Mothers and Daughters (for the ladies)

[Nickel]

I most definitely know my mother better than she knows me, and my daughter knows me better than I know her.

My reasoning is that daughters spend their childhood watching Mommy and anticipating her. And they lived with Mommy when she was an adult, so they got a bird's eye view of the "real" Mommy and not the young Mommy or the Mommy she portrays to the public.

Daughters, on the other hand, grow up and move out of the house, where they have their own lives, fears, loves and experiences that Mommy generally knows nothing about. They're on decent social behavior when they visit their parents, but that's not necessarily "who they are".

I couldn't agree more. The time that mothers spend getting to know their daughters is in their (the daughter's) younger years, when the daughter hasn't even formed a true identity yet. I know my mother like the back of my hand. When I hear something, I know exactly how she'll react to it. When I meet someone I can instantly tell whether or not she'll like them, and why. She'll say "You know, I don't know what it is about [whatever]...", and I'll be able to put her thoughts to words. She doesn't know the adult me, but that's not to say that I'm a stranger to her. We're different people, and while I grew up with who she is, she hasn't spent as many years getting to know the true me.

 

[pixiegirl]

I most definitely know my mother better than she knows me, and my daughter knows me better than I know her.

My reasoning is that daughters spend their childhood watching Mommy and anticipating her. And they lived with Mommy when she was an adult, so they got a bird's eye view of the "real" Mommy and not the young Mommy or the Mommy she portrays to the public.

Daughters, on the other hand, grow up and move out of the house, where they have their own lives, fears, loves and experiences that Mommy generally knows nothing about. They're on decent social behavior when they visit their parents, but that's not necessarily "who they are".

I agree and will add that in my case there's so much that I hold back from my mother because I KNOW how she'll react. She knows what I want her to know.

 

[pixiegirl]

I couldn't agree more. The time that mothers spend getting to know their daughters is in their (the daughter's) younger years, when the daughter hasn't even formed a true identity yet. I know my mother like the back of my hand. When I hear something, I know exactly how she'll react to it. When I meet someone I can instantly tell whether or not she'll like them, and why. She'll say "You know, I don't know what it is about [whatever]...", and I'll be able to put her thoughts to words. She doesn't know the adult me, but that's not to say that I'm a stranger to her. We're different people, and while I grew up with who she is, she hasn't spent as many years getting to know the true me.

You said it way better that I did.

 

[lovinmaryland]

I most definitely know my mother better than she knows me, and my daughter knows me better than I know her.

My reasoning is that daughters spend their childhood watching Mommy and anticipating her. And they lived with Mommy when she was an adult, so they got a bird's eye view of the "real" Mommy and not the young Mommy or the Mommy she portrays to the public.

Daughters, on the other hand, grow up and move out of the house, where they have their own lives, fears, loves and experiences that Mommy generally knows nothing about. They're on decent social behavior when they visit their parents, but that's not necessarily "who they are".

I feel the same way....I know her better than she knows me.

 

[onebdzee]

I know my mom as much as she will let me know her and the same goes for her knowing me

My daughter on the other hand, knows me just as well as I know her....she knows what I'm thinking, how I'm going to react to things and most of the time what I'm going to say before I say it....and I know the same things about her

 

[vraiblonde]

And one more thing that just occurred to me:

Daughters have an intimate relationship with their grandmothers as well - the woman who raised, shaped and molded their mother. So they see the triggers and such that influence Mommy.

Mothers, on the other hand, are blind to their own flaws, and don't sense the triggers for their daughters because they're ones that installed the trigger in the first place and don't like to admit it.

 

[Chasey_Lane]

My mom and I are not close, never have been. She does not lecture me about things and NEVER gives her opinion on something. She's a "go with the flow" gal. I'm extremely close with my daughter. And although she's only 10, I hope to continue to be her best friend forever.

 

[squidword]

mothers and daughters

i definatly know my daughter better than she knows me, i can tell you what she is gonna do before she knows what she is gonna do. she is the mini me!

 

[Nickel]

Daughters have an intimate relationship with their grandmothers as well - the woman who raised, shaped and molded their mother. So they see the triggers and such that influence Mommy.

I'm not close to my grandmother at all. I attribute that to the fact that my mother is the youngest of 9 kids, who all have their own children, grandchildren, and in some cases great grandchildren. I think I was my grandmother's 35th (ish) grandchild. There's simply not enough time in the day to bond with that many children, especially when in my case we lived 9 hours away.

On the same note, my mother and I are closer than she and her mother are...maybe because my grandmother has 7 daughters and my mom just has the one.

 

[SoMDGirl42]

I would have to say I know my oldest daughter better than she knows me because I tend to keep everything inside. Because of this, I would say I know my mother better than she knows me also. It's funny, they both complain that I keep everything all to myself too often

After I posted I see you also added the grandmother thing in there. I lost my paternal grandmother when I was only a child, and my maternal grandmother seveal years ago. I know my paternal grandmother didn't know me at all, and my maternal grandmother only knew what I wanted her to know, so I guess you could say I knew my grandmothers better than they knew me.

 

[vraiblonde]

I'm not close to my grandmother at all.

But surely you've heard you mother talk about her, complain, whatever?

 

[Lilypad]

I most definitely know my mother better than she knows me, and my daughter knows me better than I know her.

My reasoning is that daughters spend their childhood watching Mommy and anticipating her. And they lived with Mommy when she was an adult, so they got a bird's eye view of the "real" Mommy and not the young Mommy or the Mommy she portrays to the public.

Daughters, on the other hand, grow up and move out of the house, where they have their own lives, fears, loves and experiences that Mommy generally knows nothing about. They're on decent social behavior when they visit their parents, but that's not necessarily "who they are".

You're right about this vrai-
for the first 18 yrs of my life I only knew my mother as "mama"
for the next 6-10 yrs I was too busy with my own life
it wasn't until I hit my 30's that I started to get to know my mother as a woman
My mother passed some time ago-I was just getting to know her.....

 

[Nickel]

But surely you've heard you mother talk about her, complain, whatever?

Not so much. :shrug: She usually complains about her sisters and my brother.

 

[kbeachcat123]

Growing up, my mother gave me a lot of advice. Of course, I always told her that "things are different now than in the old days". Well it turned out that I was totally wrong, and she was right. Some things will always be the same (men).

 

[kwillia]

I would most definitely have to vote "mother's know their daughters better". I always thought I knew my mother, but in the past few years have since realized I didn't know her much at all.

 

[vraiblonde]

I always thought I knew my mother, but in the past few years have since realized I didn't know her much at all.

Really? Because my mother hasn't changed a lick since I was a kid. Even when she does crazy things, they always sound like her because she's always been slightly crazy.

My daughter has the ability to surprise me - my mother hasn't surprised me in 30 years.

 

[kwillia]

Really? Because my mother hasn't changed a lick since I was a kid. Even when she does crazy things, they always sound like her because she's always been slightly crazy.

My daughter has the ability to surprise me - my mother hasn't surprised me in 30 years.

Mine has been FULL of surprises.

 

[jazz lady]

Mine has been FULL of surprises.

Indeed she has.

 

[kwillia]

Indeed she has.

 

[onebdzee]

Really? Because my mother hasn't changed a lick since I was a kid. Even when she does crazy things, they always sound like her because she's always been slightly crazy.

I think my girl will be saying the same words in another 20 years(well, except for the "slightly" part)