandson, 1/3 each. What does that say about his feelings toward his own daughter? He clearly didn't want her to benefit financially from his death & there must be a reason why.

That's exactly what I picked up right away. I would point that out to hubby and ask him to discuss his idea w/the uncles. They may know the reason behind their dad's decision.

Good luck!

 

[RoseRed]

That's exactly what I picked up right away. I would point that out to hubby and ask him to discuss his idea w/the uncles. They may know the reason behind their dad's decision.

Good luck!

He probably had been bailing her out all along and finally had enough and figured she already got her fair share.

 

[CalvertNewbie]

He probably had been bailing her out all along and finally had enough and figured she already got her fair share.

Probably so. I know someone who is 35 and still can't get her sh!t together. Her parents have bailed them out of financial issues time & time again, so have her inlaws. I keep telling her that she's probably gonna get quite a surprise when her parents kick the bucket & she gets nada.

 

[RoseRed]

Probably so. I know someone who is 35 and still can't get her sh!t together. Her parents have bailed them out of financial issues time & time again, so have her inlaws. I keep telling her that she's probably gonna get quite a surprise when her parents kick the bucket & she gets nada.

It pays to learn at an early age how to be self sufficient.

 

[CalvertNewbie]

It pays to learn at an early age how to be self sufficient.

That's for sure. She even admits that her parents did her no favors by handing out money to her constantly. She was never taught how to be responsible. We'd all go to a concert and her Mom would just hand her a $100 bill, after already paying for her ticket. The rest of us were working since we were 14 or 15. Oh well, she'll never learn but I'm glad/surprised that she works and doesn't live off our tax dollars.

OK, didn't mean to hijack the thread! I'm done now.

 

[RoseRed]

That's for sure. She even admits that her parents did her no favors by handing out money to her constantly. She was never taught how to be responsible. We'd all go to a concert and her Mom would just hand her a $100 bill, after already paying for her ticket. The rest of us were working since we were 14 or 15. Oh well, she'll never learn but I'm glad/surprised that she works and doesn't live off our tax dollars.

OK, didn't mean to hijack the thread! I'm done now.

No favors, whatsoever.

 

[Baja28]

Methinks that if you are discussing this with a group of total strangers and don't feel comfortable discussing it with your husband, you are destined for divorce anyway and may as well do it now, and as suggested, take your share of his money for child support before his mother does.

ding ding ding winnna winnna

 

[saggy]

OH H%LL NO! I did go read prior threads and felt like I should probably keep my mouth shut, but I can't. This is so wrong I can't shut my mouth. Your MIL is still young, why isn't she working? She doesn't have seizures anymore-whats her excuse? She ran up those bills knowing she had no income-let her work at McD's if she can't find anything else. Or let her ask her boyfriend for money to pay her bills....he's the one that gets the fringe benefits! She use to live with her father and when he died he left her $10.00? Since he left the house to 3 other people what do you think he would think about your husband helping his mother. It's obvious that he thinks she didn't deserve money for whatever reason, he just left her a small amount so she couldn't fight the will. I think a father knows his daughter and you and your husband should honor whatever he wanted. Your MIL is a moocher and the people at the funeral have no business opening their mouth. I would have had to say something to them and they need to mind their own business. Now if your MIL was older and on medicare and couldn't afford her medication-that's a different story. Then she does need some help. But to sell what was left to your husband to pay her bills, are they friggin crazy? I am a MIL and older than yours. There is no way I would take my Son's money. And your pregnant (congrats) that money should stay with your husband. With the economy the way it is you need to have a pile of money somewhere in case it's needed for YOUR family. If your husband pays her bills for her that's not helping any of you. She might as well learn she has to pay her own bills. Sounds like she's been taken care of most of her life...well now it's time for her to grow up and you and your husband enjoy your new family.

 

[rhenderson]

Your husband should listen carefully to your opinion. And you need to get the issue of others pressuring him in the open as well as your feelings. However, you also need to be careful not to nag him whatever his decision is - If he is considering helping out your MIL - you could suggest that he not make any committement at this time to anyone to do so. As I mentioned in my earlier post - his options and opportunity to turn the partial ownership in the house into cash are limited. If the uncles want to hold onto the house for sentimental reasons - or for financial reasons it could take a good bit of time to turn it into cash.

So - no matter what he decides in the immediate of his grandfather's death - he may well change his mind before he is able to act on it.

Whatever he decides - you have to make up your mind to accept it or be prepared for it bring turmoil into your marriage. As I mentioned earlier - unless its a major estate, 1/3 will not go very far.

Good Luck!

 

[ewashkow]

And here's the question I have, maybe an angle for the OP to take with her hubby. The OP's MIL's father didn't feel the desire to leave her anything yet left his two sons, & his grandson, 1/3 each. What does that say about his feelings toward his own daughter? He clearly didn't want her to benefit financially from his death & there must be a reason why.

Sorry that I am a bit late in replying to this. Small doses so I don't get my blood pressure up for to long.

I think I understand why the will is written the way it is. MIL has been leeching off of her parents for years. When she got pregnant with Chris, the baby daddy said that he wanted nothing to do with either of them and left. She then moved in with her parents and didn't leave until she was married. By this time, Chris was 12.

After her husbands death a few years ago, she moved back in even though she still has the trailer that she and her husband shared. She, to this day, still pays lot rent which is about $500-600 a month. Hmm, wonder how the debt stacked up.

A year or so ago, her boyfriend died, left her another house which she still has, and continued to live with her dad. If someone has two other houses, why are they still living with the surviving parent?

Admittedly, I may be having one of these-> but given the situation, I feel as though I am a bit entitled.

 

[ewashkow]

Your husband should listen carefully to your opinion. And you need to get the issue of others pressuring him in the open as well as your feelings. However, you also need to be careful not to nag him whatever his decision is - If he is considering helping out your MIL - you could suggest that he not make any committement at this time to anyone to do so. As I mentioned in my earlier post - his options and opportunity to turn the partial ownership in the house into cash are limited. If the uncles want to hold onto the house for sentimental reasons - or for financial reasons it could take a good bit of time to turn it into cash.

So - no matter what he decides in the immediate of his grandfather's death - he may well change his mind before he is able to act on it.

Whatever he decides - you have to make up your mind to accept it or be prepared for it bring turmoil into your marriage. As I mentioned earlier - unless its a major estate, 1/3 will not go very far.

Good Luck!

The family knows that I will tell them to, as Vrai said "pack sand" which is why it is only mentioned when I am out of ear shot. I agree, when it comes to his family he needs to grow a set but Chris has always been a passive person so I doubt that is going to happen.

One of the uncles does live in the house. Why he has been living there, I don't know and haven't asked. Because of this fact, Chris is hoping that his uncle will offer to buy him out. I understand that 1/3 will not go far but it should be more then enough to bail MIL out if that is what hubby decides.

I just need to find ways to tread lightly in this situation. It has the potential to be a very volatile combination and I don't want this to be a major black mark on an otherwise good relationship. Really, the only times we have issues is when his mom says that she needs to be bailed out of her self imposed debt.

If only we didn't have to deal with the families of the people we love if we didn't want to.